It has nothing to do with superstition or bad luck. It’s an insult. Since black is the color of mourning, wearing black to a wedding implies that you disapprove of the relationship and are mourning because you think marriage is a bad decision for them. Occasionally you will see, say, the groom’s mother wearing black to a wedding in order to deliberately send this message. Yes, a lot of people don’t know that these days - but you don’t want to risk them taking offense, do you?
Red isn’t wrong, per se, but it’s considered bad form to wear anything that calls too much attention to you and away from the couple, so avoid bright colors. Burgundy, for instance, is fine.
This is entirely a cultural thing. I can’t think of any wedding I’ve been to where black would have been inappropriate, and I’ve been to a lot of weddings. (I have 71 first cousins, and go to at least 1-2 weddings a year.) At a few of them, the bridesmaids wore black. Of course, these are New York Orthodox Jewish weddings, which have both the NY black thing and a relative formality of dress (a print dress would not be OK - everybody wears suits). I’ve always worn nice suits to weddings - I think that you should go with the pantsuit with nice jewelry/sweater/scarf type stuff to dress it up. Although people always say that earlier weddings are less formal, I’ve never noticed any correlation between time of day and level of formality. YMMV.
Not every culture considers black to be a color of mourning; not every culture even has a color of mourning. Don’t make a blanket assumption that black is never OK at a wedding - such things only apply where everybody else knows the code. Something isn’t insulting unless other people perceive it to be so. A raised middle finger wouldn’t be an insult in a culture where no-one used the gesture in a derogetory way; wearing black to a wedding isn’t perceived as an insult in many cultures, including many in the US.
Ack. I did mean to add “to most Americans” after “since black is the color of mourning.” Thanks for catching it, GilaB.
However, I stand by the assertion that it’s a bad, bad idea to wear black to any American wedding (or in any other country where black is associated with funerals). There’s always the chance that the bride or groom or their families will be familiar with the idea of wearing black to a wedding as a silent protest, and can you imagine how insulted they’ll be? Best to stick with old-school etiquette at weddings, IMO. Better safe than sorry.
Black is perfectly appropriate for an evening wedding, for both men and women. A mid-morning/afternoon wedding, however, calls for something less somber. A floral print dress sounds fine. For the men, a lighter suit (but, PLEASE, no white suits) or a darker suit paired with a lighter colored shirt.
What is inappropriate is to be too casual (this is a sacrament before God, after all), too revealing (no belly buttons, minimum cleavage), too flashy (unless it’s a black-tie affair, wear sequins sparingly), or too bridal (no white lace dresses).
The last 3 examples are part of the “Don’t try to compete with the bride” rule.
I’m in NJ, and that applies around here too. However, I still won’t wear black to a wedding – even though it is done really by the vast majority of women who attend weddings where I live. It just looks wrong to me. I guess I was raised to believe that a totally black dress is meant for mourning.
I never heard the notion about wearing black to send a message that you disagree with the relationship, but I can see how that could apply as well.
However, I do think that it’s okay if part of the dress is black. For example, I’ve seen a dress with a black velvet bodice where the bottom part of the dress was a burgundy color in taffata fabric. I think that’s acceptable. It looks celebratory and wouldn’t compete with the bride’s look either.
Lastly, since this wedding is taking place in November, I would definitely avoid light colors, flowers, etc. That’s fine for spring or summer, but for a fall or winter wedding, I think darker colors are more appropriate.
So how’d everything go Lsura? What were other people wearing?
I’m just going to put my $.02 in here now. My (now ex) mother-in-law wore black to my wedding but only because black is “slimming” and she didn’t want her big ass to be so distinct in pictures. I didn’t consider it offensive or bad luck (it had nothing to do with the break-up of the marriage IMO). I thought she looked fabulous.
I don’t think black is just for funerals. I went to a few funerals last year and most of the family members were wearing bright colors and not much black at all. At my grandpa’s funeral last year I wore black slacks and a bright blue sweater. Most of our family dressed the same way. My grandma wore a teal colored skirt/jacket. (My point being we weren’t wearing ALL black.) Maybe it just depends on the family and where you live as to how everyone dresses for different occassions.