A good friend of mine likes to meet people online (myspace, etc). For the most part, this is just to meet “online friends” - she’s only once before met an online friend in real life.
Recently, she’s been getting close to this guy who lives in Paris. Yeah, Paris France, and we live in Chicago, IL. He apparently really wants to meet her, and is willing to fly her out there for a week (around $600, apparently). She’s all for it, but everybody she talks to about it is apprehensive.
This includes me. The whole idea gives me the heebie-jeebies, but I can’t think of why. I can’t imagine ever meeting somebody online and then spending $600 to fly them out. But on the other hand, I can’t figure out what bad thing exactly I think is going to happen.
Any thoughts, wordly Dopers? Are we paranoid, or sensible? Is my friend crazy to want to go, or is it fine?
Have they talked on the phone? sent pics back and forth? exchanged adresses?
How close are they?
If he’s willing to fly her out there I would make sure I have all his contact info ahead of time, including his work phone number, his companies name, his Mom’s maiden name, excetra.
This is tough, since If I was the one paying for the ticket I’d want to have all that information about her likewise. And I think we know what can happen when one person chooses to scam another person. They give too much information to the scammer or give credit card and SS information.
If he’s willing to spend the money to fly her out there (and presumably take off work to spend time with her) why doesn’t he just come here instead? It’s the same thing (as far as his pocket book is concerned) and she won’t feel like a possible mark.
Too much can go wrong on her end if she flies out to Paris;
He won’t be who he says he is
She’ll have to give him personal information to get the tickets
She’ll have to give him personal information (CC or SS info) as an act of good faith
He’ll bait and switch the whole thing (like asking her to pay for the tickets - last minute)
He’ll demand she repay him with acts of intimacy, etc.
I see too many bad things that this could lead to that outweigh any possible good things.
I can’t imagine what could go wrong in such a scenario! It sounds like such a wonderful and thoughtful thing for him to do! Tell your friend to have a lovely trip!
(Sarcasm, like creepiness, can often be difficult to detect.)
I have met a lot of people from the internet in real life and so far I haven’t met anyone who made me feel threatened.
Despite that, I still think: Yes, I think you’re right to be apprehensive. You have to wonder just what exactly he’s expecting to get his “money’s worth” from spending $600 to see someone for the first time ever.
I don’t feel the internet is inherently more dangerous than meeting someone in a more traditional way, but there IS definitely a danger of getting raped, killed, or otherwise exploited. I would strongly encourage her to have the guy fly to Chicago so she’ll be meeting him on HER turf, and not spend any time alone with him until they’ve had a chance to get truly acquainted in real life. When I meet someone from the internet, I ALWAYS make sure the first meeting is in a public place.
Exactly, the male should be the first to do the traveling (what about gays?). Meet in a public place, with friends around.
Tell her not to share any financial or overly personal information at this point with this person.
Presumably, this is his idea. Regardless, the real question is what other ideas does he have in mind. The answer right now is, there’s no way to know.
It all may be quite honorable and innocent. But it might not, and IF something is amiss, she’ll be in a foreign country with none of her normal resources, little knowledge of how things are done, and possibly a significant problem communicating to people around her. It puts her at a severe disadvantage.
There are ways of accomplishing the goal (meeting him in person) that don’t put her in such a vulnerable position. She would be wise to explore them.
She did think a little about the potential “payments” that might be expected. She said that she’s ok with him expecting sex, since “he’s hot.” Fair enough, but I’m more worried about other stuff that could happen to her. If she never came back, none of us would ever know what happened to her.
I like the question, “Why doesn’t he come to Chicago?” She’s excited to meet this great guy, but I think she’s also excited to get a chance to go to Europe, which she’s never done, and wouldn’t have an opportunity to do otherwise. I know he’s pushing her to expedite a passport, which sounds a bit off to me. Can’t wait 4 - 6 weeks for her to get a passport? Hmmm.
Haven’t at least several couples met here through the SDMB and got married (WeirdDave and Ginger of the North, Airman Doors and Ms Robyn, **Dr Love Gun **and Inkleberry, GeoBabe and Uncle Bill, and a few others)? I’ve met Dopers IRL - one of my best friends I met through the Dope and heck, I have even dated a couple.
I haven’t seen too many people express “heebie-jeebies” about these relationships, so, what’s the difference?
IMHO, here’s the American Dating Etiquette (Guy asks girl out and pays for first date) taken to the extreme. By a French guy.
I don’t know what an offer like this means to a French guy; maybe he’s just madly in love with her, having made a fantasy image of her through e-mail. He runs a bigger chance to be heavily disappointed then she does, and she should be aware of that and start out slowly for both their sakes, if she cares about this guys feelings.
If I was her, (but I’m Dutch) I’d offer to come over on a holiday to Paris and spend time together. I’d reserve my own hotels and bring my own money. If during our stay things got cosy, I’d give up the hotel and stay at Frenchguys place.
If not, I’d have a backup plan, like staying in my own hotel and going places with a local tourist guide organization. Or maybe she can go with a group of friends (or even an organized trip) where she can drop out and back in again if things don’t work out?
I’m probably one of those crazy people - three years ago, I hopped a train from NYC to Ohio to stay with a guy I’d never met before. I had friends who’d met him, but only briefly on a few trips. I knew him through email for seven years before we met, but we’d only been really talking for 2-3 months.
Of course, now we’ve been married a year and a half, and are expecting a baby in August. So it worked out for us - quite well, actually.
In retrospect, I was probably pretty stupid about it. Yeah, my friends ‘knew’ him, but he probably could have been an axe murderer. I’m glad I took the chance, though. If I could do it over again, I’d probably do it a little ‘safer’, however - stay at a hotel instead of at his apartment.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her wanting to go - she should probably just take some precautions. Lots and lots of personal information to leave with friends and/or family, stay in a hotel, make sure to meet up with him in a public place the first time, etc.
I think a large majority of internet meetings have no ill-will intended from either party and no one’s murdered or decapitated or anything of that vein. It’s just a matter of using common sense.
If it was me? I’d hope on the plane. I’d also, as Maastricht suggested, have my own hotel reserved, and make sure I was able to get home on my own ticket if needed. In other works, be able to bail out if I needed to.
But I do the eqivalent for local dates too. Drive to the restaurant on my own, carry the cellphone, have a way to pay for stuff, let people know where I will be, etc.
I hate to be a wet blanket, but this is nearly the story of how I met my wife. Not online, through the mail, as a customer. I was in Canada. We became friends by mail, and several months in, it looked like there was something worth pursuing for both of us. It really was that special. Well, eight months into it, I prepared to fly down from to meet her. Everyone told her she was crazy, that I could be an axe murderer, how they didn’t want me to be in the same house with them. Her father freaked out before I got there.
Let’s just say that everyone’s fears were unfounded, and we will have been married for eight years in May. Sometimes, it may seem crazy, but if it’s right, it’s right. Some guys are sleazeballs and you have no way to tell. But my wife could tell I wasn’t a weirdo. I passed the scrutiny of several regional, national and international police organizations to be allowed to stay here. So, some of us are legit.
Do you trust your friend to have the ability to tell the difference?
Totally. Paris is not that hard to survive in. She should make sure she has the funds available to buy a return ticket, worst case scenario. She should be able to tell if he is cool as soon as she meets him (in the airport). All she has to do is keep her passport and her ATM card safe, and there should be no problems!
Unless there is something you’re not telling us, $600 is way too much to spend for a nefarious motive. You guys are overestimating the disadvantage an American has in France.
His big chance to bed a Glamorous American Slut ™. She should see if she can get a friend to pony up a few bucks and fly there with her. Then the friend can be a fly on the wall and watch out for her. Until the naked part, anyway.
A few thoughts…
It can seem strange to a European that anyone in the modern world might not have a passport already, so the fact that friend needs to get a passport might have thrown the guy.
Paris and France are safer than much of USA, but not perfectly safe.
It wouldn’t seem strange to a European to date someone from another country.
Do you have any friends in France, their are several trusted Dopers in Amsterdam and UK but I don’t know about any in France that might provide a phone contact number for your friend in emergencies. Make sure someone back home has the full details of the person she is meeting so they can be contacted if necessary.
General travel tip, make sure friend has medical insurance for the trip, and photocopies of all important documents (mostly passport and flight details/tickets).
If friend knows no French make sure she brings a phrase book, she may need it even if the guy can translate for her.
Does the guy give indication that he is so ritch the $600 would mean nothing to him?
An asside, French women very rarely give blow jobs, and don’t consider them as casually as American women often do. Take what usage from that nugget of information as you wish.