Live theatre goers also talk about the “firefly”–people text massaging during a show because, after all, talking on your cell phone during a show is illegal in NYC. As if all those little glowing lights are less obtrusive.
During yesterday’s matinees, when the news of the plane crash got out, the theatre light up like an Xmas tree.
Even reading about the aholes that can’t STFU during a public screening of a movie gets my blood pressure up. You not only were right to shush her I’d take it one step further and punch her in the stomach until blood comes out of her mouth.
Yeah, she’s going to the special hell, no doubt about it.
[QUOTE=Rodgers01]
“Next time you want to shush someone, get a dog or a baby, but never shush me again, because I’m not five years old,” she snaps.
[/QUOTE]
This is the part that would make me want to let the friendship slip away until it was gone.
I have been shhhshed before, and I didn’t like it. It was never at the movies, I watch, not talk. It was always when out to dinner and I was discussing an issue I was very emotional about. Evidently when I get stirred up to a certain level, my voice level rises as well. I say evidently, because I have never been aware of it happening. I am caught up in the moment, and don’t pay attention to my voice rising.
But I am sure it happens, even though I can’t tell when it does, because others have pointed it out to me. I get mad at first, thinking they just don’t want to hear my opinion anymore. Then I see them do the lowering motion with their hands, and they whisper, “your voice is really carrying now.”
I think about it a minute, then let it go. A little part of me wants to sulk, and not talk anymore, but then I realize that is childish. They are just pointing out something I should be aware of, but am not aware of. So I will continue on, consciously keeping my voice down. And I make sure that my earlier irratation at being shhshed is gone, so my friends will know in the future if they feel they should point something out to me I might not really enjoy hearing, that I will listen, and not cause a dramitic scene and act like a child about it. I like having friends that I can count on being honest with me, and I like that they know I can handle constructive criticism like an adult, and will most likely benefit to listening to them.
I could not imagine turning that situation back on them, accusing them of a need to shhhsh someone for the sake of shshing them. To me that shows your friend has a strong need to always be the one in the right. A tendancy to play victim rather than own up to her own actions. She is making it that YOU are the one with a irrational need to shssh people, not that she is inconsiderate about talking during movies.
I have found people like that, who can not take any criticism, are often the worst ones for dishing it out behind other’s backs. In order for them to maintain their perfect vision of themselves, they need to draw attention to other people’s flaws, and assign questionable motives to someone else’s behaviour. I have found I am much happier not having those people in my life.
You weren’t out of line. My husband, for all his awesome qualities, seems to be unable to truly whisper. Any whispering involves movement of the vocal chords to the extent that, to me, it sounds like low talking. If he starts doing that during a movie, you’ll bet I’ll shush him.
Of course, I usually shush him by kissing him, then putting a finger over my lips. I don’t think that would’ve worked with your friend. Though it might’ve been fun to try.
[QUOTE=Grits and Hard Toast]
I could not imagine turning that situation back on them, accusing them of a need to shhhsh someone for the sake of shshing them. To me that shows your friend has a strong need to always be the one in the right. A tendancy to play victim rather than own up to her own actions. She is making it that YOU are the one with a irrational need to shssh people, not that she is inconsiderate about talking during movies.
I have found people like that, who can not take any criticism, are often the worst ones for dishing it out behind other’s backs. In order for them to maintain their perfect vision of themselves, they need to draw attention to other people’s flaws, and assign questionable motives to someone else’s behaviour. I have found I am much happier not having those people in my life.
[/QUOTE]
You are startlingly, sadly perceptive here. This friend (who IS a friend and has many, many excellent qualities) has a very low self-esteem that somehow manifests itself in near incessant criticisms of me – how blundering, incompetent, and clueless I am – and frequent self-congratulatory comments about herself – how she’s always right, how I would fall apart if I didn’t know her (!!!), etc. Of course, it’s all said in the guise of “sarcasm,” so I’m expected to take it all in the sense of humor with which it’s presumably said. (Of course if I turned the tables and “sarcastically” ripped her to shreds in the same way, I’d probably be slapped.) But I have taken it in stride thus far; I am nothing if not a patient man, and her difficult personal life has made me try to be as understanding as possible. But the other night was a breaking point, and I had to bluntly tell her to cut it out and back off.
I used to be a talker, and a bad one. Random people shushing me were just assholes to me. It wasn’t until my friends talked about it with me that I realized just how much it bothers people. To me, it’s fun to make comments on a film as I watch it with my friends. But I now work hard at refraining from doing this. I think you did the right thing by letting her know, but I think it would be even better to have a calm talk about it when you’re not watching a movie.
Talking in a movie is rude and you were in the right to correct her.
HOWEVER…
It is not that outlandish to find that some people find it highly demeaning to be “shsh’d” by a friend in public. It I suspect it’s not the message she objected so strenuously to but the method.
So basically I think you’re intent was justified but the method of delivery could have been better. Yes you were right, but it comes down to “do you want to be right, or do you want to achieve the desired effect (her being quiet)?”
You would have been better served, I think, by an “please don’t I haven’t seen this before” or simply a quiet, “hey, would you mind cutting it out.”
Either way you’re right, but one method serves your purpose and the other just pisses her off.
Keep in mind I’m not apologizing for her, you were in your rights to shshsh her. It just might not have been the most effective way to change her behavior.
[QUOTE=Rodgers01]
This friend (who IS a friend and has many, many excellent qualities) has a very low self-esteem that somehow manifests itself in near incessant criticisms of me – how blundering, incompetent, and clueless I am – and frequent self-congratulatory comments about herself – how she’s always right, how I would fall apart if I didn’t know her (!!!), etc. Of course, it’s all said in the guise of “sarcasm,” so I’m expected to take it all in the sense of humor with which it’s presumably said. (Of course if I turned the tables and “sarcastically” ripped her to shreds in the same way, I’d probably be slapped.) But I have taken it in stride thus far; I am nothing if not a patient man, and her difficult personal life has made me try to be as understanding as possible. But the other night was a breaking point, and I had to bluntly tell her to cut it out and back off.
[/QUOTE]
Whoa. There’s a whole bunch of things going on here.
Why are you “friends” with someone who is cruel to you? Got a newsflash for you, dude…that’s not how true friends act. Don’t give me this nonsense about her excellent qualities if she engages in “near incessant criticisms” of you. That does not compute.
A certain amount of teasing is acceptable among friends…I do it with work chums, but it’s usually accompanied by a piece of chocolate I toss over the cube wall, and they can give as good as they get. However, to tell you to get a “sense of humor” can mask some abuse. (A good rejoinder to that “It was just a joke” crap was from Ellen DeGeneres that some kind soul posted here on SDMB…“Well, if you’d done it right, we’d both be laughing.”)
There’s patience and there’s doormat. Lots of people have had difficult childhoods and they don’t go through life being mean to the people they consider friends. I think there’s some part of you that wants to be her “white knight” and quite frankly, there’s lots more deserving ladies out there who would appreciate your patience and kindness and won’t talk in movie theaters.
You can’t fix her. Her eruption is indicative of a larger problem. Tell her to get help and get out, unless you enjoy being a masochist.
Wow, I didn’t mean to turn this into a therapy session. Your post just set off a whole bunch of warning bells, and I want to make sure you see them.
[QUOTE=Hampshire]
Side question:
Is it okay to talk during the previews at the movies? My friends and I have had no problems making verbal commentary during the previews to eachother “That’ll suck, I hate her movies, seen that before, that looks good” etc.
We clam up right away when the feature starts but I always wondered if people get pissed cause we talked during the previews.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah. We do it all the time. It’s a source of great amusement in the family. Some syrupy kiddie movie is teased, I look at my son and say loudly so as to embarass the crap outa him, " Oh god, I gotta own the DVD of that one !! " And so on.
The trailers end, the comments end. Totally. Mr. OP, your friend has major issues ( as we can see from her comments, behavior and how the rest of the fight went… ).
It’s patently rude to talk during any public event that relies upon an audience hearing the spoken word. One does not talk in the theatre, opera, and so on. Movies are the same.
Hell, I went to film school. Screenings were sacred. You talked AFTER the film. Not during it. Of course, we were writing up a storm on notepads in the dark DURING the film, but that was a silent activity.
You need to find a new friend to go to the movies with. 
Cartooniverse
[QUOTE=Anaamika]
This is the other thing, too. Do not air your freakin’ dirty laundry in public. The rest of us don’t want to hear your drama.
[/QUOTE]
Speak for yourself. I love a good public screaming match between people i don’t know.
As for the OP, your friend is an ass and you did the right thing.
[QUOTE=ivylass]
Whoa. There’s a whole bunch of things going on here.
Why are you “friends” with someone who is cruel to you? Got a newsflash for you, dude…that’s not how true friends act. Don’t give me this nonsense about her excellent qualities if she engages in “near incessant criticisms” of you. That does not compute.
A certain amount of teasing is acceptable among friends…I do it with work chums, but it’s usually accompanied by a piece of chocolate I toss over the cube wall, and they can give as good as they get. However, to tell you to get a “sense of humor” can mask some abuse. (A good rejoinder to that “It was just a joke” crap was from Ellen DeGeneres that some kind soul posted here on SDMB…“Well, if you’d done it right, we’d both be laughing.”)
There’s patience and there’s doormat. Lots of people have had difficult childhoods and they don’t go through life being mean to the people they consider friends. I think there’s some part of you that wants to be her “white knight” and quite frankly, there’s lots more deserving ladies out there who would appreciate your patience and kindness and won’t talk in movie theaters.
You can’t fix her. Her eruption is indicative of a larger problem. Tell her to get help and get out, unless you enjoy being a masochist.
Wow, I didn’t mean to turn this into a therapy session. Your post just set off a whole bunch of warning bells, and I want to make sure you see them.
[/QUOTE]
I second this. She doesn’t sound like a friend to me. There’s a sacred rule in my house: Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it. It’s fun to trade jabs with friends back and forth. It’s abuse to take jabs all the time and never be able to give them.
Your “friend” sounds like she’s got some issues. And no, that’s not just because of my searing hatred for all those that talk in movies.
[QUOTE=Ferret Herder]
A sister-in-law of mine is like this, and I stopped inviting her over to watch DVDs because of it. My husband, she, and I could all know that none of us had seen the film before, be sitting there together as I popped the DVD in, and she’d start asking questions from the very first scene. Why would she think I knew any better what was going on, except that I wasn’t the one talking over it rather than trying to listen? Just saying “I don’t know” repeatedly didn’t give her the hint, and shushing or asking her to be quiet so we could actually watch didn’t work. I swear it’s almost pathological with some people.
[/QUOTE]
My husband does that. I’ve given up trying to point out to him that if he’d just shut up and watch/listen he’d know what’s going on. He misses half the dialogue because of his constant questions and comments.