Hi,
Well my question is clear.I want to learn the worst insults possible.I have been openly accused of being too soft.Too friendly to pick a fight.All that is gonna change as i have already picked the fight and raised the red flag(or whatever color you raise in war).Now i need to learn insults fast.I want to become the most despicable,despised,grouchy and ^%*%ing pain in the ass person with the most insulting words possible.Let the great doper minds combine to generate insults that the world has never seen.Let mountains tremble and skies thunder at the insults and of course get people to laugh at the targets and insults that are totally foolproof and cannot be answered back to.
Is what i ask for too much.Just give me your $0.02 insults and i am sure something really useful will pop up.
I am counting on you.
Ciao
Zeeshan
Got some bad news for you–there’s no such thing as an insult that’s “totally foolproof and can’t be answered back to.” As long as the insultee has a tongue in his head, he’s gonna answer back, even if it’s nothing more than a heartfelt “asshole!”
However, there are some physical insults that are unanswerable, such as cutting off someone’s testicles, or raping his sister, or marrying his mother.
When people give me personal insults, I usually
say nothing to see how big an ass they will
make of themselves. Then I say “Well, it’s a
good thing I don’t give a damn what you think.”
In my experience, the worst insult you can ever tell someone is the stark-naked truth about them. Those hurt the most.
Yes but i wanna be despised instead of considered the nice guy.NICE GUYS FINISH LAST.I wanna be the bad guy.
Sorry i made it so hard for you.Now that i think of it i wanna be answered back and thought of as a selfish asshole who doesn’t care about anyones feelings.You see people view me as a hyppocrite type of guy,'cos i’ll lie so that i don’t offend anyone.The climax came when i had an argument with an old friend and he called me a hyppocrite because he said i kept things bottled up but never showed my true feelings,and that i was so nice to everybody that i nobody really trusted me.He said a lot of nasty stuff to hurt me and they did.I answered really well and told him to fuck himself and so on.Well i just fought with quite a few people,its a group thing,they consider themselves part of some stupid group and i try to be friends with everyone.Also my ex-Girlfriend thought i had to start being meaner to people.
I wanna really piss people off.Ok whats the art of pissing people of and how do i go about changing myself so i can say stuff straight in peoples faces and not care about hurting anyones feelings.I don’t wanna be the politically correct guy.I wanna become straight out honest uncaring bastard son of a bitch %^%^%^%%^&%^&%&O)Y^&%%(%%%^(%^,you get the picture.Also i don’t wanna be nice to everyone.
Any insults,ideas etc. that you can add.I wanna be utterly despicable.
Bye
Zeeshan
If your looking for insults that you can store up and use later, you are going to make an ass out of yourself. If someone starts to tell you off just find the flaw or humor in what that person say and turn it around. You will probably not be to good at it at first, but pratice make perfect. I do agree with Baglady about the truth. That is always the best thing to throw at someone.
kinda what i am after.But how can i shed this skin that i am wearing?I am utterly confused.I don’t want to be utterly confused i wanna be utterly despicable and mean.
Bye
Zeeshan
The most insulting thing I ever said to anyone didn’t make me feel all that bad for some reason.
I was having a conversation with a friand of mine and a female friend of his who I didn’t know. She began talking about boy bands - which I despise with all my person - and she was saying how years ago she and all her friends really liked them and now only she does (she’s 20 by the way).
I didn’t really know her and usually say very little to people I don’t know but for some reason the words ‘maybe it’s because they grew up’ came out of my mouth and I didn’t feel that bad about it. I’ve never seen this person again so it must have been a good insult. Am I a bad person?
I don’t know if this is what you’re after but hell - I posted it anyway
kinda what i am after.But how can i shed this skin that i am wearing?I am utterly confused.I don’t want to be utterly confused i wanna be utterly despicable and mean.
DarkHeart If your looking for insults that you can store up and use later, you are going to make an ass out of yourself. If someone starts to tell you off just find the flaw or humor in what that person say and turn it around. You will probably not be to good at it at first, but pratice make perfect. I do agree with Baglady about the truth. That is always the best thing to throw at someone
Yes you are right and i am very good at(in fact considered one of the best at) witty humor and replies,but i have a strange problem.i.e i tend to censor stuff so that the other person(no matter how much i hate him).doesn’t get hurt.Now everyone knows my weakness and i wanna finish it.
Bye
Zeeshan
Bye
Zeeshan
way to go blokeychap
Wow how’d you manage that.I wish i could though i am getting there.I wish i could be as mean and despicable as you are.No you are not a bad person.
Answer a question of mine.If you had not asked her to grow up but just censored your words and said yeah well i really like ^%%)()&) by the backstreet boys just so that her feelings wouldn’t be hurt,would that make you a hyppocrite?
Or even not saying anything,just maybe giving a nod and a smile in agreement even if you disagreed.Well i have been made to think that it does and i wann become despicable,mean and despised.I mean totally loathed.I have never been loathed,but now i need to be loathed.
Hey the telling the stark naked truth once and for all is what got me halfway there(and got me called a hyppocrite).Now i am not really considered as soft as everyone had come to think,but i don’t wanna defend.I want to attack.I want to be utterly despicable.How can i overcome the barriers that surround me.
Why am i such a hyppocrite?
Bye
Zeeshan
way to go blokeychap
Wow how’d you manage that.I wish i could though i am getting there.I wish i could be as mean and despicable as you are.No you are not a bad person.
Answer a question of mine.If you had not asked her to grow up but just censored your words and said yeah well i really like ^%%)()&) by the backstreet boys just so that her feelings wouldn’t be hurt,would that make you a hyppocrite?
Or even not saying anything,just maybe giving a nod and a smile in agreement even if you disagreed.Well i have been made to think that it does and i wann become despicable,mean and despised.I mean totally loathed.I have never been loathed,but now i need to be loathed.
Hey the telling the stark naked truth once and for all is what got me halfway there(and got me called a hyppocrite).Now i am not really considered as soft as everyone had come to think,but i don’t wanna defend.I want to attack.I want to be utterly despicable.How can i overcome the barriers that surround me.
Why am i such a hyppocrite?
Bye
Zeeshan
Well, if you want insult material, try wandering through the pit. Warning: Not for the faint of heart…
However:
Not true – bad guys finish last also. It’s the assertive people who get ahead in life. Assertiveness doesn’t mean attacking, it means ensuring you get what you need and want while also accomodating the needs and desires of the people around you.
Example: For the sake of argument, you don’t like BBQ, it makes you sick. Your friend wants to go eat BBQ for lunch.
Too nice:
Sure, let’s go (you don’t enjoy yourself, later you get ill and hate yourself for having agreed and resent your friend for having asked in the first place)
The attack:
What kind of tasteless idiot likes that shit? (You lose, or at least erode a friendship. BTW, this is what my ex usually did. That’s why he’s my ex)
Assertive:
I’d love to eat lunch with you, but man, BBQ makes me ill – how about chinese?
There, you’ve stated your needs, offered an alternative and acknowleged the value of the other person. (BTW, if they insist on you eating BBQ, say, “Ok, as long as you don’t mind me throwing up on you later!”)
This isn’t easy to do, and we all occasionally are too nice or attacking. But if you’re constantly agreeing with others at the expense of yourself, you’re hurting them by not trusting them with your true self.
Punch the guy!!
Since Zeeshan said I kind of had the right idea about insulting people with the truth…
There are certain things we don’t really discuss, out of politeness. There are those PHYSICAL insults, such as:
“You really gained a lot of weight recently, didn’t you?”
“What caused you to get so fat?”
“Wow, you’ve got a really bad case of acne.”
“You must have had really bad pimples as a teenager. You have a really scarred face.”
“Have you considered learning how to put on make-up nicely?”
“We’ve been noticing that you’re getting thin on top.”
“Hey, I see you’ve started combing your hair forward to cover that receding hairline.”
Then there are those that are actually TRUE, but that we don’t normally say to people:
“You really do spread your legs to every man around here.”
“Why do you let yourself get taken advantage by all the men?”
“Why do you ignore your children by dumping them in daycare?”
“Your child misses you.”
“You’re really not very smart.”
Then there are the insults that hurt generically, even if they’re totally false, because even if we put up a big front, we are all somewhat sensitive, and these plant seeds of doubt:
“You know that people at work talk behind your back.”
“I hear you’re high on the list for getting laid off.”
“I hope you’ve been looking for a new job.”
“The boss said (s)he doesn’t really trust you since that X project.”
“I still like you; not like everybody else.”
“You know, your SO/sweetie/boyfriend/girlfriend said he’s been really unhappy in the relationship lately.”
“Didn’t anyone tell you that (s)he’s supposedly seeing someone behind your back?”
“Your friends are all planning on having a big party and not inviting you.”
Zeeshan:
First you must not give a fuck I mean it.
Some examples that I’ve said/done to people at work lately:
Misty, are you losing weight?
no, why?
Your boobs look smaller, and I heard that they are the first to go
Misty, your hair doesn’t look like shit today.
Hey, Teresa, did you say for me to pick up line one? (show them that ONE finger)
Rob, I think it’s great that you just took a shit, but don’t make me wipe your ass.
One I’ve not gotten to test yet: While they are talking to you, pick your nose, with your middle finger. Then flick it at them.
Talk on top of them, or to someone else in the middle of their sentence. That’s my biggest peeve. It takes some concentration for me to do to others, so it’s hard for me to do. But I’m getting better.
I’ll post more later, after I test them out.
Oh, tell them they drive a bitch car. Works really nice on guys with a lot of testosterone. Or talk about the hair on their dad’s ass. Boy, that gets em up.
I’m slowly discovering that the best insult ever is formed by giving the insultee a withering glare and turning away without saying a word.
Roll your wrist around and jam your hand right in their face (without making contact) while saying, “Talk to the flesh 'cuz the breath and fresh!”
Wish I could help you man.
I don’t know anything about insults or repartee. I never go in the pit, because people there make use of such diatribes as
“pus-oozing dog-fucker”
and
“red-faced, squinty-eyed, vein-throbbing, boner-biter”
and that sort of thing.
Hey, I know, you could ask Kyla, she always has something mean to say.
Hey Guys,
you guys came up with some good stuff.I love the punching part.However i am afraid they might die or something.I pack some really hard punches,i mean it,not that i haven’t contemplated it and i am gonna do it as soon as someone starts messing with me.However i am gonna watch some old movies and try to develop one of those black and white movie style knockot punches,you know like one punch and the guy is knocked out.
Hey baglady you’re the coolest.I am gonna keep all these insults in mind and use all three categories at my newfound “enemies”.I don’t care if their feelings get hurt.I’ve done that too long.I mean why should i care if they don’t.
The assertiveness part is absolutely right,but i wanna try being the despised type first.The reason is simple,i wanna shed my goodie two shoes skin and develop the dilligaf(Do i look like i give a fuck) personality.After i develop that,then i can develop the assertive thingy too,'cos my prob is my weakness of heart that i wanna shed.
I have been successful e.g today:
This guy in my class(i am majoring in computer sciences),well he comes and sits next to me in the library.He’s kinda like a freak and nobody really gets along with him except for me 'cos i didn’t give him the cold shoulder like everyone else.In return what he did was he turned me in to save his ass and got himself out for something he was equally involved in(long story,a prank we played and got caught in).Well everybody knows this so nobody talked to him.Damn i still didn’t give him the cold shoulder though everybody told me to.I guess that was what really exposed my weakness.Even though the guy had really turned fried my ass bigtime by getting me blamed for the stuff he’d done too.So he sits down and i really really insult him in small talk where these two other classfellows are laughing their heads off and the guy had the expression on his face.He kept asking me stupid questions just to keep the talk going and i kept pouring my witty replies at everything he said,never giving him an answer just a wise ass response.This really got him and he had no choice but to leave.Also this other guy,one of the enemies who had really had an argument with me on our mailing list and really said nasty things comes up to me in the computer lab and offers his hand(i guess i got to them after all),i totally ignore him and just go along typing stuff and he has held out his hand seeing no response he had to leave.They thought i would be like always and forgive everybody for fucking with me but i have changed 'cos like you said Brood McEto “Don’t give a Fuck”.It really is the best way.I feel so much lighter now.Its as if i am really really getting there.
One thing though i could and probably will try everything listed here but don’t expect me to pick my nose with my middle finger and flick it at the insultee.ughhhh you guys are groce 
on second thoughts, I think i’ll keep that one as a last resort.
Bye
Zeeshan
Hey Zeeshan,
I’m gross, not them. Oh, and I tried the middle finger + nose + flick trick on my boss today.
Of course I preceeded it with, would this offend you? He gave a definite yes. He almost looked hurt, and I added, I didn’t mean it.
Way to go, bro. Living like you don’t give a fuck leads to a more stressfree life. Believe me, I have the lowest stress on the planet… except right now. Back to School. Office Supplies. Not a good combo. Not in Waco, where it is the workers fault that the supplier didn’t make that item this year… UGH.
I tell ya, Zeeshan, I was this close to breaking something today. That’s why I’m shaving my head again. People tend to not fuck with you when you have no hair, a goatee/mustache, and a pissed off look on your face. The pissed off look is easier without hair.
Try this one too: Someone is talking to you like you gave two shits… “UM, excuse me for interrupting you, but, whenever you get a chance, would you mind kissing my ass/sucking my dick/fucking off. Just whenever you can is good.”
It’s nice. hehheh