“Well if you like it so much why don’t you marry it?”
First person: “May I see that please?”
Second person: "There’s no sea on it, it’s all dry land.
BTW I sure am glad that the p in mpsims stands for pointless. 
Yours truly,
aha
That’s cheesier than a plate of nachos
Trying is the first step to failure
I work at a Free ISP…
“It’s free? Is that legal?”
“I’m using a macintosh with WIN98”
“I don’t want to download your program from the internet because I might get in trouble with my current ISP”
“I’ve been working on MacIntoshes since before you were born!”
Said by a customer calling in to tech support in 1996.
(Hint: the Mac was introduced in 1984.)
“Starring Jennifer Love Hewitt as Audrey Hepburn”
Never take a bath in a barbeque.
“I’m gonna slap some sense into you”
I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
Windows 2000: Professional Edition.
Well, if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do that too?
If you smeeeeeeel what The Rock is cooking!
Silliest thing I ever saw: A tractor pull on TV, where one of the trucks had a 510 cubic inch engine on it.
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
“If you don’t like it why don’t you move to Russia”
(and they always think it’s something clever that will shut me up as well. idiots.)
It’s a tie.
–Back in the early 1980’s James Watt, Secretary of the Interior for Reagan, refused permission for the Beach Boys to perform on the Washington Mall, because, he said, it was “too dangerous.” He was worried that crazed rock n’roll fans might cause an Altamont-style riot. The Beach Boys? Rock n’ roll?
–“Ketchup counts as a vegetable in school lunches.” Also from the Reagan era; I’m sorry I don’t remember exactly which duly elected representative of the American people came up with it.
(For you young folks out there, they needed the estimable Mr. Watt’s permission because legally the Mall is part of the National Park system.)
I love it when I get the opportunity to post this:
Man1: Look at that bunch of cows.
Man2: Not bunch… Herd.
Man1: Heard of what?
Man2: Herd of cows.
Man1: Well sure I’ve heard of cows!
Man2: No… A cow herd!
Man1: Why would I care what a cow heard? I’ve got no secrets from a cow!
New and Improved
Enright3
Enright, did you hear the rest of that conversation?
Man 1: Cows! You know, they’re covered in hide!
Man 2: In what?
Man 1: Hide.
Man 2: Where?
Man 1: Hide! Hide! The cow’s outside!!
Man 2: Well, so what? I’m not afraid of a cow!
Notthemama, I seem to remember another thing about the ketchup as a veggie item as well. Didn’t Represenitive Hienz of ??? stand up and begin his speech against by saying something along the lines of ‘You all know who I am, and I think that I can say with some assurance that if anyone knows ketchup, it is my family. Ketchup is not a vegitable, it is a condiment.’
>>Being Chaotic Evil means never having to say your sorry…unless the other guy is bigger than you.<<
—The dragon observes
[First Person] What time does your watch say?
[Second Person] I don’t know, my watch dosen’t talk.
Der Fuerer Reagan said ketchup was a veggie. And Rep. Heinz if from Pa.
Cecil said it. I believe it. That settles it.
Upon telling my husband that we were expecting our (unplanned) second child:
“How did that happen?”
This is my new sig. Thank Wally. It was his idea.
“I made my husband join a bridge club. He jumps next Tuesday.”
Pipefitter, my mother used that one all the time.
Me: What’cha doing, Mom?
Mother: Oh, I’m just reading this article in the news.
Me: What does it say?
Mother: Nothing, you have to read it!
If you’re wondering where I got my sense of humor, look no further…
Heck is where you go when you don’t believe in Gosh.
ohh and my 11 year old and I play this all the time:
10 year old: Well that’s life.
Me: What’s life?
10 year old: A magazine.
Me: How much does it cost?
10 year old: 25 cents.
Me: I don’t have 25 cents.
10 year old: Well that’s life.
Yours truly,
aha
oops make that first line my 10 year old.
Yours truly,
aha
http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/006665.html
Also, from an interview Carl went on last year:
We want someone with ten years experience in Windows 95 and 5 years on Windows 98.
I would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids!