What's the most ridiculous synonym for "employee"?

Starbucks has “baristas”. Sounds like a Latin American dictator to me.

Wal-Mart has “associates”. Right. Associates in…evil!

I’ve also heard “team member”, etc. What about you guys?

Pssst, Elwood – a barista is a person who specializes in making coffee drinks. Has nothing to do with employee status.

The one that cranks me is “Ask a Kinko’s co-worker for assistance.” I don’t work at Kinko’s, so the people who work there aren’t MY co-workers! (Or cow-orkers, or any other variation thereof.)

empowered subordinate partner

In Dilbertesque fashion, a manager where I work used to call people “resources.”

Zev Steinhardt

when i worked for barton security, they made a point of telling us that we were security officers, not security guards.
apparently our 2 days of training (which involved sitting in a room watching videos) made the difference.

I worked for a telemarketer for about a week after I graduated high school. Our employer called us “Marketing Representatives”.

But at least one of my “valued clients” called me something that rhymes with “socktucker” during a “sales contact” - so I decided to pursue a slightly better career while I started college.

Mall cookie maker!

A rep from Disney’s intern program visited my puppetry class, and told us that people who work for Disney are “cast members,” even if their job is to sell worthless crap to visitors.

I’d vote for “resource” – great, so am I down there with the paper clips, or have I managed to rise to the same level as the staplers?

The Pennsylvania-based restaurant chain Isaac’s refers to waiters/waitresses as waitrons. While the term may have existed previously, this is the first place I’ve encountered it.

Starbucks employees, including us baristas (baristae? baristi?) are “partners”.

Long John Silvers used to (and maybe still do) give every employee naval military ranks in their stores. It always made me wonder if the CEO walked around the office with a little nametag pin that said ‘Fleet Admiral’ on it.

[Hijack]My SO and I once stopped at a Long John Silvers for dinner.

Worst. Dinner. Ever.

The guy behind the counter was like forty years old and had a permagrin plastered on his face. He introduced himself to us as Mr. Happy.

  1. Why do I need to know the name of the scary fast food guy?
  2. Mr. Happy?
    3 Hi, Opal!

He gave me what he claimed was a fish sandwich, but it was really shredded paper wrapped in a brown bag and soaked in rancid fish grease overnight. On a bun. It was still far, far better than the fried fish platter my sweetie got.

I think that real, normal people worked there, but this scary guy had broken in, killed all the teenage workers and stuffed them in the walk-in freezer, donned a uniform, and fulfilled a perverse fantasy of his by taking our order.

Mr. Happy?

Generally around where I work, the masses are referred to as ‘plebs’ while management are referred to, by the plebs, as arseholes.

We’re known as “associates”. I despise it…I don’t associate with these people outside my office unless it’s an absolute necessity.

I can’t think of anything horrid I’ve been known as, but I’m sure I’ve just blocked it out.

“Cast member” is always annoying. At least at Disney, there is something theatrical about it, but I’m not quite buying it at the local video store.
Not quite analagous, but I once met a guy during the Internet boom whose job title was “Head Sherpa”, which may be somewhat of an oxymoron.

Subway has (or used to have) “sandwich artists”. Said so right on their nametags.

When I worked at this restaurant in Oakland it was in the late 80’s and the whole PC thing was just starting (I think … I can’t come up with any other plausible reason for the following).

Waiters and waitresses were called: Waitrons

Hostess & hosts were: Hostoids.

No, I’m not kidding and it was not a space-themed restaurant.

The fact remains that “barista” is not a real word, and as such, it’s an idiotic, mumbo-jumbo replacement for a real word like “clerk” or “employee.” I’d be ashamed to say such a ridiculous word out loud, although a lot of made-up Starbucks words fit that bill. It fits the OP.

[Milton]I believe you have my resource.[/Milton]

I’m supposed to be a “Guest Service Agent.”

Screw that; I work at a hotel, I’m a desk clerk/night auditor.

And I’m certainly not a GSA.