[…]You fucking pickled hag! You putrid, rusty, cum dumpster!
[…]And then the next night after your promises to the girls? Second verse, same as the first, bitch. Just another round of drink guzzling and balls-deep, cunt-flap-bashing Olympics with some guy who was resourceful enough to comment in the bar on how enchanting your blue eyes were. We both know they are brown, but why hold that against the guy when your root-weary vagina would do?
[…]Look, I know your life is complicated. I mean, it must be a real bitch having your gag reflex bashed in by some loser’s cock ring night after night.
[…]What else are you going to blame me for? Will it be my fault when your meat curtains drag behind you like a fucking bridal train? Will it be my fault when you die from some fucking unfathomable sexually transmitted disease that was formed from the ball-sack-bouillabaisse-C®ock-Pot you call a vagina? Will it be my fault when your daughters high-tail it out of town to get away from the rumors spreading like wildfire that their mother is so nasty that her crabs bungee jump from her tampon string?
[…]Forget that you ever knew me, you human sump. Forget my number and my name just as you have your dignity. Forget about pinning the blame anywhere but someplace where it takes a mirror to get it on straight. And the next time two fellas are using you for a human rotisserie, and the guy in the ‘back door’ pulls out because of some discomfort and investigates your colon only to find a class ring, a half a pack of Rollo’s, and a note that says, “You’re getting warmer!”, and in his disgust dives out the fucking window to his death leaving the other guy to decide if he wants to finish up or puke on your face, do not take so much as a nanosecond to even think about blaming me for any of it.
[…]Fuck you with a backwards porcupine for keying my car.
Fuck you with a flaming 747 for filing false police reports in a vain attempt to get me arrested.
Fuck you with a polar bear after being jerked off with a fistful of fish hooks for stalking my family and my new girlfriend (who is now my wife).
Fuck you with your daddy’s dentures for trying to get me fired from a job I held for nine years by calling the CEO of the fucking company and making up lies.
Fuck you with a rabid, pregnant wolverine (after being shown pictures of your vagina then beaten) for forging my signature on credit card applications and leaving my score in ruins.
Fuck you with a flaming copy of War and Peace for attempting to use cunt for currency in an attempt to have me killed.
Fuck you with a lit Molotov cocktail for the countless terroristic threats.
Fuck you with a cheese grater dipped in battery acid for turning your children into emotional basket cases.
You got another DUI? Couldn’t have happened to a nicer person, you fucking jiz-guzzling, monkey-spunk junkie! I hope the judge locks you up, and breaks the key off in the lock!