See subject.
Something with “I calls 'em as I sees 'em,” “I call them as they are,” and some quantum physics punchline.
“They ain’t anything until I call 'em,” perhaps?
Andy’s got it. I think, from a bit of Googling, you could tell the joke something like this:
Newton, Einstein, and Schrodinger are umping a baseball game and get in an argument about the call. Newton says, “I calls 'em the way they are.” Einstein says, “I calls 'em as I sees 'em.” Heisenberg says, “They ain’t nothing until I calls 'em.”
But I may have part of it reversed or otherwise messed up.
That is an actual quote from legendary baseball umpire Bill Klem.
“It ain’t nothin’ till I call it.”
“Son, when you pitch a strike, Mr. Hornsby will let you know.”
Schrodinger or Heisenberg? I think you did mess up.
Heh. I originally wrote Schrodinger and changed it to Heisenberg. I don’t know my physics well enough to know which is appropriate.
In this case, Schrodinger would be the right one for the punchline.
Schrodinger’s cat is NEITHER dead nor alive until the box he’s contained in is opened. In the same way, a runner is neither safe nor out until the ump makes the call.
Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle doesn’t work in this context. But there ARE jokes involving him.
Best known: Heisenberg was speeding down the highway when a policeman pulled him over. The cop asked, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg said, “No, but I know exactly where I am.”
Along the same lines, Schrodinger was speeding and a cop pulled him over. The cop aked for permission to open the car trunk. Schrodinger agreed. The cop looked in disgustedly and asked, “Sir, do you know there’s a dead cat in here?” Schrodinger replied, “Well, NOW I do.”
I like the version where they’re driving together (Heisenberg as the passenger). State trooper pulls them over, and asks Schrödinger: “Do you know how fast you were going?”
“Yes, I do,” quoth Erwin.
“Great!” says Heisenberg. “Now we’re LOST!”
(then the trooper decides this pair is just too weird, and asks to search the trunk, just to be on the safe side. Rest of the joke goes as described.)
Schrodinger is meant to say " Well cop, now see what you’ve done, you killed my cat by opening the trunk at the wrong moment !"
Right, but I put Heisenberg because I was uncertain.
or, you brought Heisenberg in as a relief physicist.
It’s BOTH Shrodinger and Heisenberg in that joke, until you read it.
Or neither, until read.
Nitpick: the cat is actually BOTH dead and alive until it is observed.
Exactly. 
Nope, both.
My favorite one of those:
On Stan Musial’s last at bat, umpire to catcher: “Son, if he doesn’t swing at it, it’s a ball.”