H’oboy.
Mr. tlw mentioned to Shelley how sorry we were that we wouldn’t be able to come to the wedding now, since we aren’t going anywhere without Baby tlw.
I would not have mentioned that this was the reason why - because, just as someone else said, the bride is going to feel obligated to make an exception for you. Now, having said that, it appears that she was more concerned about kids running around, not, perhaps, babies. So, who knows - but I do think it is tacky to say, “We can’t go…because we can’t bring our baby.” I think the gut reaction when THE BOSS says he can’t attend without his child is to say, “Nonsense! Come along.”
It’s entirely possible you said you couldn’t come and she asked “why not?” (tacky on her behalf, perhaps) and you simply told the truth. From your story, though, it doesn’t sound that way.
To me, it seems clear - if the invitation says no children under 10 and you’ve got a child under ten who you are not willing to leave with a caregiver, then you’re not going to the wedding.
That’s just one issue.
Next…the church. I, like astro, don’t really understand the point you intended by going on about how uncomfortable the temperature was or whatnot. You think it was cooler at the front of the church? I would guess that you were ticked about being seated in the back and then the temperature soared - and along with it, your temper. Shit, I’d be pissed off, too. So you complained about the temperature. I understand - but that’s not really the issue, is it?
Note: You couldn’t hear the bride/groom up front - know what? They wouldn’t have been able to hear a baby, either. That’s probably what they wanted.
Next: Reception. Okay, this I don’t get. I agree that it is odd not to seat you at a table with other people and to, instead, place you at a table similar to others used for gifts, etc. The only thing I can think of was that she assumed you wouldn’t be attending because of your baby and made seating arrangements previously (which she later then shuffled and bickered about). It is a stretch, however.
I’ll be honest - if I went to a wedding and at the reception, I was stuck in the back at a card table, I’d feel hurt/insulted - and then I’d get angry. And I’d feel justified - so I do understand you feeling this way.
HOWEVER, now is the time to decide how to handle it. I agree with you that your husband should not “corner her” - Talk about bad judgment. That’d be stupid and legally risky. Good advice on your part to hold back.
Do I think it is race related? No, not really. I mean, I just don’t. I’m a female minority and I’ve had to deal with discrimination but I just don’t see it here.
Is it baby related? Yup, I sure think so. Maybe the bride was pissed that she felt obligated to extend an invitation (verbal) including your baby and then was angered that you accepted so she retaliated. I’d guess it was baby related.
You seem very angry right now and I realize that you’re positive that your perception of things is right on the money. Did you want reassurance that it was? or did you want to know IF it was? This is in IMHO so I’d guess the latter.
We all just do not agree with you. Either from lack of being there, lack of understanding, or what - but we just do not all agree. Accept that and be gracious about it. Your defensive posture only makes you look more reactionary and makes me discount your judgment, especially in how you’ve interpreted the wedding.
I’d be hurt, perhaps insulted. But that doesn’t mean I’d think it was personal. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean I’d think it was racial.
I say move on in silence and never attend another one of their events. Even if you’re right…isn’t that STILL the best decision?
Tibs.