So I suspect that by boyfriend either: has a very low sex drive, has no sex drive, has a HUGE sex drive and uses porn to fulfill it, or just is addicted to porn. He will NOT initiate sex with me most of the time. I know he watches porn, and has for years. If I didn’t initiate it every three or four days, we would have no sex life (IMHO). What are your thoughts?
Sounds like it’s time to get a new boyfriend.
From the description I can’t tell if he’s “addicted” to porn or simply no longer interested in you.
Like pretty much every other man and plenty of women (although women tend to prefer the written stuff, and often like to label it “erotica” and pretend it’s not porn). If he didn’t watch porn I’d suspect him of being asexual.
How long have you two been together? How is the relationship besides the porn? How old is he?
It’s possible that he’s checked out of the relationship, or it could be that he’s simply a once a week guy, so your drive is outpacing him and his batteries are never fully recharged before you’re initiating again.
No matter what the cause is, you’re clearly dissatisfied with the current situation so it’s time to have a heart to heart. If his porn/masturbation is getting in the way of your sex life, that’s a problem. If he is unable/unwilling to put down the porn even in the face of consequences, i.e. ruining his relationship, well, that sounds like the very definition of addiction.
Giraffe- He’s 41. We’ve been together 2 1/2 yrs. The porn was an issue in the beginning of our relationship (about three months in). Actually, it wasn’t so much the porn, as he was hiding the habit AND lying about it. AND 3 months into the relationship, the sex dwindled down (we once went two weeks without it, which is a long time for me). I don’t think he’s asexual. He used to be really bad about gazing at other women (denied it), and younger women, at that. Then I found material on his iPhone indicating he enjoys watching younger (18+) girls on YouTube for example.
From the description, my guess is that his sexual needs aren’t being fulfilled by you*, and he’s decided not to try anymore. If you’re committed to the relationship, maybe you could try watching porn with him. Have him pick out something he likes and you’ll get a good idea of what his sexual preference is. I’m willing to bet that it’s something you’re unwilling/unable to do*.
*Note: Chances are, this isn’t your fault. If he watches porn all the time, you might be perfectly adequate but his tastes have become too extreme.
I think if you find yourself starting multiple threads on the subject on a message board all on the same day, it’s time to seek help.
Physically, how do you compare to the women in the porn he watches?
Reported