- Buy land.
- Build Castle.
- Fence it in.
- Move in.
- Hire Armed Guards to keep the riff-raff out.
- Fund needy projects I like.
- OC-192
- Computers (buy Alienware…)
- Retire.
- Ignore Reality.
After the usuals (party, house, charities, pay off debts, etc), there’s just one thing. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again:
Private. Space. Program. 
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I’d probably keep about 10 million to make my life easier, then give 198 million to five worthwhile charities.
I know it’s boring, but that’s probably what I’d do. I’d have some fun with the ten million though, I’d build my parents a wicked retirement cottage (they have land, but they’re saving up to build the cottage). I’d put about 200 000 into a trust for my little brothers education, he’s got some serious potential . I’d buy my other brother a condo near whichever medical school he chooses to attend and of course pay for school as well. I’d also pay for my sister to spend a year in Europe after she graduates from university, then pay for her grad school when she gets back and probably a place to live as well.
Lastly, I’d buy myself a whole puy of neat electronic toys for myself in a nice house on a beach somewhere nice and quiet. Then I’d learn how to surf.
Oh gee, what wouldn’t I do …
(Disclaimer: first, I’d give most of it away, of course, first to people I know, then to causes I support. Then, I’d invest most of the rest in the sort of funds that would provide me with a nice income forever.)
House, designed for personal and feline comfort. Lots of secret places up high where the cats could hide. Lots of hardwood. Some marble. A bidet.
An enormous water heater, set to about 200 degrees. Someday I hope to take a shower that outlasts the hot water supply. I have never done this.
Entirely computer-controlled life. Remotely phone in the state (off/on) of all electrical outlets in the house. (I realize the middle class is not far away from this dream, if it is a dream of theirs.)
Servants. Yes, servants. Cooks on-call; housekeepers constantly tidying unseen. Chauffeur if I have to go somewhere; Mercedes gull-wing (or something like) if I want to go somewhere.
Then, travel. I want to see the whole world. I’d start off first-class, staying in hotels in capital cities. Then I’d venture out alone. Nowhere is uninteresting to me. The remoter, the better.
Set, ohh, a hundred million aside in some trust fund for my family.
Squander as much of the rest as I could.
First off, I’d buy or build a racetrack. Actually that’d be third, since the trust thing would be first, and buying a house with enough land would be second. Then I’d get some cars, probably half a dozen Ferrari 360 Challenges, and when people come over we’d race for, say, who gets the remote.
Also, I’d give away thousands of dollars to random people. Not from altruistic generosity, but because I’d like to see how someone reacts when I say “That’s a cool T shirt. Here’s eight thousand dollars. Have a nice day”
And at some point I would use hundreds as both TP and a cigar lighter (not the same ones, you sickos), just to be able to say that I have.
Impulse buying would attain new levels.
Replace aging work truck with newer work truck.
Build new house with outlaw suite for aging parents while maintaining sanity. (Thick walls- large detached shop)
Waterproof basement of present home.
African grey parrot to keep present parrot company when I’m not home.
Scholarship for children of firefighters fallen in line of duty.
1956 Mercedes-Benz 300SLR Gullwing coupe.
Heavy gauge stainless steel mailbox (discouraging to the little bastards who play box hockey)
Lots of cat food
The only thing I’d add to this list is: buy my next door neighbors’ houses (we live on a corner, so that would give us a nice L-shaped piece of land), knock one down and replace it with a garden, and turn the other into a guest house.
And I’d change my phone number, too.
Firstly, I’d be grateful I’m British, as our Billions are worth 1000 of yours.
Then I’d write my shopping list…
1 small country (don’t want to have to worry about laws)
1 Enormous house
Assorted aircraft (including various learjets, eurofighters, a concorde, several helicopters)
1 Enormous Yacht…Actually, make that the worlds first luxury aircraft carrier
1 TV so big, it can be watched from space
1 Harem
1 Marihuana farm
That should keep me busy for a week or so…
Before we move out of our apartment, I’d go to the guy next door and say, “If you can be a quiet and reasonable person for a whole month, with no very loud music or getting drunk and throwing things off your balcony, I will give you $10,000.”
Thanks, Shibb. Mr. Lissar is very useful. For instance, he has secret ninja dishwashing powers!
I’d go on a massive kitchen-outfitting and weird-food-buying trip. Buy a lot of those stupid useless gadgets from Williams-Sonoma, and imported cheese, expensive olive oil and chocolate truffles and stuff.
I’d also pay many of my friends to dedicate their lives to study, because they’d love it. Being paid to spend the rest of your life reading books… wow.
I would buy the nearby Drive-In theatre, and the run down historic theatre, and renovate each. I’d restore them to their original glory, but with modern touches.
At the drive-in, I’d buy up the land behind it and build a mini-golf course and kiddie playpark so patrons can fill time before the movie starts, or while they’re waiting for the second feature.
I’d also rip down the projection/snack bar building. I would re-build a much larger building (with several levels underground, to avoid blocking cars’ view of the screen) that would host the projection room, several indoor restaurant choices, an arcade and updated bathrooms.
At the run-down historic theatre, I’d restore it to it’s original form, and make it able to show movies, and host stage shows. It would be a royal experience to see a film or play there.
I would buy 1,000 green dresses.
Vogue magazines “10 hottest women of the year”
My own habitable Mars outpost.
1 shuttle trip.
You see where this is going?
Yes, anewthought, yes I do.
You should probably stock up on a caseload of kleenex and lotion. You might want to spring for paper towels instead, because with a surface gravity 1/3 that of Earth’s it could get a tad messy without a heavier means of containment.
Wow. That’s really good.
- Give my high school a million dollars, because they’re really underfunded.
- Once I graduate, get a bachelor’s, a master’s, and a pHD.
- Become Latin teacher at some random school for 5 years, then go to old high school and teach Latin there.
- Use several thousand dollars and buy all the books I’ve ever wanted.
- Use several million dollars and get all of Terry Pratchett’s books made into movies. Did I mention investing it to get another billion or so?
- Buy a superfast computer. Fill about eight rooms with hard drives for lots of memory. Buy tons of computer games.
- Set up a trust fund for my family.
- Clean up the US budget.
- Donate about 500 million to charity.
- Keep another 2 million for luxurious living.
- With everything that’s left, subsidize the space program and other good scientific endeavours.
Because I hate my job so much, and my coworkers will back me up on this, I’d buy the place and demolish it. Then I’d give each of my “lucky” coworkers a million bucks each. Retire on it, open your own business, squander it, whatever. The rest is mine to buy a small island off the Maine coast, complete with private ferry service. After that, I’d have to give it some serious thought.
- Debts, family, house, etc.
- Fund a new eduational charity focusing on the sciences; knowledge for the masses I say.
- Build the world’s biggest trebuchet.
- Which leaves about $800 million. Err… shirts?
Run for mayor of NYC, and buy the election.
Oh, wait, that’s been done.
Buy a decent, up-to-date world map and a subscription to National Geographic for every public school classroom in the United States. Endow a few scholarships to give hard-up college students a semester abroad and a little backpacking money. Put aside a bit for my own kids’ education if I ever have any, and for any friends and relatives I want to help out. And then spend about six months out of every year traveling (in a distinctly un-luxurious style because that is much more fun) and the other six months visiting schools and telling kids stories about all the cool places I’ve been. No lecturing, no telling them what they ought to think or do, just inspiring them to go out and check out the world for themselves.
Maybe it’s not as earth-shaking as funding a cure for cancer, but I believe it’s work that ought to be done, and it just might change the way the next generation of Americans thinks about themselves and their place in the world.
First off would be to hire Eugene Tsui to build me several of his more interesting house designs in various parts of the world. One would be devoted to my cats, for whom I’d hire people to care for and entertain them when I’m not there.
Pay off any remaining debts of course.
Let each kid have a one time run through of Toys R Us and get anything they want. One house is devoted for toy storage and kid play area.
Purchase one each of my favorite 60s and 70s muscle cars and hire models to drape themselves on them whenever I happen to walk into the garage.
Stash enough into various bank accounts to live comfortably off the interest and give the rest to the Humane Shelter/SPCA.
Oh yeah, and I need a pet Burmese tiger.
:smack: You’ll wreck the paint!!!