… Mama Zappa elbowed me. 
No, never!
Even if the 90’s hadn’t wiped it from my brain
When I worked as a census taker, I was greeted at one door by a young girl wearing nothing (so far as I can tell) beneath the comforter she clutched to herself, and who was obviously expecting to see someone other than me.
In fairness, this may be more of an 80s Movie Moment than a Sitcom Moment.
Well, once a commy came to visit and we asked him to have a seat…
Reminded of this today, as it is raining in Las Vegas.
Rain in Vegas is a rarity, and about a year or so ago, it was one of those very rare downpour days. I took the umbrella we had hanging in the garage, put it in the car and drove to work.
Granted, it is only a short walk from the parking area to the school, but I had on a nice, clean, white shirt and a tie and didn’t want to get soaked.
Got out of the car, opened up the umbrella and - voila!
I hadn’t used that umbrella in probably 8 years, it had been hanging upside down in my garage and it was filled with dust, sand, dead bugs and who knows what else. It all came flying down on my head and shoulders and front and back.
The good news was that I was dry, the bad new was that I looked like I had crawled under my house for an hour.
In the mall with my SIL, giving each other NYC jokes. As we are walking towards the escaltor, I say "Of course, the ultimate NYC joke: A tourist goes up to an NYC native and says “Will you tell me where Carnegie Hall is, or should I just go fuck myself.” I get on the escaltor, and hear my SIL say “Or should I what”?
I turn around, say “Or should I go fuck myself,” and realize I am talking to the middle aged lady that got on the escalator between myself and my SIL. I clamp my hand over my mouth and snap my head forward, only to let out an enormous snort. Behind me, my SIL says “Oh, SHIT.”
I get off the escaltor and step to the side. The stranger gets off and walks forward SIL gets off, we look at each other and start laughing so hard we have to sit down.
It’s not “full sitcom” unless, like Homer Simpson, you then say, “Hello, Information? Quick, give me the number for 911!”
If it had happened to me, even if my house was on fire I’d take the 5 seconds of my life to make that joke before (I assume) getting transferred to 911 (without having to hang up and redial). It’s a once in a lifetime opening (well, I guess there’s no guarantee of that, but ideally…)
I got peed on by a lion once.
And twice I’ve had mothers in a hurry to get their books out of their car to return them try to leave infants in bassinets sitting on the desk in front of me.
Went on a first date once that lasted 23 hours and included a lot of sex, which I would think would only work in a sitcom for, say, the Joey Tribbianni character or the Kramer, not the Ross or George (closer to me).
My wife and I play a game while walking around Portland where if we see an outdoor cat, we point it out first, then keep score to see who saw the most first. There’s so many cats around that it’s usually a high-scoring game with lots of competition.
One morning we’re playing as usual, when my wife sees a black cat on a house’s porch. I see it too, but she’s quicker on the draw, points and excitedly yells “BLACK!”
…right as an African American gentleman walks out his door with his morning coffee.
We mumbled something about how we were talking about a cat, who was of course nowhere in sight, and hustled away as he looked at us like we were insane.
Too bad you weren’t practicing your Spanish too. That would have been 90s sitcom.
I was working at Target. Everyone has little walkie-talkies to communicate with. Of course, this means that anything you say on them gets broadcast all over the store. One night, a customer approaches a team member near a display in Toys with a question that she can’t answer. So she gets on the walkie and starts out “Justin, I’ve got a customer by the balls - er, i mean-”.
I didn’t know you could actually hear someone turn red before.
Hey… I got peed on by a tiger once! I thought I was unique here!:eek:
This thread is a heck of a lot better than most sitcoms!
If I really scanned my memory I think I could come up with quite a few. There was a stretch of my life that I was having a particularly difficult time focusing my attention and experiences like this tended to happen:
After I screwed my friends, family and self in a failed investment (unwitting participants in a Ponzi scheme) I had to file for bankruptcy. I had spent my Sunday job (not to be confused with my Mon-Fri job or my weeknight job) as a security guard filling out all the forms – probably about 100 pages worth. I got home from work around 1am and called my buddy to shoot the shit… just as our favorite show, “The White Shadow,” was starting. I joked to my buddy, “Yeah, I could get going on my bankruptcy papers now, but why give up the chance to procrastinate?” So we watched the show together – after which time I got really tired – but now couldn’t find the the forms. A terrifying thought occurred… what if… oh, no. So I drove back to work and found them where I expected: strewn all over all over the intersection of Beverly Glenn & Santa Monica Boulevard. I had – once again – left something on the roof of my car and drove away. Took me until about 3am to gather as many of them as I could find as the wind had blown them everywhere.
Meh, it all worked out, eventually. Well, mostly.
I was waiting outside a classroom at college once with a couple of girls. I was chatting with one while the other girl (who was black) was reading something posted on a nearby bulletin board. I had a bag of Hershey’s Kisses with me, and offered one to the girl I was talking with. Not wanting to be rude to the other girl, I turned to her and said, “Would you like a chocolate kiss?”
She spun around, instantly furious, and demanded, “Would I like a WHAT?”
The bag of candy in my hand only partially mollified her. The rest of the semester, she kept giving me these deeply suspicious looks whenever we passed each other in the hall.
I remembered another one.
I was driving to work and saw our building manager sitting at the bus stop so I tooted the horn and pulled over. She smiled and waved.
It wasn’t till she was in the car that we looked at each other and both said “Hang on, you’re not-” and laughed and introduced ourselves.
She worked just round the corner from my office, so I gave her a lift anyway.
:raises a glass in PapSett’s direction:
I was once in an art class and was standing next to my friend as we set up easles outside. I put mine together, then noticed I had a screw left over. Nearby was a man who was having problems with his easle, so I held it out to him and said “Do you wanna screw?” Of course as soon as I said it I realized what I’d said.
He declined the offer and my friend just laughed and said “It’s a Freudian day!”
Granted, if it was a sit com moment he would have taken me up on the offer and I would have had to spend the next 22 minutes trying to get rid of him.
I’m not sure if this is sit-com-y, or just weird…
I was at grad school at Indiana University back in the late 80’s - in the theatre department. I was at one of the cast parties (something I rarely attended) and somone put “Heard It Through The Grapevine” on the stereo. A woman who was in the cast started singing along, and for some reason decided to sing this RIGHT AT ME. I have no idea why - I barely knew her. We get to the last verse, and she slapped me across the face - HARD.
Never did figure out what the hell that was about.
I got a flat tire on my way to Mom’s funeral.
More sad than funny, but some shows aren’t well written.
Walking along a glorious deserted beach, on holiday. Seagulls, sand, beautiful sunshine, backing on to a national park in New Zealand. The sort of place you commercials have led you to expect to bump into someone running in slow motion.
There’s a few bouldery rocks around, and I think ‘Hey, let’s climb up and sit on there to admire the view’. Scramble up to the top, sit down, look round the lovely view… and then straight down into the eyes of the man who chose the little hollow between the rocks to sunbathe naked.