What's your best insult in 25 words or less?

I suppose this would be an IMHO topic, but I’m guessing it will get at least a PG-13 rating soon.

The insults a lot of people use are the ones they are most sensitive about.

I won’t call a person juvenile, but I will call him old, the word that always rakes my pride.

Pussy whipped hurts, as do the failure-related insults.

I can easily ignore the ones about low IQ as unreal, but when someone says he expected better of me, he’s going to get something nasty in return. That’s too close to home.

The one that always gets my enemies mad, but requires waiting for an opening, is when he relates something he did wrong, such as mistakenly sucked up to the author, thinking he was the producer. Then I say:

That sounds like something you would do.

That line has always produced the reddest face, and greatest loss of composure, although I can’t say exactly why.

I’d say the fact that no one has responded to your post is the biggest insult of all. But ignorance is bliss. You bastard.


“That is so gay. I don’t think you could be any gay-er unless you were actually butt-fucking a guy!”

-courtesy of a friend of mine, and first used to insult a player on EverCrack (EverQuest)

Moist tuft of rectal pubic hair.

Well, this doesn’t exactly wither anyone’s scrotum to hear it, but when I see an adult being a complete moron in public, I sometimes say “Your grandmother must be so proud.”

It follows from the very Southern insult of “Where were you raised?!?!”

As far as insulting bad drivers I prefer the words on George
Carlin: “Hey, you drive like old people fuck…SLOW and SLOPPY!”

“You look like a leper’s bowel movement”

“Exlax for brains!”

I usually find out which celebrities people hate, then say something along the lines of:

“Hey, that new haircut kind of makes you look like Pauly Shore.”

Either that or I use words like “gonad”, “smegma”, or “munging” in my insults.

Then there’s my favorite comedic retort: “Oh YEAH?!? Well, you’re stupid!”


(That’s supposed to be a tongue sticking out. Looked different in the old set of smilies.)


Well, I don’t tend to be very nasty, even when people deserve it. However, I have to repeat what I said in the “You’re so skinny” thread (really, someone has GOT to tell me how to post a link, I’m getting thoroughly embarrassed)

If you look down your nose, adopt a haughty tone and say "ExSCUSE ME?" You generally get your point across.

Although I have to say, this is somewhat difficult when you are only 5’4".


Some of you might like THIS site if you want to find senseless insults or feel the need for some verbal abuse. :smiley:

You got housebroken wee-wee pads;
but you don’t own a pet yet.
Then I saw your girlfriend licking her left arm;
Oh I get it.

Klingon Klingon

Where’s Neuro Trash Grrl? Now there’s one who can effortlessly pull forth the most perfect, scathing insult without once using a cliche or hackneyed image!

Damn, I really, really want to grow up to be her, but I’m already older and screwed up the chance years ago. But damned if I can’t appreciate lethal, erudite, suave insults when I see 'em!


Then there’s my all time favorite Red Dwarf quote (I’m a fan, if you hadn’t guessed):

“Stop your foul whining, you filthy piece of distended rectum!” - Rimmer to Rimmer.

The one that always hurt me in staff meetings was the IS support guy who kept saying something he learned in the army to shut up recruits who complained.

Me: “The main printer’s been down all day.
Can’t you fix it or swap it out?
I have reports due.”
Him, with extreme unction: “That sounds like a personal problem.” And everyone knew you had been dismissed.

Even though it’s incorrect, that’s still the best usage of the expression “extreme unction” that I’ve ever seen.

I’d rather set my hair on fire and put it out with a
sledgehammer than spend another moment with you.

(Courtesy MST2K)