No cats in – no cats out.
I get dibs on first into the hot bathtub. Hubby gets used water.
Turn off lights (I never follow this one)
I get control of the remote until I fall asleep.
when irishfella and i live together (we’re long-distance most of the year, together in the holidays)
i cook and he cleans.
also, i always phone the takeout places, he runs down the 6 flights of stairs to pay them.
he makes the bed.
i’m first into the bath and last out, and i sit at the tap end.
If one of the cats is sitting on mommy’s lap, someone else had better answer the phone, pour the juice, wipe the butt because mommy is not getting up.
Cook doesn’t clean.
No shoes on the carpet.
Cook doesn’t clean.
Use your own damn blanket because I’m tired of you stealing mine! (This one goes both ways - we’re both guilty, although he will deny it until his dying breath)
Chew with your mouth closed. You smack, you die.
Oh yeah. I LOATHE getting the munchies only to find that the Tim Tam packet sitting in the cupboard is full…of air.
Bloody kids. :rolleyes:
If you have to ask more than once what game are we playing, match the pot.
First one up in the morning gets to go outside and get the newspaper.
The one who uses up the last of something is to let the others know it’s been used up, in the hopes that someone will remember to pick up more during the next grocery run.
Your room is your room, but if guests are coming over you’d better clean it up! (Unless it’s family. Then you can just shove stuff into neater looking piles if they aren’t going to be using your bed.)
If something you ingested eariler has disagreed greatly with your digestive system, give fair warning to anyone who looks like they are going to come into the bathroom after you so they may obtain a gas mask, or use another bathroom until the one in question has aired out.
When making some snack/drink that is easy to make, check and see if others want some also. (Tea, toast, hot cocoa, Pizza Rolls, etc.)
The cat is cute.
Politely ignore the cat when she does something that didn’t turn out quite the way she orignally expected it to. (Jumping up and missing the ledge, falling off the edge of the seat, etc.)
<< Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. >>
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No phone calls during the West Wing. (My mother cannot seem to grasp this)
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I cannot hear you when I’m in the kitchen, if you need to tell me which episode of Dragon Tales is on then come in here.
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and for the cat…shut up, I’ll feed you in the morning and ABSOLUTELY no dairy for him or we’ll be sympathizing with <b>SuperLorie</b> and <b>In Conceivable</b>. Last week he horked on my guitar strap! I swear, I can come up out of a dead sleep to boot his ass into the hall when I hear that awful sound. Bleh.
No food in the sink!!!
Mostly ignored.
If I’m in the bathroom, leave me in peace unless the axe murderer is at the door. Something better be on fire, you bleeding heavily or projectile vomiting if you pester me elsewise.
Mostly adhered to…my husband is the worst at non-compliance and the kids are in awe of his courage when he asks where his keys are through the closed door.
Don’t let the dog lick your toes.
Upon arriving home from work, everyone is entitled to one hour of reading the paper, watching TV, checking email, or whatever it is one does to unwind before being called to duty to take the garbage out, cook dinner, change a light bulb, or whatever.
Hmmm, actually only two of us follow this rule. The cat does whatever he pleases, all day long. I ask you, IS THAT FAIR?
If anything goes wrong, it’s my fault.
The cats are not allowed outside or in the basement. Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to get the cats to agree to this rule.
Gee, I wish my mom had that rule in her house! I remember more than one time when I’d just gotten home from a camp, and Mom would almost instantly tell me to do something around the house. Let me unwind first, you know?
As for my household’s unwritten rules, I live by myself, so no real unwritten rules. 
F_X
Shoes off when inside the house.
Be mindful of time during Shower Commute (3 people needing to take showers at the same time before work in morning)
First person to see cat puke gets to clean it up. If you had to step over it, then yes, you must have had to have seen it at one point. Don’t play dumb and say you didn’t notice it.
Regular telephone operating hours are 8 AM to 10 PM on weekdays. Do not wake me up at 12 AM on a worknight to call me and say how much you miss your ex-boyfriend.
The doorbell follows the same operating hours as the phone. If you need to contact me after hours, tap on my window. But I might think you are a robber, so you run the risk of being hit with a baseball bat.
I need to institute a rule like this. It will read: "No bothering Mommy while 24 is on.
Don’t eat the entire tube of “slice and bake!” cookie dough. (This one applies to everyone but me.)
If you require a trip to the emergency room because you did something your mother specifically warned you NOT to do, you owe her $100. Minimum. More if said trip occurs during a snowstorm, when she is pregnant or sick, or at a time when there is no one to stay with the babies. Generally, this debt can be worked off with lots and LOTS of housework.
If you are over 8 years old, do your own dishes.
Do not touch my chocolate. I must severely limit my chocolate intake, so I want as much chocolate experience for the carbs expended as I can get. This includes stirring my chocolate milk. DON’T STIR MY CHOCOLATE MILK!
Sapphire the cat is NOT allowed to help herself to whatever she wants off of people’s plates, serving dishes, the garbage can, etc. She, of course, disregards this rule.
My husband can cook, but has no idea about the proper seasoning of food. He must be closely supervised so that he does NOT put a pinch of everything in the spice cabinet into whatever he’s cooking.
When our daughter Lisa cooks a new recipe, everyone has to try it (unless it has pepper or is highly seasoned, in which case I am exempt).
Nobody wants to see me inject my insulin, and I should warn people when I’m about to do so.
Nobody wants to see me do a fingerstick, either.
There is only one bathroom in this house, so before you take a shower, ASK everyone to use it before you settle in for a nice steam cleaning. If you don’t do this, don’t bitch because I pound on the door, needing to use the room RIGHT NOW.
If you put a load of clothes in the washer, take them out sometime over the next 12 hours. Do NOT leave them in there for longer than 16 hours.
Don’t put pepper or very spicy seasonings into anything you expect me to eat. We all know that my stomach can’t handle it, and EVERYONE suffers if I do eat something I shouldn’t. Especially, don’t look offended if I refuse to eat something that I know will disagree with me.
The cats are not allowed outside, unless they’re in their carrier.
Nobody is allowed to do anything without the proper supervision of Sapphire, who will comment as necessary.
Sapphire must inspect the cabinets regularly. The humans are to cooperate by opening doors and, when necessary, lifting her up to the higher cabinets. She must also inspect the fridge every time it’s opened, in case there’s a bit of roast beast that needs to be eaten up before it goes bad.
There must be a milk jug ring in the cat food dish. Otherwise, Achilles the cat can’t eat. I’m serious, there will be a full food dish, and he will cry until someone finds a milk jug ring and puts it in the bowl. THEN he will eat.
If you ask someone to remove an ingrown hair/open a zit, don’t complain about the pain when she obliges.
My husband is NOT allowed to eat all he wants to at the Mexican buffet. He is not 17 any more. What’s more, he tends to pollute the environment afterwards.
My husband and I have been married for almost 26 years now, so I’m sure there are more rules that I haven’t remembered.
I live alone, so these really only apply to me. But…
If you use the last of something, put the container in the trash and write what it was on the grocery list. Grocery list remains on the refrigerator at all times, except when it is actually taken to the grocery store.
Keys must be placed on top of the water heater. At night, when the watch is taken off, it is placed next to the keys. Failure to do this results in wasted morning time searching for said items.
Pull the shower curtain across the tub/shower when you get out. Otherwise, it gets mildew in the crevices.
Cleaning of the apartment must be done weekly (this is a new rule as of this year. I got tired of dealing with my own clutter).
No smoking inside the apartment. There is an ashtray on the balcony for this purpose.