Barney’s that wimpy round-headed purple dinosaur with no teeth who giggles like a pedophile, and teaches my daughter… whatever it is that he supposedly teaches.
There’s this used toy store in town, and my wife scours it about once a week looking for kids videos. She picks them up for like a buck apiece.
Well, she picked up an old Barney video.
Let me tell you: Regardless of how he’s gone to seed recently, Barney was quite the badass in his early days.
For one, he was bigger, more muscled, a lot more mass, and a great big tale. Back then he wasn’t overtly purple, more of a blue-grey really. His head was larger and much more angular and reptilian (a little imposing actually.) Barney had a set of teeth on him, too. Instead of the pedophile giggly voice, Barney’s voice was deeper, richer and slower.
He looked a lot scarier than some of the muppets in Return of the Jedi, and come to think of it, he kinda laughed like Jabba the Hut.
I put on the video, we hear the “I love you, you love me…” song, and my daughter goes “Barney!” When this badass looking Tyrannosaur materializes in front of some kids I was reminded of a Godzilla movie. Will Barney eat the kids? or, will he just play? maybe he’ll play now and eat them later.
Anyway, my daughter was kind of shocked and upset by this unevolved primitive Barney, so I guess we won’t be watching this tape again.
