It really annoys me how men think women should just accept porn use even though many have a problem with it. Yes porn is easy to get hold of too easy infact and so it is everywhere. Just because it’s there is the reason many guys will use it without consideration of how it may affect their SO.
I wonder if we put the shoe on the other foot how guys would feel. You see porn is aimed at men and usually focused mainly on the woman in the film and so it does not appeal to women in the same way it would a man. Imagine this though, imagine there were no porn for men, shock horror, imagine that the only porn available was aimed soley at women. On cable you had the ‘for women only channel’ and the ‘all boy channel’ and all internet porn was of hot young hunks with perfect bodys and huge big dicks. Now i wonder shoe on the other foot how many men could honestly say they wouldn’t mind their g/f or wife getting off constantly to these images? Then she comes in and tells you ‘oh i seen this on the all boy channel or i was watching these two sailors and …’ or ‘you know i can really appreciate a right well built arse on a guy these days’ you think you would start to get insecure? i think you would and i think that you would struggle to even comprehend such a situation because it is so not the norm.
Confused about my ramblings? Yes i have a problem with porn. I have been arguing with my b/f for a couple of years now on the subject. Insecure am i? Yes i put my hand up to that. But why?
We have cable tv, with all the sex channels. Now everytime i go to bed he puts the tv on mute and spends the night watching adult entertainment. Every morning i get up i see what channel tv is on i think to myself ‘fuck has he been watching it all night?’ then you have the internet. that was the real root of my problem with porn thing. since we got that he started downloading porn everyday and then if we had been on a night out come home he would want to sit watch porno with me get me to look at things and i just started resenting it and him. so eventually i blew a gasket. told him to stop then said no don’t bother i can’t control you. but that never helped me. i can’t control my gut reaction to something that bothers me so much.
Anyway time went on till we had another arguement. then he said he wouldn’t do it but i knew he still was but just deleting his files but i thought fuck it, hes going to do it anyway. so then his frequency picks back up and not only is tv porn not good enough he starts watching shit on discs for the pc. its getting to the point hes jacking off every fucking day to porn and it does not sit well with me.
so the other day i was carrying around all this pent up emotion and feeling really bad and when on the pc i see the latest batch of sick shit he was looking at and i thought fuck this i am not putting up with this anymore. and it was sick shit believe me.
so i freaked out told him i think he is a filthy bastard and told him i don’t want to be his g/f anymore.
harsh maybe but i don’t see why i should tolerate anything that makes me unhappy. i am not a complete prude. a bit of porn now and then doesn’t hurt anyone but i think its cause he seems to do it all the time and to let you understand he has a very overbearing addictive personality so it doesn’t matter what he is into he always kicks the arse out of it.
men just don’t see the harm in it, the attitude is like so what get over it. its only so what cause its one sided, like i said if you had any comprehension of what it is like to be a woman and have the sex industry and sex in the media thrown down your throat then maybe you would understand.
i think men are in general selfish in their pursuit of lustful pleasures. be it going to lap dancing bars to jacking off to porn or fucking other women.
i also think watching a large amount of porn fills mens head with a lot of shite. you can’t say it doesn’t. its like advertising. it creeps into your sub-consious whether you like it or not.
i know recently my b/f has been saying some really stupid things to me and i could just slap his face as he has no idea how much he is hurting me.
Communication breakdown yes i am aware of that. Yes i am having many problems in my relationship at present so this is so not helping.
What i know is that even though we have not spoke now for a couple of days he is going to come to me and say he is sorry for upsetting me and that he won’t do it. But he will do it. I can’t stop him if that is what he wants. I would rather find someone else who is not into porn. I am not naive and i know that around 85% of men are into porn so maybe i should just accept it, but i don’t want to accept it just because todays society forces it down my throat.
Hmmm… Ranting? Sharing mundane and pointless stuff? No matter…
I think this is in the wrong forum Delphinus - General Questions’ description says: “Got a factual question for the Teeming Millions (and possibly Cecil) to consider? Post it here.”
Ask a friendly moderator to move it to the Pit or MPSIMS for you.
Sigh. Is there a name for the mental condition where you are unable to disassociate your preferences with everyone elses? I look at porn. My girlfriend has no problem with this. My girlfriend reads romance novels. I have no problem with this. You don’t like porn. Fair enough. Others do. Leave us to our boobies, dammit.
Delphinus - have I got a solution to your problem !
No, actually. But at least your bloke didn’t lie about it. As for the % of guys interested in p0rn, I’d say that (at least at somelevel) it’s closer to 100 %.
Don’t sweat it. Eventually you’ll meet someone who reckognises the truism - “Real is better”.
Second the motion. Your preferences are not everybody’s.
Fuck you. Tom and I happen to enjoy sharing our pursuit of lustful pleasures. I like to know it when my boy’s getting off to porn or having an extracurricular adventure with some twink (most of whom look vaguely like me, I’m gratified to note). Why? Because I love him and I love to hear he’s had pleasure.
There is a subset of men who are selfish in their “pursuit of lustful pleasures;” they are known as “selfish men.” You, on the other hand, seem to fall into that subset of women known as “prudes with too broad a brush.”
As a sidebar, it’s fine if you don’t like the idea of your boyfriend getting off to porn, and if he’s accepted not to do that, then he should honour his commitment. But it’s not the porn’s fault, and it doesn’t mean that everyone is, or all women are, the same as you, or that all men are the same as your boyfriend.
(Why is it that <sarcasm>all straight people</sarcasm> seem to think that when they have a problem with their partner, it’s the fault of the partner’s entire sex?)
I think it sounds like she’s sick and tired of being ignored by her boyfriend, which I think is a legitimate and rant worthy concern. Even if her boyfriend says he loves her, if he’s constantly going somewhere else to get his rocks off, I think that sends a negative message.
I’m bisexual. Up until recently, I was in a long-term relationship with a man. He had no problem with me watching porn. Porn didn’t really appeal to him. By the way, I watch porn for the women. I agree with you that porn featuring men is pretty gross, which is just my view, of course. Perhaps that’s because I prefer women–but I digress.
If YOU have a problem with YOUR BOYFRIEND watching porn, fine. That’s something you can and should be concerned about.
If you think that EVERY WOMAN ON EARTH has and should have a problem with porn, you are making rash and stupid generalizations. Cut it out.
I agree with everything you say, except for the 85% percent part. It’s more like 99% than 85%.
Porn is fine in moderation–you can’t keep a fish away from water, and you can’t keep a man from admiring beautiful bodies–but the biggest threat from it, IMHO, is the increase in unrealistic expectations of men.
My dad, a high school psychologist, has told me of how he sees teenage boys who literally cannot find any girl attractive, because of, well, too much porn. One of my best friends confided to me that he cannot find any real woman attractive–he only gets off at Japanese anime women (hentai).
You’ll get flamed, because most likely a large minority (if not majority) of men are addicted to porn in an unhealthy way such that they cannot find the typical American woman attractive, and they don’t want to realize that.
You might want to “test” guys before dating them. I’ve found pubic hair a good litmus strip on whether guys are addicted to pr0n or not. I’ve found that 100% of guys who hate pubic hair with a passion are pr0n addicts to an unhealthy degree. The rest who don’t have much of an opinion–well, some are, some aren’t.
Guys try to defend this by saying that women read romance novels increasing expectations of how guys should act. Most girls I know don’t do this. It’s certainly nowhere near 100%. And given how many girls I knew were jilted in high school once pregnant, I would say that low expectations are a much more serious problem with women than too high expectations.
I also think she has a perfectly legitimate rant, and certainly shouldn’t be dismissed outright as a prude (with 11 posts, unless they’re all about “God Bless George Bush”" and “Down with cartoon violence!,” we probably don’t know her enough to make that assumption.
Anyway, it sounds like her boyfriend definitely does have a problem. Porn is fine, porn is normal, but what is not normal is
Her coherency leaves a little to be desired, but she sounds upset. The key phrase is get me to look at things. She doesn’t want to watch it, and from what it sounds like he’s constantly trying to persuade or force her to watch it. That’s not right. My girlfriend and I would have some altercations if I was constantly bugging her to watch Full Metal Jacket or Predator, etc., or if she was constantly bugging me to sit through Maid in Manhattan or Bridget Jones’ Diary.
It also sounds to me as if his habit may be
1. Being pursued to the exclusion of other activities or responsibilities
2. Becoming pervasive throughout the household (the TV on all night/left on the channel in the morning, and apparently all over the computer)
3. uh, well, I got here to #3 and realized 2 was all I could think of. Sorry Opal.
I have seen plenty of #1, as it can happen with just about anything that’s enjoyable. My g/f would be pissed if I spent my whole evenings downstairs in the basement playing my guitar, or out in the park with the dog, or out railfanning (trainspotting, or whatever), or on the computer playing games. Why? Because she would feel ignored and isolated. And I understand that she might not share all of these interests and want to be included–she works out at the gym and might not want to run around the park with me and the dog, and she thinks trains are boring as hell, for example. So, as a mentally healthy human being who values my relationship with her, I don’t pursue these interests all the time and force her to either participate or be alone. These are mild examples, yet surely you can see how clear-cut they are. Apply the same ideal to something as emotionally loaded as porn, and I think that should be pretty damn clear-cut also. He can enjoy his porn, but he also needs to stay busy living life and allowing others around him to enjoy theirs.
“I’ve found pubic hair a good litmus strip on whether guys are addicted to pr0n or not. I’ve found that 100% of guys who hate pubic hair with a passion are pr0n addicts to an unhealthy degree.”
I hate pubic hair with a passion. Pubic hair does not happen on this body. I prefer to be with women without pubic hair, or with tamed pubic hair.
::strikes back of hand to forehead dramatically:: I am an addict!! ::wails:: Ohhh, my porn addiction has gone too far! Forget that I haven’t watched porn in months and that I find scores of real-life women attractive! My having watched porn, for some reason, is hurting someone!!
Of course perhaps I am somehow different simply because I’m a woman. We dykes never get to do anything fun like be addicted to porn.
“I’ve found pubic hair a good litmus strip on whether guys are addicted to pr0n or not. I’ve found that 100% of guys who hate pubic hair with a passion are pr0n addicts to an unhealthy degree.”
I hate pubic hair with a passion. Pubic hair does not happen on this body. I prefer to be with women without pubic hair, or with tamed pubic hair.
::strikes back of hand to forehead dramatically:: I am an addict!! ::wails:: Ohhh, my porn addiction has gone too far! Forget that I haven’t watched porn in months and that I find scores of real-life women attractive! I’m addicted!!! ::Delta Burke Limetime movie preview voice:: I can’t stop!
Of course perhaps I am somehow different simply because I’m a woman. We dykes never get to do anything fun like be addicted to porn.
I don’t think she’s being prudish. Her OP is rambling, sure, but I think her problem with porn is that she’s feeling replaced by it in her boyfriend’s life. I would too, if my husband would sit up all night just watching porn on TV/the Internet and not come to bed at all. It probably could be anything that obsessed him, but since it’s porn it adds a sexual dimension to the “been replaced” feeling.
I don’t know what to say about the problem described, though.
Color me one of those who thinks that there’s a lot wrong with Delphinus’ BF, and that the porn is a symptom but not the problem.
The real problem is that he’s ignoring you, that you two don’t seem to have any basis of communication. Substitute porn for computer games or sports (both of which seem to absorb an inordinate amount of some people’s time) and you’ve got the same problem: somebody who ignores you in favor of some kind of obsession.
The fact that it’s porn, and that you find yourself in a vicious circle of insecurity fed by his fascination is sad, and I feel for you. IMHO, the solution is to ditch the BF in favor of someone who pays attention to you, rather than trying to control his behavior. The latter will get you absolutely nowhere.
Bah, pretty lame rant. Blasting porn because your BF would rather watch porn than fuck you is a typical “don’t blame me blame…” excuse. You need to work out why he’d rather watch porn than spend time with you. I’m not talking about sex, I’m talking about why you’re posting online than taking the time to communicate with him properly (and not freaking out).
My GF enjoys porn but probably not as much as I do (who knows though?). Porn isn’t used to “fill in” my sex life, it’s used to enhance it and of course take care of natural urges when she’s not available
When He`s spending that much time engrossed in porn, then there is a problem. Sounds like he would rather watch porn than do just about anything else.
Shes not being prudish. Most of the attention in a relationship should be on each other and not on some personal distraction, especially in the Sex Dept. Shes right in that he will continue to do it. She would be even more right in leaving him - that way hell have all day to search the net for porn and maybe hell get sick of it. A strong sexual appetite is healthy, but it should (mostly) be directed at your partner, especially if the partner has an issue with it and has called him on it. If he hasnt made a sincere attempt to change than he is being selfish and probably doesnt care about her as much as she would like.
As far as he`s concerned, at least he could make an attempt to hide it, out of site out of mind.
