This mornings Dear Blabby (the one about the girl with the nut allergy) reminded me of something that happened 2 summers ago.
My wife and I were going to have a party and invited our friends. Most of them are like us, in their 50’s with their kids grown. But somehow this woman we hardly knew who was in an association we used to belong to got invited. She called my wife 4 days before the party and asked her if the house was peanut & nut free. My wife told her no. The woman then asked her to clean our house and make it peanut and nut free before the party. My wife told her she had neither the time nor the inclination to do that and hung up. My wife did not tell me about this phone call.
About 3 hours later this woman showed up at our house. I answer the door and she tells me she’s here to help my wife clean our house and make it peanut and nut free.
:eek: WTF are you talking about? Why on Earth would we do that?
My wife came into the front room and sternly tells her that’s not going to happen, and she thought she made that clear during the phone call.
Phone call? What phone call?
This woman became incredulous and tears into us about how her 5 year daughter is severely allergic to peanuts and tree nuts.
So then I tear into this woman. “Lady! This is a party for adults. It doesn’t even start until 7pm. We don’t want kids here. There will be drinking, smoking, R-rated movies on the TV’s, and probably peanuts and nuts to snack on! In fact, I’m going to make sure there are a ton of them here!”
She then storms out of the house bitching that we are the rudest, most inconsiderate hosts she’s ever known. Got in her car and sped away squealing her wheels.
Wife and I stood there looking at each other like deer in headlights. “What the hell was that all about?!” I asked. Then we got into a mild argument over who invited her in the first place.
Never saw her or heard from her again.
She should be happy. We got the biggest nut of them all out of our house!
most of us get a good solid punch in the face (figurative or literal) at some point in our lives, which knocks into us the knowledge that we aren’t the most important, special snowflake ever. Some people don’t receive that punch in the face, and go well into adulthood expecting the entire fucking world to bend to their will.
A friend of mine owns a restaurant. He once got a woman who came into the place and handed him a list of what soups he should make each day of the week, so there always be a soup there that she wasn’t allergic to.
I invite everyone to post. My OP was more about goofy people more than the nut allergy thing.
I was working at the Summerfest grounds one year and this guy starts complaining to me that the police should not be carrying guns there because if they had to shoot someone they could miss and hit innocent bystanders. I wrote him off as just being pixelated until about a month later when I found out he circulated a petition down there and attached it to the complaint he filed about the police officers and deputies refusing to take their guns off at his request.
This reminds me of something I saw on the news a few years ago during the Occupy demonstrations. There was an encampment in downtown Oakland, and the city was trying to get them to leave. They sent some police officers into the encampment, and one of the protesters said to the cops, “Excuse me. We don’t allow guns here.”
Here’s another one that happened to me. I was at a butcher shop and had taken a number to be waited on. I don’t remember the number, but let’s say it was 47. When my number was called, another customer called out a much lower number (like 19). I stepped forward to get service, and he called out his number again, this time in an angry tone. Now, if his number had been a little lower than mine, I’d have happily let him go ahead of me, but his number was so much lower that I thought it was odd. I asked him where he was when his number was called. He said he was shopping somewhere else. I told him he had missed his turn. He said, “You don’t expect me to waste my time waiting around here, do you?” I said, “If you’re not here when they call your number then you lose your turn.”
Once when I was in a cheese shop I saw a customer giving an employee a hard time for giving her samples of two different cheeses on one piece of paper.
I don’t know how many of you have been on a cruise, but I’m sure you can all imagine that the buffet is varied and well-stocked. Yet one morning on a recent cruise, my mother encountered a woman complaining that there weren’t enough choices!
Talk about your first-world problems!! I will admit that I’ve had times where I’ve been unable to find anything at a buffet that appealed to me, but it certainly wasn’t for lack of variety - more like I didn’t know what I wanted, and obviously neither did the cooks!
Many years ago I was in charge of a limo service office and a woman came in complaining about drivers washing their cars in the street. It appeared she lived about 50 meters away and was concerned about the water running past her house in the gutter.
I asked her what was the problem with the water, and she said,“it weakens the foundations”. I said,“what about when it rains?” She had no answer to that.
I went to a juggling convention in Munich a few years back- it turns out that Munich is a lot stricter than a lot of Germany, and a lot of attendees were from regions or countries where marijuana is either legal or seen as no big deal by the authorities.
This resulted in some dumb hippy trying to get me to sign a petition complaining to the organisers (who, it has to be said, hadn’t done the best job, especially in communicating with the venue).
Their chief complaint? The organisers should not have allowed local police on site, as their boyfriend had been arrested for possession.
We used to be friends with a couple. They had a 10 year old daughter. The wife believed her daughter would die if she inhaled one peanut molecule.
I remember the first time they came over to our house. Before she came over, she called the local emergency response team to alert them that they will be in the area, and to “be ready” in case their daughter was exposed to peanuts. (I am not making this up.) When they arrived to our home she spent half an hour tearing through our refrigerator and cabinets looking for any food products that might contain peanuts. She finally found something in the refrigerator with a label that said, “This product may contain peanut residue.” She then made a big show of putting this item in the back of a top cupboard.
We later decided to order some pizzas for delivery. It was then we learned the wife was “allergic to tomatoes,” and she requested one of the pizzas to have sour cream in place of tomato sauce. Over the phone, she instructed the restaurant employee on how to wash their spoons and ladles to prevent her pizza from becoming contaminated with tomato paste.
After the pizzas arrived, she took a couple bites of her special sour cream pizza, and then abruptly stopped eating it. I asked her why. She said saw someone eat a slice of regular (tomato) pizza, and then eat a piece of the sour cream pizza, thereby contaminating her pizza.
As we got to know this couple better, we concluded the wife was very… strange. She seemed to thrive on attention. We later concluded she was batshit insane, and the peanut and tomato thing was nothing more than a way for her to gain attention.
This one happened a week ago but it’s still bugging me:
Went to a popular pizza place last week to get a couple to go. This is one of those places that makes individual pizzas which are thrown in a brick oven for 90 seconds in an assembly line type fashion. So if there’s 10 people ahead of you you’re looking at a minimum wait of 15 minutes.
So I park and walk toward the door and can see inside there’s aproximately 15 people in line. Before I get to the door a car pulls up to the door, door swings open, 3 kids under 10 jump out and a lady in the car yells at them “go!go!go!” and they bolt through the door and get in line ahead of me. Great.
I get in line and after about 4 more people get behind me “Bitchface” wanders in, pushes past all of us to get to her demon spawn, takes their place in line, and then tells them to go get a table.
Another minute passes, the line gets longer, then “Bob” comes in.
“Bob! Bob!” she waves directing him to come over to her. Bob looks uncomfortable since he’d have to skip several of us to get by her but “Bitchface” make such a scene that he complies.
Oh yeah,this queue line is formed between a wall and foot wide half wall. On the other side of the half wall are tables pushed up against it with people eating like ‘right there’. Bitchface takes her youngest demonspawn, who happens to be barefoot, and sets her up on this halfwall. We now have a 4 year-old with dirty bare feet crawling back and forth on this wall with her feet inches from people’s faces who are trying to eat. People were making disgusted looking faces and staring down Bichface but of course she was oblivious to it all with her face buried deep into her cellphone.
Needless to say, Bitchface ended up ordering 7 pizzas for her brood while Bob ended up ordering 6 adding over 20 minutes to my wait.
Thanks a fucking lot.
Hampshire, I hate her already. I’m surprised you didn’t go to the fridge, grab a bottle of soda, hand a five to the kid making the pizzas (“this will cover it”) and walk out.
While you’re walking out you bang that plastic bottle against the side of the door & open it next to her car, giving it a nice Coke shower.
"Sorry, lady… I have trouble concentrating when I’m hungry …and when people f-cking cut in front of me in line…
You wouldn’t ever be able to go back there though, so no more Stank-Foot pizza for you.
This is why the owner let her get away with it: she was 1/3 of his business all lunch hour.
Crafter_Man, that sounds a lot like a woman I used to work with. Already particular about her food and then she found out she had a gluten allergy. She would make waitresses jump through all kinds of hoops to make sure her food was just so, then would add “but I don’t want to be a bother.” I eventually figured out she was like Cam on “Modern Family” - a drama queen who will make her own drama if there isn’t enough already.
See, these loons make it tough for people with real allergies who are just trying to have a snack with friends without getting really sick.
If you’re that fucking allergic, either stay home, or don’t eat anything, or call the hosts and let them know of your allergy, say you don’t want to cause them any extra work, and that you look forward to the party. Then ask if they mind if you bring your own food. Most hosts will a) make sure you have a few items they *know *are allergen-free, or b) say no probs to you bringing food, and express concern.
But don’t be fucking crazy.
Source:
GrumpyBunny
who has a real, anaphylaxis-level tree nut allergy and carries an epi-pen and liquid benadryl in her handbag juuuust in case I screw up
(I eat a lot of raw fruit/veggies at some parties…)
Many moons ago, I used to work in a print shop for a heavy equipment dealer. My boss was an old southern gentleman named Cecil. Occasionally, he’d get visits from colleagues who were old-school southern businessmen, who generally weren’t comfortable with the idea of treating women and minorities as equals.
One colleague was a salesman named Roy, who spoke with a genteel accent, like southern aristocrats are wont to do. R sounds aren’t pronounced, and long I sounds are pronounced “Ah.” In between tasks, I heard Roy and Cecil talking about high-dollar golf courses where the rich and influential go to hobnob. Then Roy says in a very serious voice:
“Ah heard they was gonna start lettin’ Jews in theyuh.”
I started laughing like a madman. They looked back at me like I was crazy. It was like he was announcing the extinction of everything south of the Mason-Dixon line, because some exclusive golf club was going to pollute its southern white purity with non-Christians.
What is it about nuts that makes some people so allergic to them? Like, most of us are allergic to pollen, and many people get itchy around cats and dogs, but those aren’t lethal. Do nuts have some special chemical in them that particularly affects human cells or something? You never hear about people allergic to cabbage for instance
