What's the most embarassing thing you ever did?

In My Humble Opinion
1

The topic “What’s the most embarrasing thing you’ve seen” was discussed some time ago.
Howabout the most embarrasing thing you’ve done yourself?

I have done a few things like looking for something like my sunglasses or hairclip around the house like crazy without realizing that I’m wearing them. Or pushing the door when it says “PULL” in big fat letters . But nothing too big.

Yet.
Anyway,
I do have one story for you:

It’s a beautiful summer evening and I decide to take a walk around the Old Town. So I’m walking around and at one point I need to make a phonecall. I step into this small pub that I haven’t entered before and ask if they have a phone.

The bartender mumbles something about “left from you” without even lifting his eyes. The crowd at the bar continues smoking and drinking as before.

“OK then”, I think and step to the left.

Whaddoyaknow?
A phone booth.

You know the small one with glass doors and a phone inside.
It looks empty.

-teigra pulling the door-
nothing.

Allright. Pushing the door didn’t work either.

So about that time everybody in the bar has their eyes on me. And the eyes are for some reason filled with the deepest confusion. They do know what I am looking for since they heard my question.

I am giving up and turning around.

Hey,
now I see the phone :slight_smile:

Attached to the opposite wall, just about a couple of inches behind me.
What I thought was a phone booth was just a bathroom with a mirrorglassed door.

I didn’t bother making that phonecall.
Just wanted out of there.

But the customers of the pub had a good laugh.
And me too.

2

When I was a freshman my classmates made me lipsynch to “I’m Fat” in front of the entire high school. That was a definite low point of my life. :slight_smile:

3

In high school a highly prized assignment was going from classroom to classroom handing out absentee sheets listing all the names of students not in so teachers could cross ref. the names with their class roll calls. it was a great way to get out of a class for 45 minutes, despite it really being a 15 minute job.

My last classroom I went to drop a sheet off of was that of Mr. Jones social studies teacher. As I walked in in front of a full roon of students, he said “Hello? Who is there?”

"ummm . . .I’m uh . . here . . to drop off this absentee sheet . . . .in case . . ummm . . .someone would want to . .see . . . I mean READ it . . . "
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Mr. Jones was blind.

4

While this is probably not THE most embarrassing thing I’ve done, it’s the most recent one.

I took a part-time job delivering telephone directories. One of my stops was a local grocery store. It had been raining all morning so my shoes were good and wet. So I walked in carrying 5 LARGE books and right in front of God and everybody my feet went one way while the books and I went another. Landed flush on my right butt cheek amidst a shower of yellow pages. Hurt real bad.
What made it worse was a couple of the employees rushed over to see if I was ok ( and try and prevent a law suit, I’m sure ) and made a huge spectacle of the whole situation.
They were well meaning of course but they weren’t very discreet about it and so drew even more attention to me.
I actually felt bad for all the people looking at me and trying not to laugh. It must have been quite a scene!
If any of you were Sesame Street fans as kids, I probably looked like the guy who always fell down the steps carrying pies and cakes. LOL.

5

Having a head-on collision in the UK (in which, thank God, no one was injured!) because I forgot they drive on the left side of the road there was pretty damned humiliating!

6

A large, similar thread that makes some good reading. Ties into this one :slight_smile:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=71077&pagenumber=1

7

This is just the most recent embarassing thing I’ve done. Went to a job interview. Wearing my favorite slacks. Everything went pretty well, or so I thought. After it was over I went home to change clothes. As I’m hanging up my slacks I notice my evil little dog has snuck into the bathroom and chewed the crotch out of my pants. Gee as far as I can recall I had my legs tightly closed the whole time…but, oh damn. I went on a job interview with crotchless pants. Commando style at that. TMI ahead, warning close your eyes if your especially sqeamish.

Just please, please [sub]pretty please[/sub]I didn’t have a very noticeable white string hanging out of my black and grey striped pants…
Anyone think they’ll call me? /snort/

8

After getting absolutely wasted in Austin one Saturday night, I woke up early the next morning back at my conservative Baptist university sprawled out on the front lawn of the religion building, awakened by the shuffles of my co-students as they moved around me to get to church.

9

I used to work in computer tech support at the local Health Sciences Center. A few years ago, the higher-ups all left and we hired a new chancellor, some new presidents, all kinds of folks.

So one day I’m in an office on the second floor with some co-workers, trying to get a computer up and running. A fella I didn’t recognize wearing a lab coat cruised by and said, “Who are you guys?” Figuring it was just a doctor from the Allied Health department, and thinking it was pretty obvious what we were doing, I said, “We’re the band.” “Really?” he said, “what do you play?” “Wax paper and comb.” “Ah. Well, I’m David Smith, the new president…”

Ugh, I coulda died. “It was nice working for you…”

10

14 Years old. Babysitting siblings (age 7 and 9) while parents are out. (Grandmother had died 3 days previously.) Hot August day, no air conditioner or fan.

SO: I chase siblings outside with their little neighborhood gang, close the curtains and the door, and settle back for a good read. About 1/2 hour later, “Ding-dong!”

Doorbell. I get up, walk to the door, open it…nobody’s there.

Go back and sit down. Pick up book, and “Ding-dong!”

Back up, walk to door, open it…again, nobody there.

Go back and sit down. Don’t even get to pick up book before “Ding-dong!”

Run to door. Open it in time to see neighborhood gang racing around the corner of the house, giggling like crazy.

Close door. Figure “I’m 14. I’m much smarter than a bunch of 7 to 9 year olds. I’ll fix them!!”

Position self behind door. Wait. Very soon: “Ding-dong!”

Throw open door, screaming “WHADDYA WANT!!!” at the top of my lungs.

I’m staring at a covered dish. Then I look up to see an elderly lady from our church holding it. She’s startled, but after my stammered explanation, she understands. Even finds it funny.

The worst thing: Hearing the hysterical laughter from neighborhood gang watching from around the corner of the house. I’d outsmarted myself!

11

I don’t have many stories, as it takes a lot for me to be embarassed.

But when I was six, I was in this gymastic/dance recital with the other girls in my kidnergarten class at Kinder Care (also with other girls from other Kinder Care’s). We dressed in different costumes and what not. The last costume was a fuzzy yellow chick costume. In it was a little plastic egg. When the hens started clucking in the song that was playing we were supposed to pull on a string on our costumes and an egg would release (with a bunch of ‘awws’ from parents). Naturally, as the only luck I ever get is bad luck, my suit didn’t have an egg. While the other girls got into a circle and walked around the stage behind our teacher, I was still in the front pulling the string. Before the curtains closed, I ran to the teacher and yelled/whined, “My egg won’t come out!!!” in front of all the parents, including mine. There was a video tape of it sold to parents afterwards, but my part was edited out.

The other time was when I was a freshman in high school, I was in Art class. I was listening in to a conversation at another table, which was very funny. I laugh and blow snot out of my nose in front of this sophmore who was sitting next to me. She was revolted.

12

I have a key for my neighbour’s house, and I know the code for his alarm system in case of problems.

So one day I am sitting at home eating a corned beef sandwich (with tomato and mustard) when I hear the alarm sound. I go next door to investigate.

I can see no sign of forced entry, and I unlock the door and turn off the alarm. I am a good neighbour so I take a look around, just in case. Everything looks normal downstairs so I proceed up the stairs.

Three of the bedrooms are very neat and tidy but the fourth looks like a typhoon has hit it. The draws of the dresser are all hanging out and socks, underpants and shirts are visible on the floor. There are books and CDs strewn all over the place. The bedclothes have been pulled back and pillows are on the floor. The contents of a cupboard have been exhumed and thrown on the bed. It’s obvious to me that a robbery has taken place.

I call the police, who arrive a few minutes later to check the place. They look at the room. They check the windows etc. but there is no sign of a break-in.

I call my neighbour at work and explain the situation to him. There is a long pause. Followed by:

‘I really must get Harry to tidy his room’.

Thee faulty alarm was fixed the following day. It is not known whether Harry’s room was ever cleaned up.

13

Picture this. Age 18…Senior Prom Night…2 am…After about a fifth of whiskey apiece, My date and I are making out in a deserted city park…My pants are around my ankles and my date is also in a state of undress.

Things are starting to get interesting when We really piss off a couple of swans (or geese) and they start hissing and harassing us as we clumsily head for safe grounds.

Thank god it was dark and no one had a video camera. I can’t imagine anyone topping that on America’s Funniest Home Videos.

14

I would post one from my life, but I honestly cannot remember any. I’m sure I’ve had a few, but my brain has effectively blocked them from my memory. It’s probably for the best.

15

Not being sure where the thread for other people’s embarassing moments are, pleased don’t get pissed it I add one here;

Nearing college graduation, we’d camped out the night before in a university building lobby in order to be first to sign up for interviews with a particular company. Come 11:00 or midnight, we were getting stiff on the hard floor and one girl asked if someone could walk on her back. A smaller guy took off his shoes and started to work his way up her spine. What happened next would certainly imply she’d had abundant Mexican food that evening. She let fly with a harmonious, blasting toot worthy of a tugboat on a foggy night.

We all tried to shrug it off as no big deal butt not bursting into histerics at the time was one of my most difficult accomplishments.

16

I chased the Special Bus.

Thought it was a regular school bus.

Had just started at a great big public middle school, and all of those yellow school buses looked alike to me.

I was late to catch the bus, and in my haste, ran for the Short Bus, waving and screaming and yelling.

Needless to say, it didn’t stop. I chased it halfway down the block before I realized that my school chums were standing behind me, up the street, convulsed with laughter.

I never lived that one down.

17

i’m sorry but i must applaud as i get up off the floor. ha!

18

forgive me i cant think of anything embarrassing/funny that has happened to me at this time. so ill tell one that happened to a buddy(as told to me). a friend of mine went to catch a train early one morning,waay too early.an outdoorsey type and sleepy. he decided to take a nap in a grassy knoll next to the station. he woke up and went into the now busy station to catch his train.when he entered he noticed people were staring at him. he said at first he paid it no mind. “maybe im just a little dirty from sleeping in the grass”-he thought.when the staring and pointing continued. he figured it must be more than that.about half an hr later he decided to go to the restroom and check himself in the mirror.to his suprise and horror his beard was full of small SLUGS…arrgg!

19

It didn’t happen to me, thank God!

He said if I ever told this he would kill me, so I can’t give his name.

I went to work one fine summer morning and Steve was walking kind of funny. At first all he would say is: “NO, nothing is wrong.”

Then he admitted the truth.

He lived alone and as was his normal habit turned the air conditioner off before he left for work, as to cut down his electricity bill. When he got home (hot, muggy East Tennessee day, house closed up all day in the hot sun), the first thing he did was turn on the AC and take off his work clothes before changing into shorts and a tee shirt.

While nekkid, he thought to himself, “It’s hot, I’m alone, so I’ll wash the dishes in my birthday suit while waiting for the AC to catch up. I’ll be more comfortable that way.”

This guy is the type that believes if a knife is not sharp enough to shave with, it’s useless. So, nekkid, hands all soapy and slick, he is washing this humongous butcher knife…when it slips from his grip and falls toward the floor.

He felt it as it went past a very important part of his anatomy. Steve said his first reaction was a straight ahead Deer-In-The-Headlights Look, and his first thought was, “OH F**K!!!”

He looked down and saw a lot of blood and a neat slice in his now-shriveled up tallywhacker. He ran to the bathroom and put a clean towel on it, then called his friend who is a Nurse-Practioner. To make a long story short, he met the friend at the clinic office. Took 7 stiches.

He was afraid to look at women or have evil thoughts until the stiches came out. Kind of scared they would stretch and go POP! :eek:

We still haven’t let him live that one down. :smiley:

But it makes me shrivel just thinking of it.

20

Passed out at New Years Eve party underneath Christmas tree of friend. Had horrible dream around 3:30 AM and sprang up smashing into tree, then falling forward with tree on top of me and passing out again.

Friends plugged the lights in and took several photos of what looks like me and a Christmas tree in flagrant delecto.

Lucky I never thought about going into politics, those photos would have ended it quickly.