I’d wear my sneakers, jeans, and a T-shirt that reads “Designated Oscar Slob”. 
But my wife would probably make me take it off and put on a tux…
I’d be naked, except for a stratigically placed sock, and wearing body paint that read “Straight Dope Message Board Rulez!” across my chest. And a hat, since i always wear a hat.
I’d either wear my San Jose Sharks jersey that has my name on the back or I would skip the event entirely to watch hockey on TV like George C. Scott did.
I’d go the slob route also but the aussie way - blue singlet, footy shorts and thongs, stubbie in one hand and a cooler for the rest of my beer in the other.
And people thought Russell Crowe was scrufy 
ooops - Forgot the obligatory white terry toweling hat 
Cool question! I’d wear an off-the-rack green or blue long dress, Empire style (high-waisted, short sleeves), made of non-shiny, non-chiffony fabric, without sequins, beads, ribbons, etc. I’d get it at Sears, Roebuck or J.C. Penney, and I would not pay more than $200. Shoes: black patent leather 2" heeled pumps. Jewelry: stud solitaire earrings and a stainless steel wristwatch. Hair: ponytail, no hair ornaments. No makeup, except that my mother would probably insist and I’d probably give in. I’d also make sure my purse was at least big enough to accomodate a small flask of bourbon.
leechbabe, your Aussie-slob chic ensemble has some merit. However, you overlook the one essential accessory without which a proper ocker should never leave home: the stubbie-holder.
Current Aussie haute couture demands that this item be manufactured from wetsuit material, but please let your imagination run wild when deciding upon on appropriate logo to adorn your stubbie-holder. (My Academy Awards suggestion: an group of golden men resembling Oscar, some holding beers, some dancing and some passed out, all against a stark black background. Elegant, yet relevant, I’m sure you’ll agree.)
For a daring red carpet appearance, tear the bottom out of the stubbie-holder and pull it over your hand. Wear it on your wrist, a foil to the tacky gold bracelets and watches which other Oscar attendees will surely wear. Brush off their compliments on your savoir faire; pretend not to see the envious glares of jealousy.
Probably what I wore yesterday - my black t-shirt I got at The Celtic Store with the woodcutting of people dancing with a devil, my black jeans, my black Doc Martens, and my black leather 3/4 length hooded coat.
Why, the same thing I wear to every formal occasion (and I manage to find one or two each year…) :
Kilt. Clan Keith (modern) tartan. Maybe the ancient colors if I feel like being more colorful.
Black belt with knotwork buckle.
Grey fur sporran with silver hardware.
Prince Charlie Jacket and Waistcoat. Gotta love that Scottish elegance.
White tuxedo shirt, with wing collar and French cuffs.
Silver knotwork cufflinks.
Cream colored kilt socks. Green flashes at top of socks.
Ghillie Brogue shoes, the only appropriate formal footwear with the kilt.
Black sgian dhu with amber stone pommel and rampant lion emblem on handle.
Crunchy Frog - Best. Jacket. Ever. I love it!!
You guys are cracking me up.
Personally, I’d be wearing a ballgown, red and shiny material that looks different colours in the light, fitted bodice with the great big traditional skirt - because of course, being at the Oscars means that I would be Catherine Zeta Jones or her look alike, and she can wear that outfit like no one else. Hair half up, half down - no big hair! - and minimal jewelry - maybe dangly diamond earrings and tasteful matching necklace.
Funny, Bouv, that’s exactly the outfit Mr Cazzle wanted to wear to our wedding. He missed out on the top hat, etc, but he got the tux with tails. People kept asking him where he’d left his piano
doh - how could I forget the stubby holder, Narrad your red carpet suggestions are taken on board.
I however would try to get a stubby holder that represents my fav. footy teams (I support both codes) so the Brisbane Lions on one side and Bronco’s on the other.
the only question now is how do I tastefully incorporate a cane toad into my ensemble??
Um, no, Empire style just means a high waste that ends below the bust. www.sensibility.com
Also referred to as Regency style.
I’d pull up on my motorbike (CBR929) toss my helmet to the valet, stroll up the carpet in casual pants and a nice shirt with my leather jacket (it’s a nice jacket but hollywood seems to be anal about killing anything except classics). All of it matches and It’d look nice, I’m just not big on tuxes
…I imagine Joan Rivers walking up to me saying how daring I was…then she’d ask me what I was wearing…
…I’d say,“Clothes Bitch”
oh, sorry about the swearing, I know this isn’t the pit but it’s what I’d say.
I’d pull up on my motorbike (CBR929) toss my helmet to the valet, stroll up the carpet in casual pants and a nice shirt with my leather jacket (it’s a nice jacket but hollywood seems to be anal about killing anything except classics). All of it matches and It’d look nice, I’m just not big on tuxes
…I imagine Joan Rivers walking up to me saying how daring I was…then she’d ask me what I was wearing…
…I’d say,“Clothes Bitch”
oh, sorry about the swearing, I know this isn’t the pit but it’s what I’d say.
i’d wear my hair in braids. and nothing else.
Guinastasia, I checked out your friend’s website, the one who makes the dresses. She’s great! I totally love stuff like that. So yeah, Empire style like she makes!
No problem! She’s really great.
I’m going to make a graphic of what my gown would look like…I’ll let yinz know, then.
Probably a kilt. Dunno WHAT I’d do with my hair, though…
I would wear a snazzy tuxedo topped off with fire opal studs and cuff links.
I love the gowns that the women wear, but I would probably trip over the damn thing and I’m sure I’d lose my exquisite little handbag. With the tux, I have pockets.
Simple! Squish one flat (I suggest wearing a nice pair of Blunstones for the job); dry the bugger out; and cut into strips. Use these to fashion a nice pair of strappy sandals. You’ll be fabulous, daahling!