What would you give the Fellowship? (warning, a rather silly premise)

Cafe Society
1

The things that go through my head when I drive home in the middle of the night… not sure if this should be in IMHO or CS, but it seems rather more CS-y. Also very MPSIMSy but hey…

Let’s say you heard a knock on your door around suppertime and found a strange assemblage on your doorstep – to wit, a fellow with a tall pointy hat and white beard, another with a broken sword, several rather short tubby curly-haired fellows… you get the drift, yes.

You’ve run across the Fellowship. Apparently, somehow Gandalf and the bunch got sidetracked in Moria and wound up heading out a cavemouth not too far away. This weird place on the other side is definitely confusing but apparently inhabited, and not by orcs, and your door seemed the most promising.

What do you do? Do you advise Frodo to keep an eye on that shifty Boromir? Suggest to Gandalf that he might tie the hobbits’ hands behind their backs to avoid them dropping rocks in holes? Do you snag the chainmail shirt hanging in your hall closet (where do you keep YOURS?) and a fireplace poker and offer to join them? Do you just give them a bag of beef jerky and suggest they go find that cave mouth again? Do you just slam the door and mutter about calendar-challenged trick-or-treaters?

Yes, this is a patently silly question, but it’s the sort of thing that gets me through a mindless drive home…

2

I give them a box, some tape and my DHL account number.

3

Since it managed to work out all right in the end despite everything, I think I’d meddle as little as possible. I’m boring, I know.

4

I’d give all the hobbits hugs (especially Pippin) and cook them a huge meal. They deserve it, the poor dears.

If I didn’t join them outright, I’d at least tell Gandalf to watch his back.

5

Me? I’m gonna grab the rifle, take out Gandalf, Boromir and Aragorn right quick, distract Legolas with some Keebler cookies, hypnotize Gimli with an antique gold watch passed down by my grandfather…

Then the ring is MINE! Precious! MINE!!!

6

I’d tell them to contact the eagles first, then fly in under cover of night, coming in from high altitude - and to do it before the Nazgul were re-equipped.

7

A catapult.

8

I’ve always wanted to feed hobbits, so I’d bust out my stash of GirlSout cookies and feed Merry and Pippin ThinMints and get Gandalf some Prince ALbert so he could blow smoke rings and, oh course, beer for everyone. Gimli wouldn’t want to put limes in his Corona but Legolas might. There’s a big map of MiddleEarth hanging on my livingroom wall that Aragorn and Boromir might get a kick out of and who’s going to say no to a Midori margarita?

9

I would not want to alter the future of the quest that succeeded in destroying Sauron.

However, I would feed and help equip the party. I would give them a cryptic warning about hurrying home to the Shire after the King is crowned to prevent mischief most foul.

I would ask Legolas about his family and when he was born. I would ask if Balrogs have wings. I would ask many questions like this. I would especially ask Gandalf is Glorfindel was the same Glorfindel that slew a Balrog is ancient Gondolin.

Jim

10

That’s a stupid idea.

11

I’d bring out my Sherlock (pipe) pack up some splendid pipe weed from the south farthing (that’s southern Vermont to you and me) and have a good smoke with some great conversation! I’d join the wife in cooking some great stew concoction and have a good eat too!

Then I’d ask if I could go with, as the group phlosphr…so I could chat and ask questions to the evil-doers of the realm. Then I’d probably hang back with Tree beard and shoot the shit for a good LOOOONG time.

Or I’d just do what my location reads.

12

Oh, just post the link already, you know you want to.

13

I’d open up my (minor really) “arsenal” of modern and pre-modern weapons and other equipment, and give them a slight power-up.

Saving the best for myself, of course.

Ok yeah, being male I can’t kill a Nazgul. But I wonder what a 12 guage slug will do to their mounts. Or if Saruman is bulletproof.

Hang on a minute and let me run to the store. We’ll pick up a few packages of Visene to use against Sauron… :wink:

14

I just wanted to say I thought this said at first GIVE Gandalf a Prince Albert! :smack:

15

Me!

No, not like that. (Well, maybe Aragorn, Boromir, and/or Legolas if they looked like they did in the movies.)

I’d go along with them. I could pick up sword skills, take out a few Orcs… how awesome would it be?