So I learned the other day that my mom has decided to redo her will and name me the executor of her estate. Having never thought much about it before, I go a-googling and find this, which says that it’s pretty much what I thought it would be: paying taxes and outstanding bills, notifying various government agencies that she’s gone, that sort of thing.
Obviously I’m not thrilled about this, as it’s making me think about what it’s going to be like when my mom is dead and how I’ll have to be the one to take care of all that stuff. I’d like to think her husband would help, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s only interested in how much of her stuff becomes his and does he get to keep the house. I also can’t help wondering what else might be involved that the above link doesn’t mention, so I turn to the SDMB.
So for those who have done it, can you tell me about it? How long did it take you to get it resolved? Is there anything you learned along the way that you wish you’d known ahead of time? Other comments?
Ouch. One thing that would make your job easier is your mom’s husband knowing what’s in the will, before she dies. Last thing you’ll need is him squawking about what he gets, or contesting the will. If he’s not getting something he thinks he’s entitled to, your mom should be the one to explain it to him.
I was executor for mom’s estate and it was easy. The whole process, including selling mom’s house, took about a year. If there hadn’t been a house to sell, it would have been done in half the time.
The only thing I’d do differently is get a different lawyer. I used the one who drew up mom’s will. He wasn’t involved in the house sale. I did all the legwork, locating and listing the assets and debts, etc. Nothing was contested. All he did was the legal filings and publication stuff. Ended up paying him almost $5K for a few hours work that was probably done by a paralegal.
I wasn’t the executor, 2 of my other brothers were (when mom died) and aside from Brother # 2 (executors were #1 and #3) being a COMPLETE ass, it was reasonably straightforward.
In the OP’s case, you should strongly suggest to your mother than she set up a living trust which will ease the task of probating the property. Especially if she is sole owner of the house and you expect her husband (your stepfather??) to be a pest. Of course her lawyer should be able to advise her on what must pass to the spouse (e.g. if they co-own the house), and how community property must be handled on her passing if you’re in a community property state.
In fact it’s a little surprising she hasn’t named husband the executor, sounds like there’s some stuff going on.
This function can be trouble if you live in a big crime riddled city where the court system frustrates efforts. Also, if relatives are likely to bring motions, more time and delays result. There’s lots of paperwork. An attorney can help move things, but is costly.
In the best of all worlds, the person in question will structure their life so there are no loose ends for the probate court to deal with. Allow trusted people as co-owners or beneficiaries on accounts. A trust can work where property is in the trust and you are the person in charge of the trust when the person dies.
Avoid the court system if at all possible. You don’t need court authority to advise Social Security that a person has died. The person can handle final burial expenses ahead of time. Get a sufficient number of death certificates at that time and you can take care of business without government meddling.
QFT!! When we were setting up my mother’s funeral arrangements, the fellow suggested we request something like 25 certified copies of the death certificate at that point - we could always get more later but it would be more of a pain, and you do need them for a lot of purposes.
My mom was executor for her parents and it was very easy, but it was uncontested and there was no property of note beside the house(they didn’t even bother doing an inventory of 30 year old appliances etc because both siblings saw it as a waste of time).
Now it sounds like you are being assigned executor in secret from the husband or something, if there is no real money involved(she is leaving you some sentimental value jewelry is all) I’d think twice about entering that shit storm.
And I was told the same thing when my mother died, I got 10 or so of them, I used a grand total of 1. The rest don’t care if it’s official or not, they just either want to see one or have a copy of one. Most of them accepted faxes. Honestly I can’t even remember who wanted the certified copy. All of her creditors accepted a fax, she had 3-4 credit cards, a home loan, and all of her utilities.
While it wasn’t easy, I didn’t find it that hard. The worst part is people will try and rip you off, especially if you have to sell belongings and such. I found the orphan’s court helpful, though there were a couple of times I was late filling.
Unless you expect some serious mess I’d just do it and not pay someone else to. Also since it’s your mother you should be able to not get ripped off as much.
I don’t think it’s supposed to be a secret from him, it’s just that she’s on husband #4 and she probably figures that I’m one of the few permanent people in her life who she knows will still be around when it comes time to do this stuff. I don’t dislike the guy, but he can be a bit self-centered at times and I wouldn’t be surprised if the death of his wife brings that side out of him as a defense mechanism.
The multiple copies of the death certificate is a great tip, thanks for that.
I am the co-executor of my mother’s estate. We got 4 notarized copies of her death certificate and still have 1-2 left over – most places will take copies (or take an original, make a copy themselves, and hand the original back to you).
I basically have been thrown into the deep end without knowing how to swim, so I don’t have any real advice to give you. My mother died on November 22, the court issued me the official executor’s papers at the beginning of March, and I only just got a tax ID number to establish an estate account a week or two ago (paperwork was initially filed in January). Her lawyer told me to leave all her money in the estate account for a year, since creditors have a year to request the estate pay off any of her debts.
I had to do this last year after my father passed away. He re-did all of his documents after my mother passed away in 2008, to make me the 1) executor of his will, 2) the decision-maker for his medical directive, as well has 3) his durable power of attorney (I have one sibling and he was not named for anything since I am the responsible one). Dad also added me to his checking account, as well as making his retirement investment accounts TOD (Transfer On Death) to me and my sibling at % he determined. My dad owned no real property, only his belongings and his investment accounts.
My sibling was not in agreement with the % of the investment accounts and did some chest-beating about challenging things, but the TOD dad set up was iron-clad and could not be contested, and took precidence over anything from any previous wills. I recommend looking into the TOD arrangement with the financial institution if she has any investments.
He did me a great favor the way he set things up. The aftermath of losing a parent is hard enough, but I did not have to deal at all with probate or any courts. The biggest PITA was closing all his accounts and services, and as stated upthread, we got 10 copies of the death certificate and only had to surrender 3 of them as most places accepted copies or fax. You also need to file a final tax return for the deceased. I had to sell a car of his, and gave away most of his belongings. All told it was probably about 6 months to have all final bills cleared and accounts resolved.
Oh, and BTW, have your mom SHOW you where all her documents are. We could not locate “the binder” at first, but eventually found it. You need to know the location of the will, etc, as well as where any of her accounts are held. You can have her mail forwarded to you afterward to watch for additional bills and services.
I also concur with the previously stated sentiment to have your mom explain the way she is leaving things, now, to the living - so it does not fall to your shoulders to explain and defend those decisions after she is gone. Trust me, that is not fun.
One thing that would make your job easier is your mom’s husband knowing what’s in the will, before she dies. Last thing you’ll need is him squawking about what he gets, or contesting the will. If he’s not getting something he thinks he’s entitled to, your mom should be the one to explain it to him.