What's the female equivalent of "he's got a small dick"?

“She was every pirate’s dream; a sunken chest!”

Cum dumpster

I thought it was like the old joke.

After unsatisfying sex the woman says to the man, “Why didn’t you tell me you have such a small organ?”

And the man says, “Why didn’t you tell me I was playing in Madison Square Garden?”

As far as the cavernous vagina insults go, I think Denis Leary said it best on Rescue Me, when he said something along the lines of “fucking her is like throwing a hotdog down a hallway”.

OK, made me laugh. I’m oddly attracted to Denis Leary in this kind of “grosses me out but I wanna do him” way.

Her jeans make her look fat