Inspired by my own performance over the past few weekends of injuring myself in dumb or forgetful ways, what is your latest accomplishment in self-inflicted suffering?
Me first I guess:
Two weeks ago one of the cats brought a live and very angry rat into the house and let it go. In the confusion that followed the rat was bouncing around the room, the boys were going nuts and the cat was helping out by occasionally catching and re-releasing the rat.
My 8 year old son said he though he could catch it :eek: The next time it was cornered I grabbed it with my left hand and it quickly sank it’s teeth into my left middle finger, just over the third knuckle! I then grabbed it with my right hand, when it let go of my left hand and promptly bit the tip of my right thumb. The event ended with a trip to the local walk-in clinic to get the wounds properly cleaned, a tetanus booster and a short course of antibiotics.
Last Sunday I took one of the garden hoses off its holder to remove a few tangles and about a minute later bent over, smacked my head into the steel holder, putting two small cuts in my scalp. The same afternoon I was putting a cover back onto some outdoor furniture when I tripped over a large tree stump, giving myself a huge bruise on my leg and several scrapes and splinters.
In October I missed a very small stair step and twisted my ankle badly. I swelled up past softball size almost instantly and took about 2 months before it was relatively normal again. I was pretty sure it wasn’t broken because I had full range of motion.
In February I again missed a small step and twisted it again.
I was in the shower and grabbed for something in an awkward way. My finger slipped and met with my thumb, gouging my thumb with my fingernail. I got blood on my towel and then on my gym bag, and the cut, dry skin kept getting caught on things. It has finally healed after 5 days.
Luckily I think my latest one is a year and half ago (plus or minus). Rolled my ankle on a piece of lettuce and tore some cartilage in my shoulder. Required surgery.
For something so stupid, I’ll probably never be back at 100%, at least not any time soon.
The same thing happened to me in 2007 with my foot. I didn’t go to the hospital and it eventually went back to normal about two months later. Everything was good until 2013 when I could no longer run because it felt like I was wearing a concrete boot. It was then I noticed a knot on the top of my foot.
Turns out I broke a couple bones in my foot and they healed on their own but did not set correctly. I had foot surgery to shave off the bone spur so I could run again.
The real winners of this thread are the ones who aren’t around any more to tell us about it. But you might see some of their stories over at Darwin Awards.
Lying on the couch, with my laptop open and the bottom edge resting on my stomach. I somehow lost hold of it, and it flopped forward. The top edge hit the bridge of my nose, leaving a small bleeding gash.
In a hotel in a little town in Thailand last month, I went to take a shower. The shower was separated from the bathroom by a wall, that went almost, not quite, to the ceiling. No towel bar or hook, so I put the bath towel over the edge of the wall, and in the process stuck my fingers right into the blades of the ceiling fan. Plastic blades, so not too bad, and inch long gash in one finger and a nick in another one, which bled profusely for a minute or two, until I squeezed it shut. No telling what kind of grunge there is on a fan blade in Thailand, so I dipped my fingers in a glass of Pepsi, which is known to be toxic to any organism on this planet and probably most others. Made a little bandage out of toilet paper and duct tape, the handyman’s best friend, which I always travel with. Within a day, it no longer bothered me, and in a week, was completely healed over. Pepsi and duct tape – tragedy averted.
I was mountain biking last week and decided to try tackling a “drop off” that I hadn’t done before. I got more air time than expected and hadn’t planned my landing very carefully. The air time didn’t allow me enough ground time to avoid a tree. So I collided head on into the tree. I managed to send my body to the side but my braking finger took a hit somehow and now has all the signs of being broken. Yay.
I have a 12 hour enduro event coming up in two weeks and this injury isn’t helping my preparation at all.
A little over a week ago, I was sitting on a short stool with our little, itty-bitty Pomeranian on my lap. I started to pick her up, from my LAP - amd something in the old back went ZING!
I was playing with one of my dogs, pulling on a tuggie toy, when he snapped his head to one side and caught my pinkie finger in the toy, breaking it in two places. He was completely unsympathetic and wondered why his vexing human had suddenly stopped playing.
Is the official Darwin Awards site even alive any more? I just took a look there, and can’t find anything at all from 2015 or 2016. Latest stories seem to be from 2014.
A few weekends ago, we went to a place I’d read about for their breakfast buffet. The owner/manager/guy at the podium pointed at several empty tables and said “Sit wherever you want.” So rather than squeeze thru occupied tables, I headed for the empty aisle to my left.
I didn’t see the platform in front of the bar. I tripped, sending my purse flying along the platform while I was launched over the corner, landing on my left knee, then my right side. Fortunately, I didn’t hit my head, but I know I scared the crap out of my husband, the manager guy, and pretty much everyone else in the restaurant.
I lay there for about a minute, catching my breath and trying to assess the damage before I moved. When I was ready, there were far too many hands reaching down, and I got someone to push a chair closer so I could use it to steady myself as I stood.
Bottom line, nothing broken or dislocated, no blood, no major damage. My husband joked about a lawsuit (quietly to me - no need to scare the staff!) It took about 3 weeks for the pain to mostly subside - it just felt like a deep bruise. I was able to walk just fine, but pressing around my knee hurt like crazy until just recently.
I blame my mother for not letting me have ballet lessons as a kid! At least then, it could have been a graceful tumble!
Out cycling, just pottering along to the pub (none of all that lycra bollocks for me), hit a pothole and didn’t lift my arse up high enough, resulting in a bruised coxsis.
This happened a while ago, but it deserves a mention.
I was cleaning up after an outdoor kid’s birthday party. I was removing balloons we had thumbtacked to the wooden deck. As I pulled on one balloon, the thumbtack was a bit stubborn, but then came loose from the deck and fully implanted itself into the very center of my thumb nail.
