What's the stupidest thing you've ever done to injure yourself?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
141

My husband contributes this,

After many tries, I finally perfected a recipe for creamy potato soup. I gluttonously consumed as much as my stomach could handle and placed the rest in a container for future consumption.

Next morning I awoke, anxious to finish off the ambrosia I had prepared the night before.

I poured the soup into a Pyrex bowl and set the microwave for a couple of minutes. I wanted it hot, not boiling. Ah, perfection, a steaming bowl of thick, creamy liquid ambrosia.

Little did I know, I was about to discover that ambrosia is the instrument of Satan.

I placed the bowl on the counter. Before I went for a spoon I made a fateful decision, I bent over the bowl to take in a breath of the delightful aroma.

While I was delighting in the aroma, I managed to put the tip on my nose into the soup. Reacting immediately to the pain, I drew my head back, forcefully. This caused me to slam my skull into the kitchen cabinet. The pain slamming my head into the cabinet caused me to react by immediately jerking my head in the opposite direction. This put my face into the bowl of scalding soup. Guess what happened next? The immense pain of immersing my face into near boiling liquid caused an involuntary reaction that forced me to (you guessed it) slam my head back into the cabinet.

This absurd cycle continued until my knees finally buckled and I fell to the kitchen floor, face scalded and back of head bruised.

142

Let’s see, dumb things that I’ve done…
Uhhhhhhhhh! [lifting up diary of “Dumb Things Jasmine Has Done”]

THUMP!!! [Dropping diary on desk top]

Let’s see…Here’s a good one on page 35…no, a better one on page 156…no, here’s a really good one on page 273!

Okay, one day after school I decided to heat up some fish that I had stored in a metal casserole in the fridge. I wanted to heat it up quick 'cause I it was Friday night and I was going out with my buds, so I set the oven to 400 degrees. While talking on the phone, the timer went off and I had to take the casserole out of the oven.

Well, with insulation pads in each hand, I carefully removed the casserole from the oven and placed it on the stove top. I then put down the insulation pads and REMOVED THE TOP OF THE CASSEROLE WITH MY BARE HAND!

*Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I had to run my hand under cold water for almost an hour because of the intensity of the pain.

Hah, try to top that one :)!

143

I just wanted to comment that this was one of the most appropriate typos I’ve seen around here.

144

Age: 6 or 7

Mission: making something out of a cardboard box.

Tools: Cardboard box and scissors

Scenario: I hid in the dinning room, next to the china cabinet and behind the dinning room table. No one would see me because this room was only used for special occasions. With my cardboard box resting on my legs. I opened the scissors in a butterfly manner. My hand between the blades and with a downward motion I proceeded to cut the box into sections. With in a few minutes later I felt this sharp pain. I looked down and the scissor was in my thigh. I pulled it out ran upstairs with blood running down my leg to the safe corridor of the bathroom. Being a short little shit, I had to jump up and down till I reached the band-aids, and the rubbing alcohol that was in the cabinet. I poured the alcohol on my wound and blew on the freaking pain, dabbed it with a tissue and put a band-aid on. I hobbled downstairs and cleaned up my mess, put the scissors back where they belonged and went outside to play. Btw, these scissors were the forbidden ones.

I still have the scar to prove my adventures with the forbidden scissors along with other scars from sharp objects.

145

Once at work I cut my finger while opening a box of paper with a razorknife.

Then while describing what I did to someone I sort of pantomimed my actions while holding the razorknife and, you guessed it, cut myself again (even worse)!

146

I can top all of these. You ever seen the old cartoons where a character attempts to shoot someone, but the gun doesn’t go off, so the character looks into the barrel, pulls the trigger, and blows their face off? I did that, only with a flamethrower.

I was 17 at the time. I had a potato launcher–if you’ve never seen one, imagine a rocket launcher made out of PVC pipe. It’ll propel a half a potato about 400 feet, and it’ll get it over there Right Quick. It’s powered by the ignition of a large amount of hairspray in a small chamber.

Thing is, if you take the barrel off, you get a device that’ll turn a little bit of hairspray into a footlong jet of flame. I wanted to show this to my friend. So I sprayed the hairspray in, closed the loading end, and pressed the trigger.

Nothing happened.

I pressed it a couple more times, with the same result. I decided that the spark must not’ve been going off. Well, with the loading end closed, the only way to see the spark is to look down the barrel.

I held the barrel up to my face and pressed the trigger.

My friend said that all he saw was a little blue smoke, and he heard a little “FWOOMP” sound. I felt warm.

I guess that by that time, most of the hairspray had evaporated, cause all I got was a jet of very warm air. I managed to miss my face, and I didn’t even set my hair on fire, but I did singe the top of my head pretty well. Took me a while to get the smell out of my car.

Worst part was, I had to pack it up and go back to work. No one commented, but I’m sure they noticed.

147

I remembered another stupid one:

When we were younger, my brother and I took great delight in jumping on my mother’s bed. It had great springs, so we did it whenever my parents were at work and grandma was taking a nap.

We would also put on three or four pairs of socks, spray the hardwood hallway floor with Old English Furniture polish, and use it as a slip and slide.

The side of the bed faced the door of the room, which led to a long (15 feet) hardwood hallway, which led to the bathroom, and ended with the side of the tub.

I guess you can figure out what happened next: we decided to bounce on the bed till we gathered enough momentum, then hurl ourselves into the hall and slide down it. So we oiled up the hall really well, put our socks on, and got ready. However, lacking the foresight that comes with maturity, we failed to close the bathroom door and line it with pillows.

I went first (I always went first). Jumped till I was dizzy, launched myself into the hall, landed on my feet briefly, lost my balance, pitched forward, landed on my tummy, and slide facefirst into the porcelain side of the bathtub.

I knocked out three of my front baby teeth, busted both lips, and bit my tongue so hard I passed out. I also managed to give myself a black eye. But I had fun - I picked up some serious speed before I landed on my face.

148

I got pretty plastered one night and literally vaulted myself into the back of a moving pickup truck from Saskatchewan with a bed full of lovely Canadian ladies, only to fall and break my left hand on egress from said pickup truck.

Pictures of my cast can be found on the People Pages.

Tripler
The doctors floored me when they said “surgery”.

149

More stupid and embarrassing than painful:

A few years back, I joined a kickboxing club and immediately began viewing myself as badass studmuffin numero uno. Having rather long and flexible legs, one of my favorite tricks was to swing one leg up to kick something hanging at just above head level while keeping my other foot on the ground. While I was at my parents’ house, I spotted something hanging at a suitable height and let fly with a mighty swing of my leg.

It was at this point I realized that, first, while the floors of my apartment were tatami, my parents’ floors were waxed hardwood. Second, when you’re wearing socks, waxed hardwood is a darn good approximation of a frictionless surface. My support leg flew out from under me, and I was soon airborne and horizontal.

Wham!

In the split second before the pain set in, my only thought was “damn, that was stupid.” By some miracle, I avoided major injury, although my back was really sore for the rest of the day. Of course, the miracle I’m really thankful for is that nobody saw me do this.

150

The more I read, the more I remember…

8 years old. I’m on the swingset in the backyard. You remember the kind with the hard plastic seat attached to the chain link? It’s great fun to stand on the swing and spin and get the chain all twisted together. Then you can get spun around really fast as the chain unwinds. This is slightly less fun when your feet slip off the hard plastic seat and your neck gets caught in the notch above the twisted part of the chain. I end up hanging from my neck, making several revolutions, and screaming bloody murder. Remarkably, I’m just a bit scraped up.

I’m 16 and I have my first job ever working in a Boy Scout camp kitchen. I’m slicing an entire thingof Bologna for lunch meat on one of those big slicers that you see at the deli counter. My 16 year old mind begins to wander abouth 3/4 of the way through the thing. I am brought back to reality when the slicer blade goes ZING! as I cut through the Bologna. “That’s funny,” I think to myself, “Bologna ought never to go ZING! when you cut it.” It doesn’t, of course, but your middle finger will make it go ZING! when you cut the top half of it off from the first knuckle to the tip. It healed up eventually and looks (mostly) normal now…

I’m working on this REALLY bad movie called “America’s Deadliest Home Video” and the Director wants explosive gunshot wounds like in the big budget movies. After a bit of thought, I come up with a small pyrotechnic charge inserted into a condom filled with stage blood. Fire the charge and blood spatters everywhere. The actors are a bit squeemish and would like me to demonstrate that it will be safe. So I strap the thing on and set it off. Unfortunately, I used A BIT TOO MUCH explosives. I ended up with a nice big bruise on my chest and ringing in my ears for about a week.

and yet, I’m still alive…

151

Two stick out in my mind

  1. 10 years old, playing hockey. I finally learned how to skate backwards (don’t laugh, it’s tough) and was showing this off in a game when i hit a net that wouldn’t come off it’s bearings for me, causing a serious back injury.
  2. 12 years old, I try downhill skiing. After a few runs I decide I can handle a tougher course. I soon learn that your right ACL and meniscus are really important when you want to be mobile.
152

Stupidst thing I’ve ever done to injure myself? Dunno if these are them but thier pretty dumb.
Age 10:
I live in Missouri, or Missery as us natives call it. We have a lot of rivers here and the popular thing to do, regardless of who you are, is go on a “float trip”. (Canoe trip) Well, on one such trip down the Houza Valley River my friend and I spotted this cave in a cliff. So, being the explorer I am I climbed up the side and into the cave. It only went back a couple of feet before it got to small and dark for me to proceed. So I climbed back out. Well, I was about 10 feet up and figured I’d jump into the river. Bad idea. There was one 3 feet of water. Fortunatly my knees gave and I rolled with the fall (lots of climbing experience, see next) but boy did my feet hurt. Had bruises on the bottoms for a week.

Age 17:
I’m a fairly experienced climber. Dad was a Ranger in the army and figured I should experience what he went through in basic. Most of it I enjoyed and I have to say I’m a much better person and survivalist for it.

Well dad’s showing me how to repel down a cliff face. It’s about a 60ft drop to the bottom. Not that tall really. So I went over first, being the “You get the courage after you do what scares you” guy I am. Thats about when dad starts screaming at me. Seems I forgot to put on my gloves. :eek: Man, you wanna talk about a burning sensation! It was 30 ft before I was able to stop myself. Well, I was so focused on my hands that I wasn’t paying attention to my rebound to the cliff face. Ended up catching a jagged rock with my knee. Cut to the bone. Made it to the bottom just fine. Some Iodine and a gauze and I was ok.

Age 22 (this year):
Did I mention I live in Missouri? Ever been here? Theres NO mountians here, but we do have a Ski Resort. :confused: Anyway, I go to Colorado every year to Ski so I wanted to get warmed up. Well, Missouri weather is freakesh. It will be 20 degrees one day 74 the next. So the day my friend and I went out to Hidden Valley it was pretty cool. By mid-day the sun had been out for a while melting some of the snow, but since it was still cold the snow was turning to ice in patches.

Well, I have this “shortest distance between two points” skiing mentality that normally I can back up. So I tell my mate “Hey Jason, check this next run. I’m gonna fly down the hill.” So up to the top I go. Down the hill I rocket. Right over an Ice patch. My right ski grips at a bad angle and I loose it, kartwheel, and am now flying down the hill head first at break-neck speed. But, physically unscathed I stood up in triumph! Packed snow so hard in my ear that it was frozen there for 2 hours. Perpetual brain freeze. When I got the the bottom my friend said he thought I was doing great until the two guys behind him went “Whoa… look at that guy.” in hushed awe. :smiley:

153

OK, so I can’t top the stomach-churning content of much of the above posts, but here goes. I was trying to shut a very heavy window, and was planted on the counter using all my strength to push it up so I could latch it. I got the window up, and heard a satisfying “foomph” as the window slid into the frame. What I didn’t realize was that my finger was trapped at the top of the window. I got the window down again and released the finger, which only now started to ache, and throb; the pain became so intense I had to sit down and do some deep breathing. The nail became completely black, so I looked like a guitar player, and eventually split down the middle and fell off as the new nail grew underneath. Nearly nine months later, the nail looks almost good as new. While it was falling off, though, this absolutely foul, ungodly-smelling black flaky blood came out from under it, often eased by a pair of tweezers. It had a strange, biologically stale aroma, and I couldn’t stop smelling it.

154

ok ok here’s one that’s kinda enbarrassing but what the hell. I went over to my parent’s place to hang out and no one was home. I go upstairs and putter around their exercise room for a bit. They have a treadmill kinda wedged into a corner facing out into the room. I figure I’ll do a bit o’ jogging. Course, I’m bad and tough so I crank to max elevation and fairly high jogging speed. I’m running along, start puffing after a bit but feeling good…run some more, getting tired , figure on gong just a little longer…getting real tired now, I want to stop but no I gotta do a little more…getting real tired…slip and fall backwards onto the treadmill where it carries me back to the wall. Remember I said this machine was wedged into the corner? so I’m stuck on my back wedged into the corner with the treadmill scraping skin off my back and I can’t move cause my head and one arm are wedged into the corner and my legs have no place to push off of. Thus began my introduction to the weaknesses of turtle style kung fu. I finally managed to flip myself off there somehow, flailing about with my one free arm and legs.
Later that night, the wife noticed my back and asked me what the heck happened. Well I hated to tell her but I did and she cracked up for days. Told everyone we know about how this lithe, agile, badass kicking multi black belt dude fell off a treadmill and couldn’t get up.

155

I was repairing my vacuum cleaner in the nude when I slipped and…oh wait, no, that wasn’t me.

What I really did that was incredibly stupid: I had bought some blades for my matt cutter and found they didn’t fit. See, the ones I need have a largish hole in the center and the ones I bought had a smaller hole. So, I figured I could drill the hole out and make them fit. I put a blade down on a drill press, and lowered the bit WHILE HOLDING THE BLADE DOWN WITH MY FINGERS. The drill caught the hole and the blade started spinning. Luckily it only cut across my thumbnail and about 1/16" or less into the skin. I didn’t need stitches and healed fine, but, it was only 30 seconds after it happened that the thought “Tempered steel, razor sharp, boy am I an idiot” went through my head.

Also when I was a little kid, maybe 6, there was a grocery store next to the jail where we lived (dad was sheriff) and one summer they repainted the incinerator at the back of the store. So… about 3 days later I was curious to see if the paint was dry so I walked up to it and placed my palm flat against the surface of the BURNING incinerator. Not too bad, blisters, bandages for a few days, luckily it was my right hand and I’m a lefty. I do sometimes wonder why I didn’t notice heat coming off the thing.

156

My SO stuck his hand in the middle of 2 fighting dogs. One was a Great Dane. Ripped his whole finger open, and 6 months later, the fingernail nub is still trying to work its way back in.

157

I can top all of these

When I was 17 I woke up one Saturday morning relizing I had slept on my arm and had ‘deadened’ it. Now I am 3/4 still asleep so I got my other arm shaking the dead arm vigorously to try to get the blood flowing . Now my arm and hand are really really dead…so much so that as I am swinging it back and forth, I manage to pinwheel it without any feeling.

“Cool” I think sleepily and try to do it again, only in reverse.

My arm swings mightily, gathering speed on the apex. It flies up, around, and spins the open palm…directly into my face at about 80 mph.

Now its got weight behind it from years of football and it hits my closed eye face with about as much force as a pink sledgehammer. I yelp as I tumble backwards off my bed, cracking my head on the endtable and ending up with a sizable knot on my melon, a near concussion, and a big red handprint on my face for the better part of the day.

Needless to say, I woke up rather quickly.

158

This may quite possibly be the funniest thing I’ve heard all day! :smiley:

159

Ok! Ok! My turn.

Bike Story: Like most young boys I would build ramps to jump anything I could on my bike. One day friends and I discovered this hill at the edge of the military base our fathers were stationed at. We could fly higher and farther than ever before after building up speed zooming down that hill. Like most military installations this one had a fence around it with barb wire strung across the top. (Insert stupidity here) One of us, don’t remember who, thought we had enough height to make it over the fence. Yours truly got the short staw and went first. Top portion of body made it, lower portion and bike did not. 10 stitches, busted bike and a beating from dad after being drug off the fence and escorted home by still laughing Security Police.
Fall #1: Supervising group of guys doing demo and Asbestos removal on a burnt 3 story building. I yell at a guy for not having a safety belt on while on the roof. Make him put it on and yell at him, “Damn it, you better not fall off this building!” while walking backwards and step through a now non existant skylight and fall into Asbestos contaminated enclosure. 36’ fall = Compound fracture to femur, dislocated knee and hip and 30 min wait for Fire Dept to put on Air tanks to pull me out.

160

I got a nice gash on my thumb trying to cut open a golf ball with a pocketknife. I was lucky I missed the tendon.

But damn, golf balls are cool inside! There’s like, ten thousand really wound-up rubber bands (at least in this one)!