I’m extremely partial to “Six of one, half dozen of the other” if for no other reason than it drives my sister insane.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
The cobbler should stick to his last.
You can’t fight City Hall.
If you want to dance, you have to pay the piper.
“Bow your head when passing, and you will harvest many bananas.”
I came across this bit of folk wisdom once in a book of African aphorisms; I think it’s from Ghana. It amuses the hell out of me, even though I think I now understand its meaning (“Being respectful pays off.”) Originally I thought it had something to do with the arcaneries of banana-farming.
Daniel
If you can’t tell borscht from potato soup, then a lot of little children are working in the mines.
- courtesy of Baretta.
Sorry never saved the admiral’s cat.
-and-
I don’t chew my cabbage twice.
- thank you Felix Unger
Sincerity is the most important attribute. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
- George Burns (I think)
Fools names and fools faces, often appear in public places.
-my dad
Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
-my wife’s granddad
“I see,” said the blind man to his deaf wife as he picked up his hammer and saw.
You can’t know the mind of a squid. (Used to answer someone who asks why people do the things they do.)
It’s as broad as it is long.
My sister used one yesterday that my dad used to use: “I’ll paddle your canoe!” (For the longest time, I thought “canoe” meant one’s backside. FWIW, I can only remember having my “canoe paddled” once. I learned very quickly that dad was poor at arithmatic and could only count to three.)
If you lie down with dogs you’re gonna get fleas.
If you wrestle a pig, even if you win, you’ll end up with shit on you.
Don’t piss on my head and tell me its raining.
If you want to run with the big dogs you can’t piss with the pups.
Wherever you go, there you are.
One more.
A friend of mine said this the other day in reference to someone who was in a good situation…
He’s shittin’ in tall cotton.
If you can’t run with the big dogs, then keep your puppy ass on the porch.
Drive it like you stole it.
I ain’t the smartest bear in the woods, but if you keep hittin’ me in the face with a 2x4, sooner or later I’m gonna learn to duck.
My Krav Maga instructor (usually right before he beats the crap out of me for being too flashy) is a big fan of “Only birds and idiots fight in the air.” He also digs “Assumption is a fuckup.” He’s right, too. Not very eloquent, but he’s right.
Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
The more you stir shit the worse it will stink.
From my sainted mother: You never know what’s around the corner.
It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission
Money makes a good person better and a bad person worse. (learned that from a NYC cab driver)
Trust, but verify.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gives it to.
Shit happens.
Trust in god, but tie your camel.
The full stomach preaches about fasting.
Never say “impossible” to a nerd.
There is no personal problem that can’t be solved with a suitable application of high explosive.
He went to shit and the hogs et him. (Used to refer to someone missing.)
You know how some people say “It’s raining cats and dogs”? My uncle says, “It’s raining harder than a double-cunted cow pissing on a flat rock.”
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time… and it annoys the pig.