So, c’mon, what’s your problem? Give me a topic, any topic, and I’ll rant about it. Or you can just cut out the middle-man and post your own rants. I’ll get the ball rolling.
Bob Dole: The reason we didn’t elect you was so we wouldn’t have to see your creepy face on TV every day. And we sure as hell don’t wanna know how you de-wrinkle your nether regions. Your fifteen minutes of fame has seemed like a fucking eternity for the rest of us. Why don’t you crawl back into your cave and join the rest of the fossils?
That’s just something to get us started. Anything you’d like me to add? Or anything you’d like to add yourself? Go for it!
Why do people still rant about bygone politicians?
There are comedians on Conan “taking on” Nixon, just so they can use their one impersonation.
And Conan himself did a “Carter has big teeth, isn’t that a hoot” joke.
J. Edgar Hoover is still fodder for a non-laugh.
Even though Castro is still in power, his potential as an actual punch line died with Kennedy.
David Letterman- One hour of stupid pet tricks every night from this trained monkey and I start to wonder long for the commercial breaks. Geek, thy name is David.
Jay Leno: Here’s a headline for you: “Talk show host dies in brutal murdir.” Hey look, they spelled “murder” wrong!
Conan O’brian: Yes, you’re irish. Yes, you’re pathetic. Yes, you have a small penis. We remember. We also remembered the first thirty time you told us.
Roaches: The ones that snuck onto the ark. If these little fuckers are a part of God’s plan, then I sure as hell wish he’d change his mind. Nothing says “welcome home” like a hundred roaches scattering when you hit the light switch. The way they run for cover, you know they’re up to somethin’.
Teddy bears. Every time I close my eyes, these waves of teddy bears come over the top, screaming in little shrill voices and shooting everything that moves with their BARs. They don’t hold up too well in hand to hand combat, one good kick will knock the stuffing out of them. But there are endless waves of them and every night it ends the same way, with them dragging my well trussed carcass back to the cooking pot. I get a lot done at night though…
Alrighty then Freakyboy…the topic is You. So, since this is the pit, you got the gonads to Rant about yourself in a negative manner?
As for my rant, hey idiots in the goverment, take a look a fucking history someday. All that high taxes have ever done, is concentrate wealth, ruin whatever government is requiring such taxes, and hurt the people they were supposed to help.
Ok, you thought I wouldn’t do it, didn’t ya? You thought I couldn’t do it, didn’t ya! Well Narile, I except your challenge.
::stepping into third-person::
What the fuck is wrong with you FelchFreely? These aren’t rants. Shit, they’re not even about anything! I mean, I read the “You’re Wrong!” thread, expecting you to rant about something of some consequence. Lesse, what did you talk about? Oh yeah, SUVs, PETA, DARE, the republican party and the Cristian Coalition. Who the fuck cares? Don’t you have the balls to talk about something that actually affects people? This is kindergarten level commentary. Why don’t you take it to Mad TV? I’m sure they’d love it there. Personally, I think I’ve wasted enough time on you.
Not to go on a Road rage twist or anything but I am just about fed up with the complete and total lack of any consideration for your fellow man the second some one gets behind the wheel of a car. Are you getting where you are going any faster by riding that on-ramp all the damn way to the solid line before forcing your way into traffic? Some days I fantasize that entry to the afterlife (what-ever it’s form) is controlled by majority vote. How many votes do you think the average Beltway driving asshole would get?
Damned to an eternity in Purgatory for your driving sins… Sounds good to me!
I’ll second that. I’m so goddamned tired of assholes not paying attention behind the wheel and acting like it’s my fault. And don’t even get me started (again) about driving with cell phones.
Cell phones, hell. The worst drivers on Earth are old men in hats. Old men are bad, but put a hat on them - especially a pseudo-fedora or one of those Payne Stewart cheapo golf jobs - and it’s as if their steering column and accelerator were possessed by the Evil Bad Driving Demon. Holy Christ, I swear to God an old man in a hat gets into a colossal wreck every week around here. I can’t even begin to recall the number of times I’ve seen them run stop signs, turn into the wrong lane, straddle lanes, fail to signal, or just plain not watch where they’re going. Is there something about being a decrepit old fossil that kills peripheral vision?
And as to the guy who insulted David Letterman; That goes twice for Paul Shaffer. Is he even trying anymore? He just mails it in night after night.
My fucking problem, as of right fucking now, is assholes who say one thing the entire fucking year and then disappear to asswipe, idaho and don’t do a fucking thing.
I am talking about my academic team. Currently, three of our eight members are AWOL. we have a tourny coming up for which the questions are maybe half done. the tourny is the 15th.
::Squick squick::
Why the fuck did God have to stick me with such fuckheads for teammates?