Get divorced.
Thanks to all. Yes, I am a woman. I appreciate all your suggestions.
The most recent event was a meeting with my child’s school, where he pointed out in a critical mode how I handle things with my child. Whether a fault of mine or not, these things come up repeatedly and I’m tired of it.
A good suggestion came up with discussions with some friends. After the criticism occurs, turn to him and say “I’m sorry you’re unhappy. If you are that unhappy with the way I handle things maybe you should handle it next time.”
However, I do believe if I stood up during that meeting and walked out of the room it would have made quite a statement. And I love the taser idea!
In the past, I have acknowledged responsibility as an area for improvement (which focuses all the attention and responsibility of parenting to me), I have responded with like criticism (trying to get him to acknowledge responsibility as well, and isn’t very dignified), and finally, this last time, I asked if that comment was really necessary. As I said, it will happen again and I just need good ways to respond so I can deflect his criticism in a dignified manner.
And yes, he is unhappy. And yes, keeping lines of communication open is very important, but not always easy. And, yes, sometimes I am overly sensitive.
But I still have one question, Where can I buy a taser?
He criticized how you are raising your child?
In front of other people?
You know, my mom has a way of looking at people without saying a word …
she would slowly turn only her head to fully face the person, keep her lips absolutely straight, then lift her eyebrows just the slightest litle bit … it could cow a priest.
I think Betty Davis did in the forties; and Barbara Stanwyck, when she was older; and what’s-her-name, Mommie Dearest.
You must know the look, ‘We are not amused.’
Use it in public; and if he says, ‘What are you looking at me like that for?’, and he will, inform him, ‘We will discuss it later.’
IMHO, criticizing someone in public is extremely disrespectful, passive-aggressive and unhealthy. Anyone who does it knows full well that they’re putting the other person in an uncomfortable, usually no-win situation.
I agree with the other dopers’ recommendations to discuss this in private, in a non-confrontational way, with an emphasis on how you feel when he says things like that to you.
Does he need to somehow make himself look “better” by making you look bad? Does he do this to anyone else - friends, family, your child(ren)?
Sorry, this strikes a real chord with me, as my father is HORRIBLE for doing this to everyone in his life … his own insecurity leads him to put other people down whenever he can.
Good luck … I hope you’re able to get through to him and he will work to change his behaviour.