I just had the misfortune of watching the Pizza Hut commercial for the new Cheesy Bites Pizza. Apparently it’s not enough to have pizza and breadsticks and mozzarella sticks in the world-- they must be combined into one bizarre-looking monstrosity. How bizarre-looking and wrong is that? It doesn’t even look appetizing. If you have an entire round crust covered with cheese, why do you also need those nodules hanging of the side like cheese-filled,oozing pustules? Ewww.
I thought stuffed crust pizzas and double layers were bad, but this is just silly. Why is this necessary? Pizza was one of the simplest, most elegant of comfort foods, replete with any number of delicious toppings to suit any palate. Now it’s become some locus of marketing weirdness and it’s gone off the rails completely.
I’ll stick with tomatoes and cheese on a nice flat crust, and thanks for listening to my lame rant du jour.
So I guess you don’t want to come over tonight for some Papa John’s Hawaiian Barbecue Chicken Pizza, which is my favorite right now?
(The cheesy nodules pizza just sounds nasty. And fattening.)
Theoretically, I have no problem with wild and wacky toppings. They don’t stray very far from what I like to call the Pizza Mission Statement-- to deliver cheese and tomatoes, along with whatever else you fancy, into your mouth. In practice, no, I wouldn’t share your pizza because I don’t eat meat, but you’re certainly welcome to enjoy what sounds like a perfectly nice pizza.
The twisty cheesy crust pizza, which isn’t even the one in question here, has 470 calories per slice, and 160 of those are from fat. That’s enough fat for 2 days USRDA, right? Might as well just staple those cheesy nodules right onto your ass and cut out the middle man, eh?
My mind boggles at the amount of effort that went into that commercial.
Somebody sat around deciding what song they wanted to have in the commercial. What did they decide on? Why, “These Boots Were Made for Walking,” of course. The obvious choice, is it not?
THEN somebody wrote new lyrics. “One of these days these bites are gonna pop right into you.”
Then that person read the lyrics with a critical eye. “One of these days these bites are gonna pop right into you.” Yup, that person thought, that’s a jingle that will sell cheese pustules!
Then that person had those lyrics approved by a boss or some other higher agency. “One of these days these bites are gonna pop right into you.” Sounds great, kiddo! Go to production!
Read that again, folks:
“One of these days these bites are gonna pop right into you.”
Then they found a singer to perform those lyrics in a very enthusiastic manner.
The singer sings “One of these days these bites are gonna pop right into you.” She really puts her heart into it.
And at no point did anyone in this process say “‘ONE OF THESE DAYS THESE BITES ARE GONNA POP RIGHT INTO YOU’!?! What the hell! What were you thinking??? That lyric . . . it . . . it goes beyond stupid. It hurdles over the border into the transcendently inane, leaving one with disquieting, queasy feeling in the pit of one’s stomach. ‘POP RIGHT INTO YOU’?!? What the hell is that even supposed to even mean in this context? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? Did anybody THINK???”
All I can figure is that the advertisers are no longer expecting people to listen or pay any conscious attention to their work. They just think we’re all stupid . . . or perhaps it’s all more sinister, and their goal is to craft audio-visual pap that slithers right past conscious thought and wends its way directly to our greedy little hindbrains without passing at any point through the cerebral cortex. Perhaps I was not meant at any time to hear or process the sentence “One of these days these bites are gonna pop right into you.” Its coming to my attention was just a glitch in the program, a one-in-a-million fluke. The other viewer/consumers have safely absorbed the propoer message: “Pizza. Hut. Cheezy. Oozy. Pizza. Hut. Carbs. Saturated Fats. Go. Pizza. Hut. Call. Pizza. Hut.” without every being troubled by what it means to have a “bite” “pop right into you.”
BAH!!
pizzabrat speaks words of wisdom. I don’t know why I watch live TV anymore. It’s damaging to the intellect.
I can not stand Pizzia Hut anymore. The new packaging doesn’t make it taste good guys.
It’s a disguseting mess. No crust rim means sauce all over your fingers the whole meal. Do you get a wash basin for every person, because a finger bowl wouldn’t help with the mess. I sure don’t want to sit and watch people suck off their fingers the whole meal either. The other tables, since I wouldn’t eat dinner with a person that bad mannored
The most heinous irony is that Jessica Simpson desperately needs some fat and carbs popped right into her, and she’s the spokesmodel for this inane and vile produuct. Why can’t they get someone who looks like she eats solid food to do an ad for something this fattening and calorie-laden?
She was pretty voluptuous and healthy looking until she ate a slice of the Cheezy Nodule Deluxe. Then all that grease and fat gave her the shits for 3 days, and the photo is of her after the diarrhea subsided, 20 lbs later.
I think I can safely say that her breasts are probably not the result of accumulation of natural body fat but are, in fact, cheesy nodules, added to her pizza pie after baking.
Maybe it’s just me but I think she looks perfectly fit and healthy. How appetizing would this pizza (or any food) be if Roseanne Barr was the spokesmodel?
Yeah, it is just you. She’s way too thin. If that’s what you think the normal female body looks like, well, then you’re Pizza Hut’s target market, I think.
At least Roseanne Barr would be truth in advertising.
All I can picture in mind are super extra sized fat people during that commercial. People eating a meal like that regularly, can not remain at a reasonable weight.
My favorite pizzia place within 20 miles is Green Mills in the Dells. The original was in Minniapolis and won awards like best in state. Please excuse the spelling, I can’t do better today.
sells them so clearly they must be healthy! Look at her! She’s the epitome of good health and sexiness.