What's the fucking deal?!

The BBQ Pit
1

What is the fucking deal?! Is there a law that says that when I put on my turn signal to change lanes, the guy in the other lane has to speed up enough that I can no longer get over, but not actually enough to pass the guy in front of me, so that I can get in behind him?! FUCK! Let me get over you self important son of a bitch! Why the fuck do people fucking speed up?! There was enough room! I could have got over. But you had to fucking speed up you stupid bitch! I almost hit a guy in a green ranger today because as soon as I started to merge, he sped up. THEN, he honked at me, because I had the NERVE to be merging, and get in his way, when he suddenly decides to SPEED UP! FUCK YOU! ASSHOLE! This happens so fucking much! Is there a rule that, to get your asshole degree, you have to speed up and prevent someone from doing a merge that would harm no one?! DAMMIT!

And THEN, FUCKERS, at UMKC, there’s a four lane road, Rockhill. In the morning, there’s no parking on the road going north. Evening, no parking going south. Tuesday morning, we were all commuting, when some FUCK RAG up ahead decides to STOP and park in the road! NO WARNING. He just fucking stops and get out, and walks inside. Four of us swing over into the other lane when we see this, but some unlucky bastard near the front must not have noticed the car wasn’t moving (He didn’t put on his hazards, either), and had to cut off the guy beside him to avoid slamming into this fucker’s acura. So, since the four of us have just merged, we are quite close to the other cars in the road. Instantly, for about a quarter mile, everyone slams on their brakes, because this guy cut over. Every other car swerves into another lane to avoid hitting the car in front of them. It was nearly a 10 car pileup because some fucking piece of maggot eaten SHIT decides it’s his fucking right to fucking park in the fucking road. DAMMIT! You people, you fucking people. There is nothing I can say so vile as to express my feelings for you. You stupid bitch. You, in the minivan. The far left lane is not yours. Going 45 in the left lane, of a four lane highway, with a 70 mph speedlimit, should be justifiable homicide. You stupid old woman, driving the Lexus. I don’t care if you dated Hubert Humphrey. I don’t care if you used to have a gramophone. You are too fucking old to safely drive. Your a danger to yourself and everyone else. Your right turns take three lanes, at 5 mph. You very well could die and begin rotting on your drive home. Ride the fucking bus. Get a chaueffer. STAY AT HOME! Or how about you, in the ghetto cruiser. I don’t care if you’re packing heat, got some corn rows, and sell crack. You fucking make one more right turn in front of me, going slow enough I have to slam on my brakes and swerve into the other lane to miss you, I’ll slam into the side of your fucking car, grab your gat, and go executioner style in the back of your neck. You fuckers. You mother fuckers. Each and every one of you sick, rotten, pathetic, inept, childish, petty, slow, anemic, impatient, STUPID fuckers. Get your thumb out of your ass, hang up your fucking phone, get some sleep, quit fucking swerving, get your bitch off your dick, stop combing your hair, get a radio remote, don’t pick your nose, put both hands on the fucking wheel, and DRIVE! You dirty mother fucking sons of bitches!

And you, you fucker on TV, on Conan. If I came on your TV and started talking about blacks, making racist black comments, talking about the ‘blackest city on earth’, making fun of the color of YOUR skin, I’d be sued, convicted of hate crimes, raped, and shot. So a FUCK YOU to you, good sir. FUCK YOU! Bitch. If you can make fun of my race, why can’t I make fun of yours? Can anyone explain THAT to me?

–Tim

2

Rough day?

3

That driver, was he Mexican? heh

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I don’t understand at ALL how anyone could have thought you were intollerant of others, Homer.

Yer pal,
Satan

5

Quality rant!

9.5, 9.7, 9.6, 9.4, with the Russians giving a characteristically low 9.1 for political reasons.

6

Look Homer,

There’s always gonna be idiots. On the road even more so thasn in other aspects of life. And although I can understand the irritation when someone does something stupid or dangerous (I myself can get quite angry behind the wheel), I sure as HELL hope you’re bot as angry in your car as you seem to be here. That would just be plain dangerous.

What brand & type do you drive, and what’s your registration ? Just incase I’m ever in the States, I might as well be prepared when I spot you in the rear view mirror…

Coldfire

“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
7

Homer - the problem is the area you live in. I am familiar with this area of the country. The most oblivious, clueless bunch of drivers that ever were. I have driven in some of the most congested, hellish freeways in the country, and the drivers there do not compare to the utter stupidity and cluelessness of the drivers in your city.

So, while I do not understand your prolific use of the “f” word (since I am a petite delicate flower I will not repeat it) I do understand your feelings.

I use my horn a lot when dealing with these drivers. They give me these owl looks, like “What did I do?” Completely oblivious.

My pet peeve is people who get on the freeway, and never even LOOK AROUND to see if they are going to merge right into a huge truck, or me, or anything. THEY ARE THE ONES THAT NEED TO LOOK! I am already ON the freeway. I have the right-of-way. THEY are the ones who are (supposedly) MERGING on the freeway! I have argued with natives of your area (as you can guess, I am from out of state) about this habit. They all say “It’s a courtesy” to pull over to the next lane to allow a person merging to get on the freeway. Yeah, right. But does that mean that they don’t even have to look around to see what is going on? People can’t always pull over to the next lane to make way for merging traffic. Do they think some sort of magic traffic fairy is going to clear the way for them? What is with these people? (I even met one girl who insisted that the people on the freeway had to get out of the way for merging traffic. She thought it was the law. THAT is how clueless these people are!)

Now I’ve had my rant. Thank you.

8

Homer, you might want to look into some sort of medication…

The IQ of a group is equal to the IQ of the dumbest member divided by the number of people in the group.

9

You know those refigerator magnets that are separate random words? The ones you can string together to make an inspired poem? They should make a special type just for constructing flames.

Let’s see here:

whiny
slack-jawed
intolerant
ECT candidate
archaic
mollusk

Anyone else wanna try?

Back off, man. I’m a scientist.

10

Two words: Anger management.

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Sorry Homer, can’t flame ya for this one. I agree with you on all counts (I think, didn’t read with an eye toward debating). The slow, and the hopelessly incompetant should not be allowed on the road. Well, maybe as passengers, but that’s pushing it. Maybe as road-cones. Yeah, that’s about right.

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As a petite delicate flower, I do not have the anger issues Homer does. However, I understand why he is so angry. I know the type of drivers he is dealing with. I know the area he is from. These people are the epitome of horrid when it comes to driving.

Never were there a more oblivious, clueless, moronic group of drivers, ever. They lumber out in traffic, right in front of you. They wait until you are almost upon them, and then decide to c-r-a-w-l out in front of you. The litany of complaints I have is endless. (I listed some others in my previous post.) I am not one to flip people off (petite delicate flower, remember?) but I do use my horn a great deal. Not that it does much good, but it is cathartic.