Pssssst, Tully Mars. Post 8.
Exactly what I came in here to say . . .
. . . stop stealing my platform!
Make it illegal for attractive women to chew gum
Drats. And I looked, too. I tell you, some days, it just doesn’t pay to try …
I’d accept Oak’s list pretty much intact, with a couple of additions:
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The people responsible for killing Firefly will be publicly drawn, quartered, then beheaded.
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MLB gets a serious salary cap. So does Wall Street.
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Topless Wednesdays.
Take the huge amount of money we piddle away on stupid things (wars over oil/federal bailouts to unethical companies/etc) and push it into finding cures for curable diseases and sending medical supplies to places that need it so people quit dying of easily controlled diseases simply because they had the bad luck to be born in some horrible country.
Everyone will be reversibly sterilized at birth. Reversing it costs one week’s wage, and 12 weeks of classes on the weeknight of your choice.
No person in a company can make more than 30x the lowest paid employee or contractor.
When I’m the Queen, we’re going to get a think tank together and before anything else happens, we’re going to come up with a system so that people who want to attend sporting events and concerts get to buy their tickets before all the people who want to buy tickets in order to resell them. The penalties for transgressing this system will be extremely unpleasant and will violate the 8th Amendment.
Well, I would add the fourth R: Rush. People would be required to have all of their albums, and not be allowed to listen to anybody else until University age. Impressionable-ness and all of that. By the time that they would reach majority, they would have been properly trained and could listen to Rush on their own.
As for the Rithmetic, I meant for that to be inclusive of other mathematical disciplines. Just using this R as a generic, all-inclusive letter.
As for my cruelty, I think it only fair to point out that I DID intimate that Chris Rock probably wouldn’t be, well, perhaps overly comfortable around here, and different accomodations would have to be reached, so I am obviously no Ivan the Terrible.
HRH greatshakes
Well, hell. If the object is to torture the world into mass suicide, then I want to change my answer. 
Talk radio will be abolished. Doesn’t matter the topic–politics, love lives, crops, religion: shut the hell up. Radio is for music and music only. And a wide variety of music, too, not just pop crap. Plenty of classical, alternative and just plain offbeat. Because I’d be a benign despot, relatively speaking, rap and hip hop will be permitted, and so will opera, even though they all sound to me like cats being tortured. Anyone pumping music loud enough to be heard five feet away from any vehicle if the vehicle’s windows are closed runs a dire risk of public flogging.
Okay, weather reports, brief ones, will be permitted. Any weather person who uses the phrase “weather event” shall be booted off the air and have their broadcasting license yanked for life.
In fact, talking about religion in public is forbidden. People can practice and believe whatever they like. They cannot bother others with it though. Believer, nonbeliever, undecided, doesn’t matter: shut the hell up.
In fact, that might make a rather nifty motto for my reign, if properly engraved in pretty font on one of those spiffy banner thingys. But not in Latin. That’s overdone. Perhaps Finnish, just because.
Eliminate all laws except one: Don’t Hurt Anyone.
Other than that, do whatever the hell you want.
If I was King of the World, I’d…
Make Wednesday’s a new weekly day off. I’d call it “Midweek”.
Ban Boxing.
Make playing loud music a Capital Offence.
Enforce Sports teams to actually represent their region, and not be about buying and selling players. And I’d eliminate Round-Robin tournaments.
And I’d kill everyone who looked at me funny.
Maybe.
Television stations showing college football would be required to show the half time marching bands instead of going back to the studio.
There would be an express line for everything and anyone that gets on one and doesn’t have their shit completely together gets catapulted back into the parking lot and has to start over.
All companies would henceforth be banned from using popular songs in ads for their products. Even songs I don’t particularly like. Try to associate a popular song with your crap product, and you will be sentenced to a term in the public stocks.
I’d bring back the stocks (with ample nearby supplies of rotten fruits and vegetables for the public to throw at the stockee) for a whole range of minor crimes. And petty irritations. Cellphone violations, failing to give way on the sidewalk if you’re in a large group, not controlling your kids, having a loud screechy voice, etc.
In history, my reign would be memorialized as that of Jackmannii the Irritable.
We are not amused!!:dubious:
:D:D
First of all I’d pay off the mortgage on my Mom’s house out of the Royal Treasury.
Then I’d organize a brain trust of international experts as Imperial policy advisors, which would probably end up with me eventually abdicating in favor of somebody who isn’t thicker than Archaean granite. But at least Mom’s mortgage would be paid off.
I’d delegate running the world to a group of experts and then I’d go spend all my time in the harem.
I would invest heavily in science art and music.
Then go swimming. meal should be waiting.