What's so Hard about being Easy?

Recently, a friend (I think) accused me, teasingly (I think), of being easy. I think she actually meant easy to manipulate, but the fact is, unless you count setting off my temper, I’m one of the most difficult people to manipulate, without my consent, that you will ever meet. I can’t be “spun”, and I don’t capitulate to emotional blackmail. And, whipped is a term that may apply to cream, but not to me. But, that’s not to say I’m not willing to accomodate my friends or lovers. So, the comment has been bouncing around in the cluttered back rooms of my mind, trying to find a place to call home, long enough to have taken on some life of its own, and mutated. And, that’s pretty much where the point of this thread comes in.

Because being “easy” has other connotations; primarily, it means “easy to get in bed”. Well, I am a guy. Try to find one who isn’t easy to get in bed, if you’re the right gender and not overly gruesome. But, there’s also the implication that the person in question does not “play hard to get”. And, on this one, I readily plead guilty.

Personally, I just don’t see the point. I know, some people say that you won’t be properly appreciated, if you don’t. I don’t buy that. Even in a casual dating or pickup scene, how much more appreciated do you need to feel? The guy/girl wants to boff you. Sounds pretty appreciative to me, unless you’re under the impression you were their last choice? (Okay, so you could have been, if it’s closing time at the bar.) Maybe it enhances the “thrill of the chase”, for the pursuer, but I’ve always been one to “fish where the fishing is good”. If I don’t get a nibble, I’ll move on to the next promising looking spot. So, if I’ve already decided someone is a likely prospect, and they show interest, I’m not about to blow it by playing some silly game. I want you? You want me? Works for me; let’s go.

The other thing is, I trust my instincts. So far, they’ve only let me down once. They’ve even led me to at least one woman (and, possibly two) who could be considered a soulmate for me. (Unfortunately, circumstances prevented a real relationship, in both cases.) And aside from my first wife, I’ve never dated a woman that was wrong for me. I’m not talking about pickups, here. There have been cases where I’ve picked up, or been picked up by ;), a woman I knew I had no future with. But, I knew that, going in, and that isn’t always a bad thing.

In fact, I’ve never been on a truly horrendous date (knock on wood). I guess you could say I’ve been lucky, but I think it has more to do with being a good judge of people. And, it seems to work, for me. So, aside from the chance that I may be “spoken for” when the next soulmate comes along, why should I play hard to get?

What do you folks think?

I don’t feel so appreciated when a guy wants to screw me. Like Chris Rock said, every single guy a girl ever meets from the age of around 14 on wants to screw her. I’m fairly certain that I could ask any single guy I know to sleep with me and he’d say yes. It’s not because I’m just that darn spectacular or anything, any girl could do this. It’s because I have a vagina and I’m over 18. Guys want to hump everything that has a vagina and is over 18.

Hmm, well, I think understand what you’re asking Davebear, but then, I haven’t had my required 5 cups of coffee today - only two.
I think what you’re asking is, “Why play head games?”

I don’t play head games. I try to be honest with people. I’m married now, but when I was single I tried to represent myself as I truly was - to the best of my ablity.

Now, as for “playing hard to get”, that seems to be something entirely different for me - but maybe this is just my perception. I think that as a woman I don’t like to be too accomodating initially until I know what or rather, whom I am dealing with. It’s not that I would say, “Oh no, I’m busy. Sorry. I can’t go with you that night.” if I really could go. That would be silly…However, I do think it’s good to let a person know right off the bat that you’re not to be trifled with. For instance, I would not sleep with someone on the first date - and maybe not even on the 4th date. I would sleep with them when and if I was ready. I was pretty upfront about that. One guy told me, “Ohhh you’re just playing hard to get.” and I said, “No, I’m not playing. I am hard to get.”

Ok, that makes me sound really bitchy I guess. (Shana leaves to make coffee…)

I don’t agree that guys will sleep with any girl. Unless maybe I am gruesome lol…

I know I am easy to wind up … I am too trusting and people can say stuff that I take as truth and then find out they are joking just to annoy me… when its done right, it’s funny… when it done with malice in mind, then I’m pretty ruthless.

I know I’m not sexually easy… and never was. I haven’t been as lucky with my choice of guys as Dave has been with his girlfriends… perhaps going back to my too trusting nature. But I’d rather be trusting than a total cynic…

I don’t mind one night stands as long as BOTH parties are aware thats whats happening - unfortunately, I don’t think that happens too often. Things are said by both or either party to entice the other side… (in my experience by guys to girls) - sometimes people get hurt by that. I don’t think they (one night stands) are good then. But if you’re aware that you’re both horny and want it and thats it - then that cool by me (of course, assuming safe sex!!!)

I’m not easy to manipulate I don’t think … but it has been done (once by an ex - the f**ker) mostly by those who I’ve let into my life in a serious way and who then have the power to hurt me badly. So far it’s really only happened twice… I think after 35 years thats not too bad. I don’t appreciate emotional blackmail either… I will put up with a small level of it before I get pissed off and tell the person to go flush their heads… when someone pisses me off, its not pretty.

Hmmmmmm can’t think of any other “easy’s” lol… does that help Davebear??

This is not going to be as cohesive a reply as I would have hoped for :slight_smile:

Guys are easier than girls in a VERY general sense. For pretty much the reason Meanoldlady said…

We have this double standard where guys can be obvious about what they want physically from a woman but the reverse makes the woman a (insert your own derogatory term here)

Also men and women do have different styles of communication. I’ve had more than a few people who only “know” me online insist that I’m a male playing a female because of how I “talk.” (This mostly happens when mudding not message boarding) I’m a conversational bully.

I also think people get into trouble by assuming others place the same value on sex as they do. For a lot of people one night stands are fun and harmless. I could never just meet some guy and go have sex. (yes even if I was not happily married) I’d feel like trash afterwards and that assumes I could even go through with things. I have some very good friends who think nothing of having sex with their friends because they’re horny. Different strokes for different folks…

Is it a bad thing to be easy? Only if it hurts you or someone you deeply care about somehow. Other than that… I think you’re old enough to take your own lumps eh? :slight_smile:

Now head games on the other hand are never good for anyone. Manipulating people is just cruel and stupid. The results are never good. I say good for you if you aren’t easy in this respect :slight_smile:

Not that any of that probably made any sense at all relative to the OP anyway!

I have certain boundaries and walls that I don’t let down until I know someone better. this goes for friends or lovers and it is the result of years of trusting people and getting scewed over. I am not hard to get, just slow to trust and I don’t play about it.

If that’s true, then how come I could never find a boyfriend?

waaaaaaah

Guys may not want you to be their girlfriend, but they’d shag you all right.

MeanOldLady said:

That’s SO not true as a generalization. Believe you me, I am nothing special, but even I can think of three women I could ‘shag’ with the investment of one phone call, right now. I’m not going to because I’m not attracted to any of them beyond a friendly way and feel it’s wrong of me to treat them like a receptacle, just like I’d hate to be treated like a dildo by someone who had no attraction to me.

That’s certainly not to say that I am anti-one nighters, but simply that anything with a vagina isn’t good enough for those of us with self-esteem.

kung fu lola: If that’s true, then how come I could never find a boyfriend?

Maybe they’re jealous of all the time you spend in my pant leg.

It’s a joke. A joke! Her location says she’s… aw, never mind.

Gee. Since I’m big homo, I can say that isn’t true.

Nor do I want to hump anything that has a dick.

All men are not like all men.

Another gruesome girl checking in. I’ve met plenty of guys who wouldn’t sleep with me. That’s ok, I wouldn’t have slept with them either.

I seriously doubt that you are the least bit gruesome, Bran. Besides, you’re a sweetie, and that’s all it takes. But, thank you for helping me make that point. :slight_smile:

Huh? I’m bitter? No way.

Kay, maybe just a teeny bit.

I have made quite deliberate passes at many of my single male friends (and a few of my single female friends) and have gotten a mixture of “no,” “maybe later when I have my life in order,” “I would if you weren’t married,” and “Yes, but not yet,” answers. I can count the “yes” answers on one hand. They are far outweighed by the “no” or “not now” answers. (BTW, yes, all the passes were made with the Spouse’s knowledge and approval.)

Now, granted, I’m no looker - I’m 200 lbs, round-faced, and brown-eyed - but I have fabulous boobs, okay skin, and long, well-kept hair, so I’m not exactly hideous either. So all the generalizations about guys people are making here are at the very least not universal.

As for being easy - I’m an intellisexual. Show me that you’re brighter than average and not a jerk, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll lust after you once I’ve known you for a few months. No, I don’t do the pcik-up in the bar scene, but at the same time I don’t insist on a long “dating” scene either. I want a friend first, and a sex partner only second - but I have no problem with people being both.

Nah, if being sweet was all it took, I would’ve had guys lined up around the corner.

Sorry. You’re right, that’s not all it takes. You also have to give the guys a chance to find out that you’re a sweetie. :smiley:

Remember what I told you before? Sexiness is not a question of having a perfect body; it’s in the mind, the heart, and the attitude. That’s not a joke, and on that basis, you’re definitely a hottie. :slight_smile:

Maybe you’re gay? :dubious: