I concur. Man up Sally.
Kim’s not posting here anymore, so it’s not really an issue.
That’s it! Put this song on an endless loop and play it every time you and she have a scheduled interaction.
Or this one.
She’ll get the message!
I remember you saying you hoped you never cheated on your wife in another thread. Honestly, it baffled me. I hope you do have some actual problem with sex, and you’re not just some overgrown high schooler taking all the pussy he can get. If it’s the former, do look into some kind of counseling for your wife’s sake. Otherwise, grow up.
I’m going to say this and then exit, because frankly I don’t want to participate in a flamefest, which is what I see building. When I write that I hope never to cheat on my wife, I doh’t mean to imply that remaining faithful is not under my control; far from it. I mean that I intend never to do so, but because of my history I cannot deny the possibility if I am not diligent in controlling myself and my addiction. I have to work at not sexualizing situations, because part of my pattern has been grooming women through friendship and other seemingly innocuous circumstances so that I can fuck them. I’m very conscious of the behavioral patterns I need to avoid.
I don’t know why everybody’s piling on Skald. This person is just violating his personal space, and his history, while something he needs to consider, is not something she needs to know to be told that she’s in his face. If she’s doing it to him, she’s likely doing it to others who don’t like it any better. It’s unprofessional. I’d suggest putting both arms out straight as if you’re going to put them on her shoulders – but don’t – and say, “Over here, okay?” with a smile. You could do it to a guy, you can do it to a girl.
I was in no way suggesting that he tell her his history, and I don’t see others suggesting that, either.
What I was suggesting is that the more important question is, “How can I change my pattern of sexualizing friendships”, or however** Skald** himself put it, not “What to do about this one situation that might tempt me.”
I apologize for my assumption.
Any sympathy I had for you is now gone. “Mensch” up and tell her. She’s not some wanton siren, tempting you over flowcharts. :rolleyes:
Do men truly think this way at work? 
However… I knew an OR nurse who did this. I was always surprised that she hadn’t been killed in the OR. I knew her in my aerobics class and she would just keep moving in on you again and again, until you found yourself against the wall. When confronted with this, she admitted to doing it and that people had complained. She didn’t change, which tells you a lot about her. I hope you don’t have the same situation here, but honestly, it’s a simple request in a business setting. How hard can it be?
No, most men don’t think this way at work. Which is what makes the whole “It’s really hard not to cheat on my wife” attitude baffling to me.
I knew a guy in high school who used to tell me how hard it was not to cheat on his girlfriend one day and then tell me how many times he cheated on her the next day. Frankly, I just passed it off as him being an ass hole (of course, she later dumped him because of the cheating). Of course, I’ve never gotten the ass hole vibe from Skald before.
There’s been some sensible advice here, so I’d like to lower the tone. 
If she’s hot, enjoy the proximity. 
If she’s not, why do you think the taser was invented? :eek:
I disagree with this. Just because he has…a different reason for wanting this person to not be so close doesn’t mean he has no right to ask her to step back. I’ve had to learn that people will make completely reasonable requests for unreasonable reasons, and I see no reason to tie your “you’re pathetic” ‘advice’ with your “just ask her to” advice.
I never said he has “no right” to ask her to step back. I said if he wants to he just has to come out and say it. No cutesy games.
But I do think the constant hue and cry of “It’s so hard to resist temptation!” is a little pathetic. It’s, as someone else said, a little high school and if he really has problems with this, he shouldn’t be talking to us, he should be seeing a shrink.
<universe rights itself>
Thank you. It’s a bit much for this woman to be blamed for his “impure thoughts” due to an unconscious habit on her part… Talk about projection and not taking personal responsibility. Yikes. I had not gotten that vibe, either. Let’s hope the situation resolves itself soon.
Hmm, I don’t know. I mean, he recognizes that there’s a temptation there and I don’t gather he’s blaming her for it. He seems to own it as a personal weakness of his, and it’s exacerbated by the situation. He has to work with this woman. And whether she realizes she’s doing it or not, she’s not helping the situation by getting too close.
I don’t exactly know the OP’s situation, but what if it’s a sex addiction? Just as you wouldn’t test an alcoholic by offering him a drink, you wouldn’t show a sex addict a skin mag, either. Minimizing temptations is where it’s at and if the OP recognizes stimuli present that could trigger behaviors he doesn’t want, bravo!
It’s reasonable to expect some personal space, and different people have different comfort levels, whatever the reason. He shouldn’t just live with it, because he sees potential danger so IMO it’s really a question of obtaining it without offending, embarrassing, etc.
I’m also not a fan for a light-hearted/humorous approach because too often, people will treat it as a joke…after all, that’s how it was presented. Since my confederate plan didn’t get any salutes, I’d say make it direct, firm but gentle. The reason why he needs this space irrelevant. “It’s just me” will do fine, IMO.
Well what if it is? He said the woman isn’t coming on to him, so what exactly is he tempted to do? Throw her on the boardroom table and attack her? Thrust his face between her boosooms and go “BoogaBoogaBooga”? Grab her ass?
WHAT?
I work with a lot of men. I may sit close to them - I certainly joke with them which may be flirty. Some men think I’m cute. Am I to believe that if I do these things at work some dude is going to attack me?
Seriously - is the OP seriously suggesting that if he just LOOKS at some woman in a sexy way she’s going to rip of her panties and start rubbing herself against a filing cabinet?
I’m really not getting this at all. Maybe if she was coming on to him, but if she’s just coming in to work to do her job, and happens to be cute and hard of hearing, I’m really not getting the distress. Being a cute woman does not mean that you want to have sex with any dude from work. Not even if you sit close to him at a board room table.
But that’s bullshit because the problem is solved by Skald telling the woman he wants a little more space. It’s not complicated and it’s not hard. She’s not “exacerbating” anything but delusions in Skald’s mind.
@Alice, Justin: I’m going to have to go back and re-read all the posts.
Alice, I didn’t think he was saying that he could wink at her and she’d jump in bed with her. More like, these situations can start with a little innocent flirtation and escalate, like a recovering alcoholic has “just” one drink and the whole sobriety unravels from there.
@Justin: WAG, but I think Skald may feel like, ‘I’ve had some thoughts and just mentioning the space thing could open a can of worms.’ If she just says, “Oh, sorry,” that would be super. But what if her feelings are hurt and goes “Hell hath no fury” on him? What if she’s embarassed? He still has to work with her. What if she wants to talk about it? Tease him about it? I can see why he’d want to happen with minimal fanfare.
Back to re-reading…
If her feelings are hurt and she decides to unleash her wrath on him, that’s her problem. He wants more space so he should ask for more space, and if it becomes a problem he can handle it then. If he does it politely and firmly only a psychotic woman (or is that redundant? nyuk nyuk) would respond in any way other than moving away a bit. I think Skald is making this situation far more complicated than it has to be, just as he made the whole notion of his past life history in this thread more complicated than it needed to be.
Well yah, he kind of did. If there’s some woman at work who’s NOT coming on to you, it’s fairly arrogant to assume that with a hint of your male come on suddenly she’s going to drop her drawers and he’s going to have no choice but to fuck her.
I mean come on - does the woman in this story get no credit, whatsoever? Is Skald really so irresistable that one glance in her direction and she’s going jump on him like a hyena in heat?
Is it not possible that this woman really, really isn’t that into him? Perhaps she just sits closely because he mumbles? Maybe she’s happily married with 3 kids? The OP is really quite obnoxious - it suggests that Skald will be tempted by this close sitting cute woman and won’t be able to keep it in his pants. Well what the hell is the woman doing in all this? Letting him?
Totally absurd. If she was hitting on him, maybe. But he said she’s not. Frankly, I think he’s projecting and he should leave this poor woman alone. And tell her to move back, for god’s sake.
Talk about much ado about nothing.
No, but it’s not entirely implausible that Skald could just give in to whatever emotions he’s feeling and (say) kiss her, which the co-worker (probably pushing him away) gets really uncomfortable over and either makes it difficult for them to work together (which he needs to do as he stated) or at worst going after him for sexual harassment. I don’t think anyone is implying a woman who shows no romantic interest in him is just going to throw off her panties, but if Skald can’t resist whatever urges he has it still won’t be a particularly pretty scenario.