If one of the women in my household go out shopping, on their return I must make them a cup of tea.
If I go out shopping, on my return I must make them a cup of tea.
If I’m watching Bonanza or From Martha’s Kitchen not a word is to be spoken. Period.
Never ever rotate the parrot while it is on.
This applies to the car: whoever is driving at the time the car goes ding (indicates low fuel) MUST GET GAS!
No, it won’t stretch for another day - besides gas prices will be higher tomorrow!
Also - No leaving the grocery store without chocolate and/or cookie dough. DH only buys pickles or olives - ick.
No food in the bedrooms.
Mon and Thu the garbage men come. That means Sun and Wed night the garbage cans must be taken to the curb.
When you come home from school Mon and Thu, haul the garbage can back to the side of the house. (often ignored.)
Hang the towels up in the bathroom after showering. (Ivylad and I do this, my children’s theory is the floor is one big shelf.)
Sounds like you’ve been properly trained.
This from the man who’s finally learned to always salt his wife’s salad and not to put on too much mayo. Now all I need to do is develop my psychic power to know when she’s going to come downstairs on the days I’m home so I can have her breakfast tea ready.
NO SMOKING in the house. Period.
NO FARTING in the kitchen or at the table during the meal.
NO GROCERY SHOPPING WITHOUT AN APPROVED LIST.
There are a bunch of others similar to those mentioned above, but since they are only half enforced…these are the once that spring to mind.
(…and I break the “no farting in the kitchen” rule all the time)
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Always wake me, Abba (Dad) if there is a problem in the middle of the night. Wait until I am awake before you start talking.
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If it involves vomit, don’t bother asking Ema (Mom) to clean. Only Abba handles vomit.
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If said vomit occurs when Abba is not home, throw the sheets and/or clothing away.
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Don’t ever bother either parent if the parent is occupying the bathroom, unless the problem involves blood or vomit.
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Don’t leave any half filled cups anywhere, because they spill.
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Don’t come down 5 minutes before it’s time to leave for school and expect breakfast. If you want to eat, get up, get dressed, and get into the kitchen.
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Don’t leave shoes in the living room at the end of the day.
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Feeding the gunea pigs is more important than watching TV.
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We have a kitchen in the house, not a restaurant. If you are not pleased with the meal, make your own. Clean up whatever dishes you use.
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Don’t wait until I come up from the basement to tell me you need a skirt hanging in the laundry room.
The presence of a beverage indicates “I am sitting there. I may not be there right now, but I’ll be back so you can’t sit there.”
Morgan isn’t allowed to say the word* “anilingus”.*
The possession of the stereo remote carries with it the responsibility for muting the commercials. This is a sacred duty. If the household hears a single word out of Carrot Top’s mouth, you have failed.
You know, we really don’t have any rules. There are a couple things, but one of us usually won’t follow whatever it is.
Trying to lie down rules for my wife is a waste of time, since she just forgets anyway.
Nothing is set for who does or takes care of what. If my wife wants something done or wants my help, she’ll ask. Hmm, actually let me amend that: she does baby poop. I do not. I will throw up. I care for the dog, except occasions when my back will not allow me to bend over the back yard scooping.
Otherwise the only rule we have, and obviously the one not yet followed by the baby is: DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING!
Oh, dear lord, I’ve got to implement this one toot sweet!
May I ever so humbly enquire what the heck this means? Sounds like there might be an interesting story here!
Five rules:
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Don’t go into our bedroom.
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Don’t do anything that could get us in trouble with the law while you’re staying with us.
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Smoking is done outside on the porch if it’s cigarettes. If it’s pot, take a walk down to the graveyard, please.
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The apartment door is kept locked at all times. Chain on, if everyone is home.
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Let me know if you will or won’t be home for food. I don’t care where you are, I just need to know how many to cook for.
…and recently we had a 4 month “houseguest” that broke every single rule. Especially #5. I hate getting up from my supper to find something more to stretch a meal because somebody told me “I dunno. Maybe tomorrow.”
Twice we came home to find the door unlocked and nobody home It’s not like we have stellar super-cool stuff or anything, but it’s ours, and we’d never be able to re-buy our game systems or CDs if somebody stole them all. Not even counting the computers.
- Shoes off the moment you enter my house. Ivory type carpet and dirty shoes do NOT mix.
- Momma gets 30 minutes ME time when we get home. NO EXCEPTIONS. Do not TRY to ask me a question (especially if it deals with “What’s for dinner?” or "Where’s my…?)
- NEVER ask “Where’s my…?”. I do not know where you put your stuff. If I have to look for your stuff, there’s a pretty good chance it will be found in the garbage.
- I don’t go through your stuff, don’t go through mine. LilMiss is horrifically nosy. The top dresser drawer in my room is my junk drawer. There’s nothing in there relevant to her existance. But, because it’s forbidden, she’s been caught in there many times.
- Like others have noted, do NOT leave a halfaswig of milk in the carton. If this happens, you drink water. Deal.
- Cats are NOT playtoys. The do NOT like being bounced around. If one of them hurts you, bummer.
- If you are injured because of your stupidity, sucks to be you. I will take you to the hospital, but I will torment you the entire way. (This works in reverse also. When I was injured due to stupidity, she teased me).
- If you claim to be part of this family, dammit , take responsibility. Don’t whine that there aren’t any clean spoons, load the damn dishwasher!
- Hugs before bedtime, no matter how crabby we are at each other.
She poops like a baby and you throw up? Must be a clean house you have there.
If Tygr wants to enjoy Mrs. Tygr’s first-thing-in-the-morning, walking-'round-the-house-naked-time, Tygr will not open the blinds on the big, street-facing picture window, no matter how bright & sun-shiney the day is.
[sub]It took Tygr a suprisingly long time to learn this rule…[/sub]