This was a cold, icy winter night, I opened the garage door half way so I wouldn’t be hit with biting wind as I went to take the garbage out. I successfully get the bag to the alley and head back to the garage (keeping my head bowed to avoid the wind) and manage to run head first into the garage door. I get knocked down, put my hand to my head in shock, and then about a minute later (after what has happened is absorbed) I begin to cry due to the pain. It is sooo funny now, but at the time wasn’t so much. At the time I was 12.
Hmmmm. Tough one.
Was it the time when, as a teenager, I was making touch powder (no, the mods would not be happy if I told you how) in a jar. This stuff is safe when wet, but basically high explosive, set off by any slight concussion when dry. So some of this stuff got on the side of the container and must have dried a bit. Stirrer touches it, bang. Throws the rest of the stuff up into my face and eyes. Luckily eyes are wet. Spent the afternoon in hospital getting eyes irrigated.
Yes, that would probably be the stupidest.
2nd of July, in the (new) car with some buddies on the way home from buying a buttload of fireworks. We see this guy we don’t like riding his bike on the sidewalk, and my (drunk) friend in the passenger seat asks me to slow down so we can shoot a Roman Candle at him…
Buddy lights firework and hangs it out the window. 5 seconds later, he’s still holding it and nothing his happening, so he pulls it back into the car with the comment “Fuse must have went out…”
It didn’t. Luckily it was only a 5 shot version, so were were somewhat spared as the flaming balls ricocheted around the inside of the car.
Me: minor burn on wrist
Buddy:
In high school, 2nd of July, in my dad’s (new) car with some buddies on the way home from buying a buttload of fireworks. We see this guy we don’t like riding his bike on the sidewalk, and my (drunk) friend in the passenger seat asks me to slow down so we can shoot a Roman Candle at him…
Buddy lights firework and hangs it out the window. 5 seconds later, he’s still holding it and nothing his happening, so he pulls it back into the car with the comment “Fuse must have went out…”
It didn’t. Luckily it was only a 5 shot version, so were were somewhat spared as the flaming balls ricocheted around the inside of the car.
Me: minor burn on wrist
Buddy: lost all his hair on one arm, plus half an eyebrow
Car: Scorched upholstery, which I had a very hard time
explaning to my dad
Oh, and the guy we were aiming at was laughing his ass off after it was all over.
(1) when as a kid i found a sheet of glass (window pane type). threw into the air … against the wind. broke on my head … not a scatch, still can’t figure why not.
(2) jumped over an open drain, well, tried to. fell straight in bruised but unbroken.
(3) sisters were playing at the front door, one not letting the other inside. i came running up and bang into the one on the outside. did i mention the door was glass? straight through… again not a scratch.
(4) and it goes on …
This once comes to my mind:
When I where a little kid, the day after newyears eve, we usually walked around the town and collected the fireworks that had failed to go off.
I found a unexploded firecracker, the fuse was half burned but else it seemed ok.
I cut it open and removed the powder from it, placed the powder on a table, put the half burned fuse into it and ignited.
Now doing this inside - on your parents table is stupid, but if the fuse only glows and you then proceed to put your head near it and blow on it - that is really stupid.
Burned a nice black spot on the table and cost me my eyebrows.
Another one:
I was riding my little moped at night when the head light on it went out, I reached under the headlight to try and wiggle the wires abit and hit a parked car with my knee, had alot of fluid buildup in it and couldn’t bend it. It was drained at the emergency room and I walked with crutches for a month.
If you haven’t read this whole thread by now, I strongly recommend it. Just finished it and I still find myself having to suppress giggles at my desk.
My stories are borne of the unique combination of a high level of athletic ability, little to no common sense, and a hidden vein of klutziness that rears it’s ugly head at inopportune moments.
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I’m tall. Really, really tall. I had a great friend in high school who happened to have a ceiling fan in his surprisingly low ceilinged bedroom. I stood up when it was in full motion. Somehow I only had a small cut while the ceiling fan lost 2 blades.
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Once again related to my height. Tried ice skating once. Now, most first time skaters will be a little wobbly so they will either fall down or grab onto the wall for support. Neither of those options are good enough for me. As I start to flail, I look for support. I notice that I can reach the top of the wall. Turns out, the top of the wall is made of razor sharp metal. Took 2 full zamboni runs before my blood trail was off of the ice.
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For pure stupidity take one part 12 year old and 1 part electricity. Mix well. I was a teachers aide. The best part was that it was during the period the teacher had a class in another room. Since I was a trusted honor student, I had the room to myself to do my work. One day, decided to see what would happen if I attached a metal flyswatter to the prongs of an elctical cord and plug it in. Turns out, it results in a massive shock to the plugger (me), a large but cleanable charring of the wall, and the shutting down of the power to the entire school. Somehow got away with that one.
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Did you know that if you jump off of a moving truck but pump your legs like you are running in mid-air, it does absolutely no good when you hit the ground?
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Playing wiffle ball in a backyard, I managed to run clean through a split level fence. I was fine other than a couple of bruises, but the fence looked like a truck hit it.
And, just to show this is vaguely hereditary, my dad was trying to tape over a vent on the upper part of a wall. he was using electrical tape, which can be darn tricky to tear apart. Lacking scissors, he tried twisting it. Eventually his brute force won out as the tape snapped, promptly propelling his fist into his forehead and knocking him out.
Painful memories !
About 17 years old and preparing for a long weekend school trip. Going caving, lots of muck and darkness. Never tried it before but sounds like fun. Very excited and dashing around the house picking up the stuff I’m taking with me. Leaping up the stairs two at a time. Miss my footing. Catch the very top of the arm (just below the shoulder joint) on the edge of a step. Cracked the bone. No weekend trip for me. Very embarrassing to tell my class mates that I broke my arm going UP the stairs.
On a skiing vacation. First day, just starting to get the old legs working properly. One of those flat light days where there are no shadows and it’s difficult to see the contours etc. Cruising down this very wide, not steep, prepared piste. Bang ! Face down in an area that they missed when they were flattening the piste. Get my face out of the snow and shake off the stuff when I hear a voice say, “I just did the same thing”. Look over to my right and there’s this attractive young lady in a similar position. Twisted my knee a bit but had a great time with the young lady. 
1] Some years ago, I used to operate an offset press. It was a 2-color Multi. One time when I was running a job, I saw where a sheet of paper gotthrown into the back head’s rollers. Since shutting down and restarting a press can be a lengthy process, I decided to just grab the sheet and pull it out while the press was still running. Bad idea.
The rollers pulled in the sheet just as I grabbed it, and my hand got pulled inside the rollers! The machine stopped and started humming as I was screaming like a boatload of sailors. My coworker managed to keep his head and called Public Safety. In the meantime, I’m dancing around in pain as my hand is still trapped inside the press. PS shows up in less than a minute, it seemed like, and start trying to take the press apart as I’m still flailing around and screaming. I eventually calm down enough to tell them what to do and my hand finally rolls back out.
The EMTs showed up and looked at my fingers and said the bones weren’t broken, but had me wear splints on them anyway.
2] A couple of years ago, I was driving back home from work on the interstate, and I saw my gas needle on the E. I figured I could make it to a gas station off the exit ramp. It’s a busy intersection though, and I run out right at the to pof the ramp. I get out, keep the door open, and start pushing my truck with one hand on the steering wheel. I turn the truck right and head towards the gas station, which is the next right. As I make the turn, I attempt a Dukes of Hazard maneuver and jump in the driver’s seat while coasting the truck next to the gas pump.
By some twisted lapse of logic, I think I need to brake myself with my left foot. So, I make contact on the pavement with the bridge of my foot to slow down my coasting truck.
I was wearing flip flips.
The pavement gouged out the entire layer of skin on top of my foot from side to side. Afterwards, I filled up my gas tank, trying to ignore the pain, and calmly (HAH!) drove home to try to dress the wound. It eventually healed over after a few months, but I still have a pink patch on my foot wear the gouge used to be.
In reverse chronological order:
A couple years ago: After I put on a shirt, I noticed that it had a particularly stubborn wrinkle that somehow hadn’t been ironed out. No need to take off the shirt and iron it; we’ll just save time by ironing while wearing the shirt. I have a nice little scar on my stomach from that one!
Age 18: This was a really dumb, self-inflicted injury. I got home from school with aching feet (new pair of shoes) to discover the Mother of All Blisters on the sole of my foot. Yeah, I know you’re not supposed to pop them, but it’s so much fun! This blister turned out to be really deep; however, I always try to finish what I start. Once I got done cutting away the loose skin, I discovered that I actually could not walk without major pain. I had to wear a huge gauze bandage for the next week while the bottom of my foot healed.
About age 15: Half-lying, half-sitting on a cot at Girl Scout camp—a friend did/said something amusing. I’m laughing my head off and rolled over, forgetting those cots are very narrow. Fell out the side of the platform tent and down about four feet to the ground, catching the back of my leg on a rusty nail.
Age 9: Had the brilliant idea of biking down the hill in our side-yard while wearing roller-skates. I had to run into the tool-shed to stop myself. Also age 9: cutting toward myself with pocketknife, slipped and cut myself.
Dumb thing done by family member: My father was horsing around with my little brother, who was about 2 1/2 at the time. They were alternately peering/yelling at each other through a long cardboard tube, and my father thought it would be clever to drop a peanut in one end and have it slide into my brother’s mouth…more like directly into his windpipe, which resulted in a frantic father shaking little brother by his ankles and getting yelled at for stupidity by my mother.
My story:
Okay this is more “sleepy” than “stupid”, but it had some Keystone Cop elements to it.
I have Little Cat who was rescued from a junkyard. She is very small for an adult cat and still a wee bit feral. If she knows you she loves you to the point of being really annoying. But she is VERY SKITTISH – terrified of strangers, sudden noises and sudden movement. She also hasn’t ever learned that “under foot” = “stepped on” or “falling human” and has caused several nasty trip-and-fall accidents.
Early one morning, I was sleepily making my way down the hall (I’m really not a morning person). Little Cat was already circling my ankles like a hungry shark. I got to the end of the hall where a big shelf juts out and on it sits the phone and my keys. With Little Cat swirling around my ankles, I thought to myself: “Oh, ho! I know this trick! Best to scoop up Little Cat and carry her to the kitchen rather than risk an early morning trip and tumble.”
So with a big, sleepy yawn, I crouched down on one knee (best to lift with the knees not with the back, dontcha know), scooped up Little Cat, and stood up again – completely forgetting that I was, at this point, crouched under the self.
Kerblam!
Now bashing yourself thusly is quite painful on its own. Yet Little Cat had to contribute too. Being so very skittish, the sudden jarring crash frightened her. She spun around in my hands (rather like the Warner Bros. Tazmanian Devil) and attached herself to my face à la egg-creature from the Alien movie, hooking her claws into the back of my head.
Just as well, since having my face burried in the fur of a cat’s belly muffled the string of profanities issuing forth from my bleeding mouth (bit myself when I’d whacked my head.)
Bent over, I backed out from under the shelf, with a cat still attached to my face like the alien. Little Cat took this opportunity to flee. She clawed her way over my head, ran down my back and lept away, leaving serious gouges on my back from her hind claws.
Now wide awake, I remained bent over in pain from the various scalp, tongue, back and facial wounds and thinking “oh, this sucks…”
My friend’s story:
Ah, now this one fits the “stupid” catgory, but we were very young.
You remember you poolside safety. Always swim in pairs, and you can’t go by the pool unless an adult is present. They should add “adult must be awake.” Because my friend’s aunt was dozing in the sun and slept through it all.
I was four, my friend was five. Neither of us could swim, so we had water-wings. Marvelous invention. Inflate them, stick your arms into them, and they keep you afloat with your head above water. A five-year-old’s logic? “If they keep my head above water when they’re on my arms, I bet if they were on my feet, I could walk on water!”
Her logic seemed sound to me.
So she stuck the water-wings on her feet like slippers and proundly marched out onto the surface of the water. It worked too! For all of 2.5 steps! Midway into her third stride she flipped in the air. With the water wings on her feet, she was upside down underwater and unable to come up for air.
Not wishing to get us into Big Trouble, I decided to rescue her myself and quietly started to dog paddle out to her (my water wings were still on my arms), but progress was slow. Fortunately, after much underwater thrashing, was was able to get them off her feet, surface and grab the nearby ladder.
No adult has ever known about her near-drowning.
Chasing a bad guy through back yards after dark(used to be a cop). He was about 25 feet ahead of me, when he disappeared. Not being smart enough to slow down, I soon found out where he went. As my wind was cut off and my eyes bugged out from the clothesline across the throat, I was lucky enough to have my fall broken by landing on aforementioned bad guy. Knocking the wind out of him a second time. Luckily, I recovered first. I ended up with a strange, smudged looking bruise on my throat and chin. He ended up with 30 days.
A couple of years ago, I went out to urinate. I forgot I had just chopped up about 40 jalapeno peppers to freeze. :eek: :eek: