I’m a pretty outgoing guy - you know, “mr. personality,” “life of the party,” etc. I’ve recently become friends with a guy whose chimp-on-meth disposition makes me feel like a wallflower by comparison. I like hanging with this guy a lot, socially, but he’s so outgoing and always-on that it actually makes me withdraw and become almost introverted when we’re together in group situations. I find this confusing and curious, as I’m used to being the center of attention and used to being the outgoing guy. I half-resent it!
I think it’s because I refuse to compete; I’d feel like King Ass if there were TWO guys going bonkers and being outgoing and on at the same time, and I’m unwilling to try to somehow TOP his disposition. So I go completely in the opposite direction and become extremely quiet and deadpan.
I’m not particularly outgoing, but I’m not shy, either, so I find that I am usually pretty much the same regardless of the people around me (I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say, and speak up when I do). Sorry, that’s probably not much help.
When I run into people more out going then me I have one of two reactions I either team up with them and we turn into an obnoxious comedy team (last time this happened we* kept trying to talk random people into three ways with each other) or I defer to the other person. I have no urge to compete for the life of the party and it normally depends on whether their outgoingness is fun or annoying to me.
*I’d never met the guy before but have run into him since
In terms of extravert and introvert, I was extraverted as a child and grew introverted as a teenager. Both was quite natural, not forced upon me or the immediate result of outer conflicts; but looking back now as a guy heading forty, I can clearly see that I grow extraverted (outgoing) among people who are more one the introverted (reserved) side, and stay introverted or a bit reserved when with more extraverted guys. This doesn’t bother me at all, it’s not acting this or that, its just natural to me, it seems, and on the contrary I enjoy being able to manifest both personalities from time to time.
Depends a lot on how I feel that particular day. Sometimes I’ll be on, more often, I’ll withdraw a bit.
My particular experience is that the people like this I run into tend to blow right over myself and everyone else. I HATE HATE HATE getting halfway through a sentence and having them talk over the top of me about something else. That isn’t fun for anyone but the “Chimp on Meth” and perhaps the people who just want to enjoy the antics.
For some reason, I’m always the opposite of what other people around me are – when I’m around talkative people, I’m quiet, and vice versa; when I’m around cheerful people I’m more serious; etc. I don’t do it deliberately, and although I used to make an effort to combat my nature and match the energy of those around me, now I just think of myself as the social ballast.
I’ve been thinking about this lately. In school, I always thought I was outgoing verging on obnoxious (and so did other people). And I never thought of myself as a follower. But now that I’m what some may consider an adult, and I don’t hang around with any of the people from school, I find that I’m extremely shy and unwilling to initiate relationships let alone conversations with people. I’m comfortable around people I know, but no longer outgoing.
I guess that’s the long way of saying that I amp up. I’m toned down now only because I’m rarely around crazy folks. I get really goofy around my sister, and there’s an intern at work who’s very social and I’ve noticed I’m much more talkative at work because she’s there. But left entirely to my own devices I’d probably only talk to my family.
It’s weird, but it depends on whether or not I’m attracted to said person. If it’s a woman, or a man I’m not interested in, it can be disarming and obnoxious to borrow Chum’s term. I don’t feel like there’s any point to talking to a lot of them, because they’re hardly listening.
On the other hand, I’m invariably attracted to guys much more out-going than I am. I’ll talk a lot more to an extroverted guy than a fellow introvert, probably because I don’t feel any pressure to carry the weight of the conversation.
Most people are more outgoing than I am, so I don’t know.
But I can say that one of my cousins is so into being in a large crowd of people all the time that just going through her photo album, seeing picture after picture of her and a dozen to twenty people doing things together, was exhausting.
It depends on the person. If I like them I’ll generally ramp up a bit, not to compete but more to join in the fun. If I don’t like them or am indifferent I’ll withdraw, I often find I don’t have the energy to continue being attentive to someone’s stories or whatever. I also tend to ramp up my outgoingness if I’m with someone who’s not so outgoing. Generally speaking though, I’m quite shy.
Around outgoing people, my reaction depends on the person. If they are being positive toward me, it will amp me up a bit. My best friend almost always makes me behave in a more extroverted way. My extroverted Aunt has the same effect. People I know well really get to see a different side of me.
If I am with a random person who is sort of exploding all over the place socially, I will probably withdraw. It’s not a negative thing. I like to listen to and observe people. I am having just as much fun watching. I’'m just not as comfortable being outgoing around people I don’t know that well.
I’m not shy but pretty introverted. When I am around extraverted people then I become more so myself up to a point. If someone is really out there then I withdraw.
An example. A couple of months ago I went to Las Vegas with some other guys. I was content to hang out at the pool and the casino’s but they wanted to go do other stuff so I went along with them and I had fun. One night though as we were really drunk and playing cards in the hotel room a couple of guys were being obnoxious and loud and then decided they needed to go hit the strip and go wild. So everyone but me and one other guy went. We just went down to the casino and played some cards for a bit.
For some off reason, I usually take on the opposite role - if someone is incredibly outgoing, I’ll feel more introverted and conservative, and the more quiet/timid the person, the more I come out of my shell and make jokes. My husband is the quiet one who talks to people easily. I’m the opposite. I feel like my “true” self only when I am around my husband.
I know that I’m most uncomfortable when someone with a shining personality is around and attracting all of the attention. I’ll tend to get down on myself and clam up tight. What an embarrasing thing to admit…
