To answer my own questions, I’m going to disqualify that little beach in Nassau. Except for snorkelling. Damn fine snorkelling. And great water temperature, even in December.
Best sand? Old Silver, on Cape Cod
Best sandy (not rocky or seaweedy) bottom? Same answer
Best snorkelling? Other than Nassau, State Beach on Martha’s Vineyard. I saw crabs mating!
Best natural beauty? Gay Head. Didn’t even have to think about that one.
Best man-made beauty? Gay Head
Best rock stacking? Gay Head
Best beauty what belongs in a bikini? Gay Head
Best water temperature? Old Silver. It’s got that Gulf Stream thing going on, making it like bathwater.
Best waves? Second Beach, Newport RI.
Best snack bar? Naraganssett Beach. RI.
Best parking? Anywhere on Amelia Island, FL. It’s free, unpaved, and uncrowded.