What's ruder -- talking in a movie theater, or shushing a talker?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I went to the movies with a friend tonight. She’s a type who’s always talking during movies – snide comments, jokes, interjections, etc., all in a whisper that I’m sure is loud enough not just for me to hear, but for people within a couple seats of us to hear as well, especially if what is happening on screen happens to be quiet at the moment. I hate it – in most situations I think talking in a movie theater is just rude. If you must talk, talk very sparingly, talk only to someone else who doesn’t mind it, use extremely quiet whispers that you’re sure no one else around you will hear, and if possible, wait for noise from the movie to mask what you’re saying.

Now, as I mentioned, this has happened before, though I’ve never said anything about it. That’s partly because we mostly go to see comedies or big action films (ala “Pirates of the Caribbean”) where soft talking seems at least slightly more acceptable (though still, in excess, rude) because the plots are less serious, and because those tend to be louder movies, and the talking is more easily masked. And also partly because I’m pretty non-confrontational and just didn’t want to make too a big deal about it.

But tonight we went to see “The Departed,” which was a great, serious movie with lots of silent parts and a convoluted plot – ie, not a movie you should be talking through, at all. Seemed to me that would be fairly obvious to anyone, and yet my friend won’t shut up! She made a comment every few minutes! It was very distracting and, dammit, rude! I just ignored most of the comments, or made little nods or smiles to try to get her to stop talking, and tried to concentrate on the movie. Eventually I stopped smiling, and a couple times shot her disapproving glances, softly mouthed “shhhh!” and made downward, quietening motions with my hands. Finally the comments lessened, though they never completely stopped.

The movie ended and we each went immediately to the restroom. When I finished I got in line at the snack bar to get a refill of my drink before we left. My friend came out of the bathroom and came over. I asked what she thought of the movie, but she ignored my question, and immediately and loudly rounded on me for shushing her. “Next time you want to shush someone, get a dog or a baby, but never shush me again, because I’m not five years old,” she snaps. I was stunned, and shot back something about how I wouldn’t have had to shush her if she hadn’t been so rude as to talk throughout the movie! At this point she storms out of the theater, and I’m left standing embarassed in a very long and slow-moving line of people who have very obviously heard this little discussion.

I won’t get into how the argument developed from there, but I’m curious to know what the Straight Dope community thinks: in this situation, who was ruder, me or my friend? Naturally, you only have my version of the events, but I tried to present the facts as best I could. Whaddaya think?

2

Well I’m for forcably ejecting people who can’t stay quiet during a movie. Like armed thugs that pause the movie grab the offender and drag them out screaming.

My responce would of been ‘of course I shushed you like you were a five year old, grown ups know to be quiet in the theater. How else should I shush you.’

I normaly don’t confront talkers I don’t know during a movie. On many occasions I’ve told them what I thought of their rudeness when the movie ended.

3

Where would throwing pieces of popcorn at the talker rate in the politeness/rudeness scale?

4

Talking in the theater in the rude. Asking your companion to be quiet is not only not rude, but was probably appreciated by the people sitting near you. You sir, area hero.

I have a friend who talks during movies and we pretty much just don’t go to movies together. My friend just doesn’t get that his behavior is rude, so there is no fixing the problem.

5

Of course we’re only hearing your version of events, but if you’re accurately describing them, I don’t think you did anything particularly unreasonable. Your friend sounds like she felt humiliated, but so what? She was talking over a movie - that’s inconsiderate, and sometimes there’s no way to deal with inconsiderate behaviour that doesn’t leave someone feeling belittled.

Personally, I think I’d have bitten back with something like “Next time you want to see a movie, either shut the fuck up, or go alone”.

6

It’s pretty uneffective as a way to make them quiet. I think if your gona resort to throwing things you’ve already decided to esculate the incident and are willing to get thrown out for the more mature 16 year old usher. I mean if your gona throw things make it worth while. The shock the talker experiances when a big gulp soda lands in their lap makes it worth while in my opinion.

7

I might have to just go this route. Either that, or only rent movies to watch in our homes – and, even then, only movies that I don’t particularly care about or that particularly invite commentary, because I know at home she’ll really let loose. This is, of course, assuming that she speaks to me again any time soon – our argument ended unresolved, with a slammed car door. :mad:

I realize that I tend to be particularly sensitive about not imposing myself on others, but Jesus, does a 25 year old really need to be told that talking in a theater is rude? Like madmonk, I suspect my friend just doesn’t get it – even if we resolve things and she agrees to refrain from talking when she’s at the movies with me, I suspect she’ll keep doing it every other time she goes to the movies.

8

Just an outsider’s speculation, but I think a whispered, “Please, Mary, it’s distracting when you talk over the movie” might have been preferable, if I’m reading your friend’s reaction accurately. It was the shushing she found demeaning, right?

BTW, if she has always been a talker, you might have said something in advance or just don’t go to the movies with her.

9

Well, I hope you don’t lose a friendship over it. You’re probably not the first person to point this out to her and it might have pushed a button.

10

Popcorn? I throw ice. Never be afraid to knock it up a notch!

mm

11

It’s really, really freaking rude to talk that much in a film (a very rare, quietly whispered comment is OK), and it would have destroyed my enjoyment of it. If I was someone sitting near her, I might well have gone to find an usher or manager if she hadn’t responded to your or my own efforts to get her to shut up.

A sister-in-law of mine is like this, and I stopped inviting her over to watch DVDs because of it. My husband, she, and I could all know that none of us had seen the film before, be sitting there together as I popped the DVD in, and she’d start asking questions from the very first scene. Why would she think I knew any better what was going on, except that I wasn’t the one talking over it rather than trying to listen? Just saying “I don’t know” repeatedly didn’t give her the hint, and shushing or asking her to be quiet so we could actually watch didn’t work. I swear it’s almost pathological with some people.

12

The ass talking, because the shusher I doing the mildest of what everybody wants done with the talker. The shusher would make ant noise if the talker would shut the fuck up. I await the theater incident where the whole audiance pummle the talking ass. Like the crasy man that was gesticulation around the plane and tried to to open the door on September 11 or 12 this year. The passangers all took him down in a fight.

13

Add me to the list. My wife and I have one friend whom we love dearly. We have similar tastes in movies, and went to several together. But when we realized she simply did not realize the inappropriateness of her talking during the movie, we decided to find other venues to get together with her. In our opinion, her talking both bothered and embarrassed us. But that’s the type of behavior I generally feel adults are unlikely to change. I don’t have enough friends that I want to endanger a relationship over something like that.

14

People get upset when you point out how rude they are, particularly when you do it in public.

She was lashing out at you for making her look like a little kid, totally ignoring that the real issue wasn’t you ‘shhh’-ing (perhaps not the most polite form of dealing with the issue), but was in fact her constant talking through the showing.

She behaved wrongly, but instead of admitting that, or thinking about that, all she can do is become horribly upset and offended at you for having the gall to communicate it to her.

Typical.

15

Talking through the whole movie? I would have killed her. I’m entirely on the OP’s side, and to top it all off your friend acted like a 5 YO.

But why in god’s name would you go to the theatre with a person like her? I don’t go around shushing people all the time but I have shushed people a few times and I wouldn’t have hesitated to eventually say something to her.

16

+1 - again, based on the story you have told, this is 100% her problem.

17

Well the next time you want to see a movie get a random stranger that’s never witnessed your manners because I am not an idiot that is going to pay $15 to sit next to your MSTK3 impression again. And you may not be five years old, but you behave like a five-year-old that doesn’t know how to control her mouth and throws a temper tantrum when called on it. Zip it.

18

Thank you. Now I have the song “Whip it” in my head.

Crack that whip!

19

I have the terrible habit of whispering what I think is going to happen next in the movie (e.g. “ooh, I bet that Bruce Willis is actually dead”). My wife just elbows me in the guts, everyone get pretty bothered by my VERY hushed whispering but noone seems to mind the “UMMPHH” that escapes me when I take it in the gut. BTW, anyone that talks during movies knows they do it, they just can’t help it, perhaps on some level we just think we are smart and just HAVE to share our thoughts with everyone else, its embarrassing to be reminded that we are also being rude. On the other hand we also get very irritated when OTHER people talk during movies.

20

I am apparently with everyone else, your friend is a rude jerk and is an idiot for taking offense. I am surprised no one around her complained. I would have unless it was a kids movie. I expect noise at kids movies, so I guess I would say she was acting exactly how I would expect a 5 year old to act.

Jim