…inspired by pbbth’s thread, here.
I haven’t gotten too many weird gifts, but I’ve given a Spinthariscope, and a custom watercolor portrait…in the style of Big Daddy Roth.
Anyone else got anything good?
Assuming you’d count as gifts the prizes that I used to give out to school aged kids whilst playing various games after school (I used to be a daycare worker), I’d say these:
[ul]
[li]A box of off brand Brillo-type pads[/li][li]A large jar of minced garlic[/li][li]A Clay Aiken CD*[/li][li]A Dolly Parton CD*[/li][li]A frozen shrimp cocktail party platter[/li][li]A large ham[/li][li]A jug of prune juice[/li][/ul]
*Remember: These were six- to twelve-year-old kids we’re talking about.
I once gave some friends a full pound of glow-in-the-dark Silly Putty for Christmas.
A hand-carved throwing spear with stone head designed to kill lions. It was put together by a tribal guy I knew in Africa.
I gave it to the bride at a wedding I later attended.
One time a long time ago, I sent an addressed envelope and birthday card for a friend to one of her favorite musicians after contacting him online. He agreed to sign the card and mail it to her. Even better, he upgraded the package size and added posters, stickers, and an autographed copy of his latest CD! Great guy.
I got the idea from my brother, who had done the same for a friend of his (though I think the person he contacted was a poet).
A set of long metal probes, circa 1880, used to diagnose and treat diseases of the penis.
A short sleeve tan velor jumpsuit, completely with short sleeve shirt, pants and a headband. For a guy approximately 6’5 250 lbs. I was told to use my imagination for my little brother. I warned him he wouldn’t like my imagination. It’s actually turned into a long running joke. I steal it back every year and add a little something extra. First we bedazzled stars, then added fringe, last year we puff painted designs all over it. I think next year we’re thinking airbrushing!
A toy chainsaw to a really girly girl.
My husband’s family does a white elephant gift exchange each Christmas. It’s totally random; no one knows who brought what or who will get what.
My husband’s aunt’s father (a round, balding man of around 70) ended up getting a leopard print silk robe, feather duster and leopard print velvet tank top.
I gave my mom a hemostat. It used to be mine, but she saw it and wanted one for doing craft projects. Next time I mailed out holiday-related goodies, I wrapped it up and added it to the package.
Ahhh, too many to list but some big hits:
a life-sized bust of Elvis
a Last Supper lighted diorama that hangs on the wall
a larger than life ceramic armadillo
I’m pretty proud of my white elephant gifts the last few times:
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Two books: “Scary Clowns” (in pictures) and “The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification”
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A fake bronze hand statue, the hand is ‘throwing the horns’
I also physically gave my sisters a gift that a friend of mine bought for them. It was addressed to both of them. The contents: a large flesh-toned double-dong. The reaction pictures were amusing to say the least.
I also got someone a large chocolate lollipop in the shape of a giant wang. That part’s not so weird as who I gave it to: my mom.
A co-worker brought in a catalog of holiday gifts to sell for her daughter’s school. I spent some time trying to find the least hideous thing that I could get and still support my co-worker. Then I decided to take the opposite tack, and find the most hideous thing instead. That turned out to be a bell molded to look like the head of Santa Claus caught on a bad day. (His cap narrowed at the top to form the handle.) As an added touch, it was spray-painted with a patina of fake dirt, which I guess was to make it seem to be an heirloom. I then gave it to my brother for Christmas, and the look on his face was worth every penny I paid for it.
Rather than a “going away card” for someone who was shifting jobs I substituted an 8 foot 2x4 which everyone signed. I think I even managed to gift-wrap the thing. This was a bit of an inside joke going back years when the same person gave out little scraps of wood from his workshop with labels reading “The firm appreciates all of your hard work this year however we have zero budget for gifts” (which was true). Everybody got a laugh out of that so I figured we could respond in kind.
Years later we did something similar only I dug up the oldest, most decrepit computer we had sitting around in the disposal pile. We all signed it, wrapped it and gave it to the same guy when he transferred from one job to another.
He still has the 2x4 hanging in his garage and the ancient workstation on his shelf at work.
I bought a bat house for my dad for Hexmas a couple years ago.
http://www.workshopcreations.com/bats-001-bth.htm
He mounted it on a telephone pole on his property and it was packed with bats last time we checked. (Don’t know what kind though.)
In a similar vein, I gave my sister-in-law a chimenea for Christmas one year, which isn’t all that odd in its own right. The odd part was that I managed to wrap it. The notion of a gift-wrapped fireplace amused me.
I would be so pissed if one of my teachers gave me a jug of prune juice for a prize. Like, really, really pissed. I assume I’d say something like, “What the hell is this shit? Where are my Ninja Turtle action figures?”
I used to give my young students stickers on their worksheets if they got a score from 95-100. I chose really cool ones, too: holograms, lenticular image stickers (I think that’s what they’re called. Those kinds with pictures that change when you view them from a different angle), glittery ones for the girls. One day I ran out of stickers and didn’t put any on their papers, which made the kids upset. Not wanting to disappoint them, I dug around my office to find whatever stickers I had. I came up with a book of stickers of famous Supreme Court justices and the kids got those. Not only were these totally un-flashy and boring, but my students are Chinese and don’t know who any of those people were. The kids were pissed.
Whatever. I tried.
I have given-
A Troll doll made up to look like Jack The Ripper, complete with Fwom Heck letter and felt plush half kidney
(these are Doctor Who jokes) a bottle containing air from my lungs, complete with illustrated label and warning “made in a facility that processes tree nuts”
A bag of dried peas wrapped in paper reading “all good faith”
A cutting from a paper reading “my grandfather”
When I was in 8th grade, I gave a friend of mine a bottle of rain for her birthday. I don’t remember now what inspired that gift, but I do remember she was a bit confused when she unwrapped it at her party. I lost touch with her after that year, when I went to a different high school than she did.
15 years later, I go to grad school in another state and, surprise, this old friend is also in my program. I ran into her in the hallway one day, and in our first catch-up conversation, she mentioned she still has the bottle of rain I gave her. I thought that was pretty neat. 
A felt vagina necklace. It was rejected. I still have it. 
Oddly enough, I didn’t begin officially dating the gift recipient until after that incident. She has no one to blame but herself…