A long, long time ago, when I was married, my husband’s brother was married to a woman who became a good friend of mine. She suffered from multiple personality disorder, or at least, that was what was thought at the time. She was also a heavy gambler at the poker machines that existed in every little country store in South Carolina. One day she called me and told me that she had left her husband a letter in the kitchen explaining to him that she had gotten her paycheck and spent it all on poker machines, and that she was so ashamed and contrite that she had decided to leave and never come back and that this was goodbye. Then she found her paycheck and realized that it was all just a dream, and wanted me to break into her house and get the letter before her husband came home. So I did. I’m really surprised that no one called the cops on me.
No (and I wish I got the reference), just something that sounded so genuine and heartfelt and so utterly personal that it couldn’t *possibly *be a shag line.
Why couldn’t she just go in and get it herself?
Joe
Thanks - we’e into our 79th re-run of Friends over here and I don’t take in the jokes like I used to. I’ll have to wait till I get home to play it through, paying attention.
IIRC, and this was 20 years ago so maybe I don’t, she was at work.
Let’s see:
So, my SO screams that our clothes dryer is on fire! I run into the house from the backyard, and sure enough - flames coming from bottom of dryer. I grab my cell phone in a panic and call - 411.
Yep, I called information to get the number for 911.
In my 20’s I was going for a job interview and decided all of my ties were a bit dirty, so I put every single tie I owned in the washing machine. Needless to say, they didn’t come out nicely.
Also in my foolish youth, I was cleaning my toothbrush and, just to make sure it was bacteria free, figured it would be a great idea to put it in the microwave to zap away the cooties. When the brush was taken out, it looked like the cutest little toilet brush you had ever seen…
On one one of the first days at the film studio where I worked, they were passing around one of those huge cards for everyone in the company to sign. It was for the head-honcho attorney in the legal department. I quickly wrote, “Happy Birthday!” in three languages and signed my name and passed it on. About an hour later, three attorneys from our department came over and asked, “Did you write this and sign it?”
“Yes.”
“It’s not his birthday - he is getting married.”
As hundreds had already signed the card, I had to white out what I wrote and re-write “Congratualations on your wedding day!” to cover up the ugly white out blob. The card now looked like crap, but it was too late to get everyone in the company to re-sign a new one.
One last one - I was 16 and going through the Haight Ashbury during the heyday of the hippie era…wandering through head shops, checking out the stuff. Saw a door headed upstairs, heard some musci and wandered up there. One dude sitting on a mattress, me wandering through - looking at the candles, looking at the lava lamp, checking out the albums. Finally, I picked up something and said, “How much is this?”
The dude on the mattress said, “Dude, this isn’t a shop, it’s my apartment.”
I dashed out of there so fast and I think my face was 9 shades of red.
Well, you were RIGHT about not going for those gloves. If you’d gone when HE wanted to, he wouldn’t have found that 20 dollar bill. So there. :D.
Seinfeld.
I was sitting with a group of friends and I was commenting on the converstion itself. For example, I’d say “I was just going to say that but then I figured it would sound better coming from you” and then she’d say, “why? because I’m a redhead?”
Speaking of dish soap in the dishwasher, how could I have possibly forgotten so soon?
This one happened to my parents in the 80s. I was very young at the time, so didn’t find out about this until later.
My dad was a police detective, and one day, for whatever reason, he brought home a counterfeit 20-dollar bill that had been confiscated as evidence. Not sure why he had it with him, but he was supposed to take it back to the station the next day.
That day, my mom was going to Wendy’s to pick up some dinner. She only worked part time, so my dad usually paid for all the groceries and meals, etc. She went upstairs in their bedroom to borrow some money from him, found the 20 on his dresser and used it.
Later on, when she came back with dinner, he said, “Let me give you the money for that dinner…” and she said, “You already did, I took the money off your dresser.”
“What money?”
“That twenty-dollar bill.”
Then he told her it was counterfeit, and from that day on, she refused to go to that Wendy’s ever again, afraid they would recognize her as the lady who paid with a fake twenty.
This reminded me of my favorite moment on Disneyland’s Jungle Cruise and it fits the topic.
If you’ve ever been on the Jungle Cruise you know the boat guides have a spiel that they do on every trip all delivered in the same comical drone. At one point the guide is referring to something like “the most strange and bizarre creatures you’ve ever seen over to your right” as you pass by an open area of the jungle that reveals a pedestrian walkway and you can see other park attendees walking by-haha, right? Well one time I was on it and the guide does that bit but walking through the open space are three Indian women in very traditional garb. So we look over and our jaws drop because --OHMYGOD RACIST! And we all look uncomfortably at each other and then at the guide- a young woman who looks mortified.
Other sitcom-y moments.
In high schoool 15 years ago, three friends and I were on our way to a live-action roleplay event at a friends house out in the country. We had been to the house a few times during the day but never at night and a plan to caravan out with other people fell-apart due to our driver’s need-4-speed. So we ended up lost completely on back country roads until we found a small town with a gas station…closed of course. So we’re standing outside this gas station loudly lamenting our plight when a appears and asks us what we’re doing. She lives behind the gas station and she thought we were vandals. We just tell the woman we got lost on our way to a friend’s house. The woman I’m pretty sure is about to offer us her phone but she looks at one of my friends and says “Are you wearing a cape?” Sure enough, Bill was wearing a vampire cape. She then kind stepped back and gave us rudimentary directions back to the main highway.
When I was about 7 or 9 my sister and I were staying with my aunt and uncle for a few days while my parents were out of town. My aunt is from Tennesse and made fried chicken for dinner… I just kind of picked at it and my aunt asked me “don’t you like fried chicken?” I replied “This isn’t fried chicken” “What do you mean?” “It didn’t come from Kentucky Fried Chicken.”
-Laugh track-
One time after an all-day outing my husband, kids and I finally got home and got the car unloaded etc. After getting the kids down and settled we hurried into the family room to “relax as fast as I can.” (Anybody who’s raised kids knows the feeling.) As he was flipping through the channels, I was flipping through the TV Guide. He announced, “Nothing but reruns.”
“No wonder,” I said, exasperated. “This is last week’s TV Guide.”
Thought of one more. I was working at a small business. I was unfortunately stuck with a bunch of coworkers, two of whom were the owner’s sons. One was tolerable, the other was a total shit stain.
My drinks had a habit of disappearing out of the fridge, and it was pissing me off. One day, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I finished about two thirds of a large bottle of Gatorade. Then, I topped it off with some water and a shitload of dish soap.
The next day about half of it was gone and one of the boss’s sons was out sick. Oops.
Sadly, it was the wrong one. Still, in the end I just ended up proving they were both little shit stains.
-Joe
Several years ago ('99), while working in Colorado Springs, I hit the late-nite drive-thru at a Burger King. I ordered a “Big Fish Combo, with cheese, and Coke.”
I take my bag, give the innards a quick check, and drive back to my hotel, just around the corner.
As I’m entering my room, I finally take a swig of my Coke to discover that it’s Diet Coke. I unwrap my sandwich and find not a Big Fish w/cheese, but a chicken sandwich, plain.
Since the BK was just close enough, I drive back, and ask them to correct the order. This time I check everything thoroughly at the window: it’s a Big Fish, but still without cheese, and my new soda is still Diet Coke.
Since the drone has left the drive-thru window to do other things, I lay on the horn to get them back, and by now I’m kinda ticked. Since I don’t want them wiping their ass with my food before serving it to me, I grit my teeth and nicely ask them again to correct my order.
They give my a chicken sandwich, w/cheese, and a Sprite.
I cut my losses, ate my chicken san, drank my Sprite, and haven’t been back to BK since.
While watching a friend’s kids I decided to take out my contacts. My friend’s 11-year-old had followed me to the sink to ask something and became interested in the holder for my contacts. (I was using an enzyme cleaner so the case was pill bottle shaped with a hinged piece connected to the cap, so it was a bit different from a typical contact case.)
She picked it up by the lid and was checking it out. I started to wash my hands and casually said the fateful words, “Don’t get the gray part dirty, that’s where my contacts go.”
Less than a second later there was a clatter as she dropped the entire piece to the floor.
It was an accident but I’m still convinced she never would have dropped it if I had kept my mouth shut.
I started keeping a list of "Sitcom Moments’ in my life - up to over 60 items. I’ll spare you the whole list, but here are a few already on this board. There was the time my wife gave my doctoral advisor a 60s song reference that went [post=8337168]right over his head[/post]. The time Mama Zappa exhibited [post=7450308]perfect timing[/post]. The time I confessed alcoholism to my bride - [post=7451035]sorta[/post]. The excitement in our [post=7452863]tenth anniversary.[/post] And the time my wife wished she said something [post=8304600]different to the receptionist[/post].
Tell. Please?
I must know what this shag line is!
I will only use it for good.
My good.
I have embedded links in my post. I’m on my hand held now, and I don’t see them either :smack:
Another quick one - Before we were married Mama Zappa dragged me to a bridal show. We unexpectedly ran into a friend of mine and his fiancee. Us guys were out of our element and making jokes continuously. The bridal fashion show included a bridesmaid’s dress in lavender taffeta. “Lavender Taffeta,” I say to my friend, “wasn’t she a Bond Girl?” Much male laughter ensued. Nearly thirty years later I think my rib is still bruised where