Confucius say: Masturbate often; come in handy.
Confucius say: Man who goes to bed horny wakes up with problem in hand.
cochrane:
Reminds me of this:
A guy goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, youve got to help me. My penis is orange.” Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guys penis isnt orange. Doc tells the guy, “This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a persons life.”
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, “How are things going at work?” The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, “No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, Im getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy.” So the doc figures this isnt the reason.
He asks the guy, “Hows your home life?” The guy says, “Well, I got divorced about eight months ago.” The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, “No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch.” So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.
He inquires, “Do you have any hobbies or a social life?” The guy replies, “No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos.”
I was in my doctor’s office the other day and he told me that I needed to stop masturbating. Dumbfounded, I asked why he would recommend that. He replied “Because I’m trying to examine you.”