Always claim to be ‘coming down with something.’ Also helps prevent unwanted touching, hugging, handshakes.
Hey, I work in the software industry. That’s standard everyday behavior!
Sneeze
If she’s standing to your left, when she leans over and points to a report on your desk, casually move it a few inches further to the left before continuing.
When she leans close, say, “Sorry, but I find the scent of your shampoo to be distracting. Can you back up a bit?”
Of course, if she’s not any closer than any other male co-worker, then you’re the issue and not her and you really should deal with it like every married adult professional has to. You need to mentally slap yourself out of it when she’s around and focus on the business at hand.
No need to be shy now, you’ve told us a lot about your personal life already. In fact, I think you gave us this information in a previous post IIRC.
Or you could have Kim (is that her name? I forget) talk to her like you were going to do for her when she was having trouble at work!
You could also say “I’m a little clausterphobic!”
Push her away while yelling “Bitch, please!” and then just continue on with your chat as if nothing happened.
Just say you need another foot or two personal space.
Well, I see that someone has already said “sneeze”, so I now settle for change your lunchtime eating habits and take up farting. A lot.
I wonder if you could enlist a confederate. As she’s walking up to the two of you, the confederate delivers a prepared bit. “…and he wasn’t comfortable with her working that close, you know? It was probably innocent and all but still…when others in the office start teasing him about it, he didn’t know what to do.” Or something like that.
At which point she learns, vicariously, to back off?
Why is saying “Can you slide over? I like having a little space” so hard?
And you have a “life history” and want to resist “temptation”? Dude, come on, unless she’s shaking her cleavage in your face during all of this what “temptation” is there to resist? Remember that you love your wife and be a man. What more is there to need to know?
“This is my dance space. This is your dance space.”
Failing that, grab a pair of half eyes and say, You need to be further away so I can see you. You’re all fuzzy so close.
The confederate would have to be a reasonably good “actor”, for want of a better word, AND there’s every chance that this Shelley either won’t take it in or will hear but not apply it to herself.
Nope, I suppose Skald just has to try to say nicely “sorry, I just do seem to be one of the people with quite a large personal space bubble”. (Yes, I’ve inadvertently offended a friend once before by automatically moving away when she sat down too close. No “temptation” or other issue, just personal space. Fortunately she did get the idea and all was well.)
I’m always amazed at this suggestion when Dear Abby gives it, too. Ya’ll make it seem so easy. I like to consider myself a pretty direct person, but embarrassing someone has always been hard for me. If someone told me they need more room, when I had no idea I was crowding and hovering, I would be ashamed that apparently I had no idea how to behave normally in a professional setting.
But I really posted to say this thread is cracking me up. “Bitch, please”. Ha!
But if they’re standing too close, then they don’t know how to behave, and they need to be told that.
Another vote for a simple, polite, “I’m sorry, but I need a little more personal space here, could you back up a step?”
Ask if she’s seen the ‘Close Talker’ episode of Seinfeld.
I had a co-worker years back that everyone in the office called the “space invader.” You could move away and she’d move closer, until you were backed into a corner or a wall. While walking outside one time, she almost “invaded” me off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic. If you called it to her attention, she’d apologize and move away. For about 5 minutes. Everyone found it very annoying. There was no option but the endless loop.
Well, I’m not usually inclined to scream “I have a history of being a cheating, abusive, manipulative bastard and I don’t want to mistreat Kim the way I’ve mistreated other women, so I’m very conscious of the need to avoid old behavior patterns.”
I don’t like people being too close, and although I’ve tried to put it politely, I don’
t have a problem with telling someone that I need more space. I’m much more direct with touchers - people who want to lay a hand on you while they’re speaking. I try to be polite and make it sound like a fault in me, not them. They aren’t standing too close, I just need more space.
StG
Well, then, that’s on you and not her. If she’s not trying to come on to you, and not trying to annoy you, then maybe she’s not standing too close, either. Or maybe she is, but trying to solve it in any way other than looking at your own behaviors and patterns is going to prove to be futile. There will always be another “tempting” woman.
I guess I’m confused about why you’d put this on a message board that your wife posts on, for one thing, unless we’ll be treated to another husband-and-wife showdown, like we have with at least one previous pair of Doper Spouses.
Agreed. The only logical response to this thread is…
- Be a man
- Don’t cheat on your wife
- Quit bitching