Here’s the deal. You get to be King (or Queen) of the United States of America. Congress and the Supreme Court have been told to go home. You can do whatever you want, using the resources that the US has. What would you do? Here’s my list:
Eliminate the federal Department of Education
Eliminate the federal Department of Housing and Urban Development
Execute Bill Clinton
Institute property taxes for churches
Legalize, regulate, and tax marijuana
Execute George W. Bush
Eliminate and ban any government program that in any way gives any type of money to any organization affiliated with a religion
Make it illegal to teach Creation “science” as scientfific fact in any public school
Execute Rev. Jesse Jackson
Eliminate all federal subsidization of Amtrak and airports.
Eliminate all public health care and health insurance. Work to start a private charitable foundation to do that job.
Eliminate social security. Make teaching of investment and savings mandatory in school.
Require mandatory teacher competency testing at all levels.
Eliminate capital punishment. Make capital murder cases punishable by Life without Parole.
Eliminate censorship of any kind by the government (except for matters of national security.) Work with private industry to establish voluntary media content ratings.
Execute Hillary Clinton
Lower the drinking age to 18.
Eliminate the ATF, DEA, ONDCP and investigatory parts of the USSS. Merge needed investigatory jurisdiction into the FBI.
Eliminate all federal subsidization of the USPS.
Exploit prisoners as a source of slave labor that (but keep conditions humane).
Eliminate the Department of Agriculture
Take initial steps for the deployment of an armed Space Force.
Colonize Mars.
Use one tenth of the enourmous amount of money saved from elimination of federal programs to increase funding to NASA, NSF, NEA, LoC, DoD, and the Peace Corps.
Replace all foreign aid money with foreign aid services.
Use the rest of the money saved for enourmous income tax cuts. Families with combined incomes of less than $55,000 will pay zero income tax. Encourage donations to private charties with big tax credits.
Set aside funds for a Hot Women’s Corps to participate in weekly orgies at the King’s Palace.
If I were King of the USA? Well, first I’d have talks with Chretien (Canadian Prime Minister) as to making the USA a large collection of Canadian provinces. Finalize it. Step down.
CANADA BABY!#@$# WE’RE COMING@#! WE’RE TAKING OVER!@# (but in a really polite way.)
Don’t get me wrong, I agree with everything on your list, except for #'s 11 and 26. Especially #'s 4, 5, 7, 8, 13, 14, 15, 17, 24, 25, and 26.
It seems to me that the more specific the restrictions we place on citizens (ie the new no cell-phone law), the more we lose track of what really matters.
In my fantasy, Queen Sarah would personally castrate all rapists. I’m all for humane imprisonment (and am staunchly against the death penalty), but the high level of recurrence in that segment of criminals is ridiculous. If we treated convicted felons with the same hard hand we treat high school students, our society would not be more just, but certainly more civil.
Still, I wouldn’t be Queen of America for anything. I’d rather be the chica behind the scenes taking care of business, making things run. All that public shit would just get in my way.
so you’d start taxing not-for-profit organizations?
Damn skippy! I don’t see why, with proper safeguards, we can’t sell this as legally as we sell liquor.
Fair’s fair then. Can’t teach evolution as “fact” either since it is, basically, a theory. So is gravity for that matter, stop teaching that theory as fact. Separation of church and state does not mean supporting scientific explanations over religious ones. Doing so persecutes those who believe in Creation. Besides, aren’t you getting rid of the Dept of Education? BTW - the public school I went to covered BOTH sides of the argument (creation vs evolution) without pushing one over the other or calling either one “fact”, letting the students believe what they chose.
Another thing I agree with. At 18, I could vote, I was in the military and could die for my country, but I couldn’t have a beer before going to war. How stupid.
Here’s my list:
Let gays in the military. Order everyone to quit whining, grow up and accept it. I don’t care who you fuck, as long as you’re willing to kill the enemy.
Hey, you idiot on the cell phone checking your fax maching and sending an email while driving 65mph on the freeway? Guess what, moron, your license is mine. Watch the fucking road and do your office work at the fucking office!
ANYBODY convicted of child molestation: minimum 10 years in prison no parole. Enjoy being Bubba’s bitch, asshole, and when you get out little Billy will be old enough to kick the living shit out of you and I’ll let him do it too!
Establish a salary cap for ALL professional sports. You’re getting millions of dollars to play a game for Christ sakes, you know how many people wish they could do what you do for a living - and they’d do it for free because they love the game! Stop being so fucking greedy.
Blowjobs for men will be mandatory! That’s right ladies, if you’re willing to have sex with that guy, you gotta go down if he asks.
Guess what you guys have to do too? It’s only fair considering rule #5. And you can’t leave till she’s finished!
I’m sure there’s more stuff, but I can’t think of it right now.
Ummm, Crunchy, you’re obviously missing the point here. There’s no debating idiological platitudes. I’m King. I can do whatever the hell I want. I’m perfectly aware that some of my decrees are a bit contradictry ideologically.
And to say that scientifically, Evolution and Gravity are “just theories” is innacurate, and you know it. But I’ll save that for GD.
I’d only start taxing religious not-for-profit organizations, because they annoy me. And before you ask, yes I am the one who gets to define which organizations are religious and which aren’t, by way of the Royal Annoying Religions Advisory Committee.
Okay, okay, you got me. I was generalizing to make a point. But enforcing one line of thought over another is still persecution to me, regardless of what you believe. People have the right to believe in Creation as fact as much as I have the right to believe as a fact that one day Charlize Theron and Nicole Kidman will have a threesome with me. (It could happen!)
However, you never said stop teaching Creation, you said stop teaching Creation as fact. I guess I do agree with you there since Creation is not a fact.
And as for the taxing whatever you want - sorry, this absolute power thing is new to me. I’m still trapped within Constitutional borders. Of course you can tax whatever - you’re King, not President.
Anyway, the sad thing is, if we tried to accomplish one-half of this list with our existing government, 1) it would take decades, and 2) the whole thing would still devolve into a bureaucratic black hole. Of course I’m all for democracy, but I have to say that absolute monarchs had a good idea.
And to add to my list, H.F. (Dubya shall now be referred to as His Fraudulency, in the spirit of Rutherford B. Hayes’s stolen election) would be the official dog-ass cleaner, and Pat Buchanan would have his tongue chopped off.
Also, I was taught only evolution. Creationism was left to the church to teach, which, IMHO, is where it belongs.
As a counter to the longer posts in this thread, I would abdicate. There is nothing on Earth that could make me retain that kind of responsibility for more than 5 minutes. I guess that the concept of absolute power over such a diverse group just doesn’t appeal for some reason…
That said… 5 minutes should be enough time to exempt myself from taxes for life and to give myself a little land to retire on…
Watch? Hell you can join in if you’d like. In fact, since it’s my fantasy world, you just did!
Yes there is definitely an argument in favor of that, but teaching evolution in a public school to kids of differing religious backgrounds just smells of trouble to me. If the parents don’t want their kids learning evolution, you know they’ll raise a stink until their side of things is taught also. I’m all for teach both schools of thought or teach neither and let people make up their own minds. Especially when it comes to something that people take as over-seriously as religious beliefs.
Sorry to start debating in your thread again, friedo, I’ll really try to control myself…
He thought he was the King of America
Where they pour Coca Cola just like vintage wine
Now I try hard not to become hysterical
But I’m not sure if I am laughing or crying
I wish that I could push a button
And talk in the past and not the present tense
And watch this hurtin’ feeling disappear
Like it was common sense
It was a fine idea at the time
Now it’s a brilliant mistake