My husband does a whole lot of public work—housing for AIDS patients, shift supervisor at 2 homeless women shelters, parks lobbyist, teaching skills for living classes to pregnant teens, board member of the community service organization, grant proposal writing for our kids former elementary . . … Hey, this isn’t supposed to be a testimonial for my hubby but once I started I couldn’t stop.
Anyways, we’ve done more than a few turns on the “rubber chicken dinner circuit” but this one is different. It’s a formal, black-tie, fancy ball. Hubby is buying a tux and it’s my job to be a good wife, look presentable and not embarrass my husband too much. Now I need all of yalls opinions on these few items. [ul][]What does a short, fat woman wear to a black-tie affair? []Would I be committing some awful social faux pas by employing my usual sanity saving strategy of bringing along some reading material? []The invite says “black and white” do I have to wear something black and/or white? []If the former state senator “jokingly” pinches my butt like the last time, do I have to refrain from slapping him on his fat ass? I mean, he’s the former state senator. []What the hell am I supposed to wear? []Do I have to go?[/ul]
To answer your questions in order:
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What every other woman should wear: a formal gown that makes her feel beautiful
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Yes. Do not bring reading material, no matter how tempting it might be. If you get bored, excuse yourself to “go to the restroom,” and then walk around the grounds/hotel or go get a drink at the bar.
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Yes, you should respect that the organizers are trying to maintain a black & white theme, and not wear colors (except as small, accent pieces)
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By all means, slap his ass. You don’t owe him anything, and he desperately needs to be called on for being so chauvenistic and disrespectful.
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Anything from a cocktail dress to a floor-length gown will be acceptable. I tend to go for understated things-- all black with a touch of sparkle here and there. I’m not sure where you live, but it’s autumn now, so heavier, richer fabrics like velvet are acceptable and mighty comfortable.
There are some cool dresses here, or maybe something like this. It all depends on your personal style, and what types of things you like to wear generally.
- You really ought to.
1)How about a simple black dress. Show a little cleavage if you’re able. Otherwise, it’s not a fashion show or a contest, so don’t worry about it.
2)I would leave the reading material at home, unless it’s hardcore porn or Mad magazine.
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I guess you don’t have to wear something b/w, but if they asked and you’re going, you probably should. Think of it as showing up to a costume party without a costume.
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Try to stay away from the Senator, but ask your husband about it ahead of time. If you feel you need to react but it could jeopardize his future, maybe you should stay home to avoid the confrontation. If no one cares, then smack him on his fat face, he might enjoy it on his ass!
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See #1
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Does your husband want you to go, and do you want to do something for him? We all do things in life we don’t want to, but you have to decide if this is demeaning or humiliating, or are you just being selfish.
Maybe make a deal where you only have to spend an hour or two. Who knows, you might have fun…nah, I take that back, it doesn’t sound fun.
quit yer bitchin’ you know you have to go. besides how often does Houseman ask you to be the model little wifey???
blackvelvet dress w/lots o’cleavage and a slit up the side.
BC:D
Go, go, go. Just suck it up and go. Think of it as a downpayment for dragging hubby somewhere he’ll hate too.
Wear something black/white and formal, but don’t worry about it. Keep respectable and as comfortable as possible. (I hate dress clothes. I hate 'em. But sometimes you just have to. I’d loan you my favorite black strechy fabric dress, but I’m tall and fat so I don’t think itd fit. It is however, both comfy and reasonably formal. Like sweat pants only as a dress. I love clothes that cheat.)
And no, don’t take reading material.
Not too often. He knows my limitations, yet continues to love me. The man is a paragon.
That Betsy and Adam #913798 is very pretty, Beadalin. I wonder if I can get something like that around here, except in black. . . and not so flouncy around the bottom. In denim. [sub]
Just kidding. Mostly [/sub]
Can’t add much of anything to the good advice so far. I might however, advise against slapping former Senators on the ass. Most seem to really get excited by that. He’ll pinch your butt, you’ll slap him on the ass, next thing you know he’ll be wanting an aide or intern…
I would like to say though that since now we know that soon you are gonna be all dolled up in a nice formal, you will be obligated to post some pics. This is not an option. You and the ole man. It is your part of the public service you are a part of.
Also, if you are half the woman that I know you to be, you will be able to milk payback out of him for a long, loonnnnnnnnnnnng time:)
Have fun!
Yes you have to go. No, you can’t bring reading material.
This is the type of dress I see you in. If you get that sort of dress in black, it will be fine for the fancy affair with some fancy jewelry and a beaded evening bag, and also good for non-black-tie affairs. I’ve always had good luck at Talbot’s in any case.
This is on the 19th, Greenie, so you know what I have given up to attend. I posted in the JerseyDope thread last night, but I don’t see it there now.
And that dress is very nice.
I should add that the former state senator is really a nice guy. He’s the jovial type and can get a little slap-happy in that back-pounding kinda way when he’s had one or two.
P.S. I have not had any luck uploading pictures to the 'net. I still have that picture of beerchick and I in period garb from the RenFaire sittng on my hard drive. Waiting.
I’m sad you’re not going to the OcDoperfest! Post again, please. I think that thread is in need of a bump.
You’re BOTH perched on your hard drive? Wow! 
Great advice so far. Hope you have a good time, Biggirl!
Well, since you asked for opinions…
Something that you feel great in - sadly, floor length.
If no one can tell that you’re reading - then you can read. However, this is only if no one can tell. If anyone at all, all night, can tell that you’re reading than it isn’t ok.
Don’t have to, but it’s cool when everyone does wear something black, white, or black-and-white. Plus black is slimming.
Yes, but you can jump, look startled, squeek a bit, and/or exclaim “what was that?” calling attention to the fact that he’s an ass.
black and/or white floor length.
probably - sorry.
Go! You’ll have a great time, and it’s fun to get all gussied up once in a while. I’m doing a fancy-schmancy awards thing WITH MY DAD next month, and I’m really looking forward to it. It’s at the Drake Hotel in Chicago, which everyone tells me is faaaabulous! I still don’t know what I’m going to wear. sigh…
Here in Seattle there’s a wedding dress/formal gown boutique that caters specifically to plus-sized women, so you might want to check around and see if there’s something similar in your area. I bought the one formal gown I own as well as my wedding dress at this boutique, and the staff there is fabulous. Usually, as a size-20 person (which is what I was at the time; I’ve since lost some weight), I felt like a huge fat cow whenever I tried clothing on, but this place made me feel like a goddess. It’s worth looking into.
Sorry for the short hijack, but… How much black do I need to eat to lose 10 pounds?
Question: When the invite says “black and white” is it specifically requesting “please wear outfits that are black and white as we would like a motif”? Or is it simply a poorly worded invitation that is trying to indicate that it’s a “black-tie” affair?
I think “black and white” means the guys wear black tuxes and ladies wear either black, white or black and white.
A plunging neckline or a “v” neck creates a slimming effect. And a short sleeve or sleeveless dress with a wrap or jacket would be best. The weather might be cool, but there’s gonna be lots of body heat inside.
Full formal attire for a full figured woman? You’d look resplendent in a Kanjeevaram silk sari.
http://www.eshakti.com/clothpdpage.asp?catalog=Clothes&cate=Kanjeevaram+Silk&productid=CL1230154
Those saris a gorgeous, especially the purple one. I wonder if I can get one in black with white trim. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a black sari.
I’m going to pick up my dress later today and taking my daughter with me. Nothing like a 15 year old for the unvarnished truth on how geeky and unhip her mom is.
Medea’s Child, I’ve seen you-you’re NOT FAT.
Sheesh!
I say something like the Betsy and Adam dress. It’s so simple, and you can cheat and not wear stockings.
Which reminds me, I still have to find a dress for my Titanic dinner. I LOVE dressing up-it’s going to be finding something that looks “period” that is concerning me.