Child: What’s for dinner.
Me: Food.
Child: What kind of food.
Me: The kind you eat.
Child: Can I go out?
Me: You can but you mayn’t.
Child: What?
Me: Chicken butt.
I envision very large phsycoanalyst bills.
or the alternate: Straw is cheap, grass is free, go to the farm and get all three!
PS. SingleDad, I really liked you until this thread, lol! 
“Mrs. Krabappel, are you trying to seduce me?”
VV: 
Sealemon88 and Pimpernel: suit yourself: suture self :rolleyes:
Do I have to explain everything?
No matter where you go, there you are.
I think that I’m going to have to go with: “Microsoft Works” as the silliest thing that I have ever heard of. That is one silly ass oxymoron.
The computer has brought more problems to man then any other invention in history. That is unless you consider Tequilla an invention.
“your feet smell worse than I do!” --my brother
Mayor of Snerdville, the home of Mortimer Snerd
“I’m just too much for human existence – I should be animated.”
–Wayne Knight
Overheard in a fast food joint
Man to son “Don’t get smart with me!”
So you want your kid to be stupid?
Oh oh! I’ve got another one.
“If english was good enough for Jesus Christ, it’s good enough for me.”
Yes, somebody did say that.
That was a well-plotted piece of non-claptrap that never made me want to retch.
What do you call a presidential candidate who plays drums?
Al Gore Rhythm!
“I was born in this town, I was raised in this town, and I’ll probably die in this town. Hell, I’ve already been hit by a car on this street, twice!”–if you recognize where this quote is from or who said it, please tell me.
Oooh! I just remembered–my mom used to do that thing to me where any word I said could be turned into a verb.
Me: Can I have a cookie?
Her: I’ll cookie you!!
“I was born in this town, I was raised in this town, and I’ll probably die in this town. Hell, I’ve already been hit by a car on this street, twice!”–if you recognize where this quote is from or who said it, please tell me.
Our version was simply, “–hay’s for horses!”
I always said:
Hay is for horses,
and sometimes for cows,
pigs don’t eat it,
'cuz they don’t know how.
Silly, huh?
Cecil said it. I believe it. That settles it.
Thanks for the welcome, Notthemama.
This gem recently appeared on the Christian board I help administer:
“Jesus is the best lover.”
While I am Christian and take my faith kinda sorta seriously on occasion, this… um… gag
Well hell I always heard it, Hay is for horses aren’t you glad you are a cow?
Yours truly,
aha
“Compassionate conservatism” George W. Shrub
No, no. It’s:
“Hay is for horses.
Oats are for cows.
Milk is for babies,
To shut up their mouths.”
Voted Best Sport
And narrowly averted the despised moniker Smiley Master
Forward deployed until 18AUG00
Anything that has ‘bedboy4’ attached to it. :rolleyes:
“This will be the most ethical Administration in history!”
One that sticks out in my mind is someone telling me:
“You drink so much Mountain Dew. You drink Mountain Dew like I drink blood… uhhh, if I was a vampire.”
He insisted it made sense in his mind.
Announcement over the high school PA system, senior year (1970). Body bags were coming home from 'Nam, students (bystanders) were shot at Kent State, civil rights workers were missing (and murdered) and the school was worried over dress codes:
- men: no hair to touch the top of the ears or the collar
- women: no slacks allowed; hose required; no sandals; no skirt above the top of the knee cap.
- all: no political symbols; no writing of any kind on clothing.
[evil grin: just a reality check for those “retro-historians” given to tidy cliches about the 60’s]
The whole school is called into Assembly. The nasal voice of the Admin (no one ever SAW him) comes over the PA, drones on for a while, then…::drumroll::
“…[drone,drone]…and holding hands leads to PREGNANCY and sandals lead to DRUGS!”
I still can’t buy a pair of sandals with a straight face.
Just say no,
Veb
Bedboy4, if you’ve come in here, I’m sorry for the mean, petty post that I left in here about you yesterday. 
I don’t call names, and that is too close to it for me to feel very good about myself tonight.
I’m sorry,
Judy