I get lots of spam for moronic “man-boy toys.” The latest buzzword is “tactical.”
I’ve gotten spam for tactical flashlights, tactical laser pointers, tactical lighters, and yes, even tactical pens.
What’s the next tactical gadget to hit my spam folder?
Tactical food?
Tactical tacks?
Tactical Tic-Tacs?
“Tacticool” is the insult I’ve commonly heard used for such things.
Shoelaces.
With mil-spec aglets.
I never go anywhere without my tactical underwear.
It is designed to carry a weapon.
Tactical ID lanyards?
Tactical sunglass reservoir?
Tactical cash magazine?
…uh…
Tactical dildo straps?
Tactical bacon!
Tactical toilet paper: field grade, waterproof, tearproof.
Tactical is so 2013:
Already a thing: Amazon.com : CMMG Tactical Cooked Bacon, 9-Ounce : Camping Freeze Dried Food : Sports & Outdoors
Tampons. With paracord strings.
Yeah, I know. But bacon.
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26.24 for ONE 9 oz. can? That’s Profitable Bacon.
You can have my tactical kilt when you …
Tactical Christmas stockings.
…wondering how best to weaponize copies of Tacitus…
May not be legal in all states.
Obligatory Archer video. The tactical turtleneck.
Tactical bacon has been around for a while; it just didn’t used to be called that. When I was a kid in the 70s and 80s, the summertime family vacation was a three-week road trip with a pop-up camper. Celebrity Foods canned bacon was extremely handy on these trips because it didn’t need refrigeration, freeing up space in our small food cooler for other items.
