My live in SO gets angry when she finds Porn links on the computer. On the other hand between work, grad school and stuff we generally don’t have sex more than once a week (okay I’m being slightly optimistic). Usually, on those nights where I ask for “action” and she says she is too tired, ect ect. I’ll instead turn to my cyber lover (always after asking). She doesn’t mind if I pleasure myself its the looking at porn that gets her goat (when I was 20 I wouldn’t have needed the extra stimulation but at 37 it takes a little something to get going). She says more frequent sex is unrealistic, I say fine but don’t complain if I find fantasy alternatives.
It doesn’t bother me. As long as it isnt something prefered above me. I assume my BF looks at porn. Seeing as we live almost 2 hours apart and only see each other on the weekends. It’s not a big deal to me.
On the other hand I have a lot of female friends who have severe issues with it. 1 says her now ex husband spent all his time and energy on porn and she went without. Another says she feels like he wants a woman that looks like the porn women and that she isnt attractive. And yes yet another says it makes her feel like she isn’t enough for him.
She doesn’t sound very understanding of your needs. Have you talked with her about this? If my boyfriend was behaving like that, I would expect him to either tell me what’s gotten him into such a horrible mood or he would be out the door. To me, she seems controlling, insecure or both.
Personally, I like looking at porn so it would be extremely hypocritical of me to get mad at my SO for looking at porn. There are limits to looking at porn though. It is bad if you are looking at porn instead of spending time with her, if you are spending mutual money on porn, if you are watching porn that she finds objectional, or if you insist on watching the porn when she is around despite her obvious discomfort. It doesn’t sound like you are doing any of those, so I will assume the fault is with her.
And to all the ladies out there: Looking at porn is perfectly natural and does not mean that you aren’t providing your man with enough pleasure. Try watching his favorite videos or looking at websites sometime with him, or even better yet, buy his favorite magazine!
1 of the best turn ons is watching porn with your man… Though I have never made it through an entire video yet…
I have no problem at all with it. It would make me a hypocrite, as well, since I also watch porn.
How much sex one has with their partner is really dependant upon each person in the relationship and what they can tolerate. Some people can handle having sex every day, some can only handle once or twice a week, some only once or twice a month, and so on. You may already understand this and not have a problem with it, but we might as well make that clear. What I’m getting at, however, is to make sure not to use this as a way to make her have sex with you more often, if she doesn’t feel like it. It might seem innocent enough to say “Well, I watch porn because you don’t have sex with me!” but she will likely see that as a threat. (Not saying you said that, but it could easily and innocently slip out!)
There needs to be some communication for her to feel comfortable about this. Explain to her that porn is not a threat or a replacement for her in the relationship. Maybe she needs to feel pretty? Some women get insanely jealous if you’re looking at another woman naked, especially for sexual purposes. She may be insecure. It’s time to sit down and talk to her, and ask her why she feels threatened by you watching porn. Ask her what would make her feel better. She may say “Stop watching porn!” so ask her why this would make her feel better. Invite her to watch it with you. Explain that some people need visuals to help them out. Help demystify the whole thing for her. Often hatred of something comes from not understanding it. It helps to try to make her giggle at it, too. 
I wish you luck.
My wife seems a bit undecided on the subject. On the one hand, she occasionally tells me that porn is no good and I should stop downloading it (I have a gig or two of video on my HD), but then just as frequently she grabs me by the arm when I get home from work and says “I was looking at your videos today” and pushes me toward the bedroom.
My fiance and I are long distance, so I’d be worried if he wasn’t looking at porn. 
Well, looks like I’m going to be the stick-in-the-mud. 
I don’t know how to say this. I guess my SO’s viewing of porn doesn’t make me mad, it makes me sad. Why? My own jealousy, insecurity, and trust issues. I feel inadequate when compared to those skinny things with the big round boobs, shrieking their fool heads off as soon as someone looks at them the right way.
Now, I know it’s not really the people in the porn that turn people on, usually. It’s the acts they’re witnessing that turn them on. At least, this is what he said to me, and it’s how I felt when I watched porn. He has always been very honest with me, so I try to take his word, but I have my own trust issues, as I said before.
I also know that it’s not disgusting to look at porn, and that most people don’t find it to be a big deal. I wish I didn’t find it to be a big deal, but I do. And it’s not like my SO’s porn of choice is disgusting - it’s very vanilla as porn goes. So that is something to be thankful for.
Anyway, in truth, I’d like to get over this one day and watch one with him. I used to be turned on by porn when I watched it, and it seems like doing this together could be fun. Just gotta learn to check my silliness at the door first, I guess.
Well… what KIND of pr0n are you looking at? That can make all the difference.
I’ve gained weight and hate the way my body looks. Also my husband doesn’t like to have sex very often with me. So when I find him looking at porn I think I’m ugly and he’d rather have sex with them. I’m already hurting by not getting enough loving, having him look at beautiful women just adds insult to injury.
I am losing weight but it’s slow. This whole thing makes me want to cry.
I wouldn’t care if my fiance looked at pron. I doubt those girlies have anything I don’t have, and I’m his reality. He considers himself a very lucky boy.
Heh, me too! Even when we’ll be together, it wouldn’t bother me if he continued to look. As long it’s not to the point where he prefers it to me, what’s the problem? I look at it too, after all, though I’d rather be with him.
I’d advise you to talk to your SO about why you look at porn. It seems that it’s simply because you don’t get as much sex as you want, so porn’s a good tool when you’re not able to get any. Make sure she understands that you’d much rather be having sex with her than looking at porn, but sometimes that’s not an option. Definitely stress that you prefer her to the internet. I think that that’s why some people are uncomfortable with their SO’s looking at porn - they are afraid that you will start preferring the porn to them, or think that the actresses are hotter than they are. In reality, all you’re doing is letting off some steam, but that is probably not what she’s worried about. Like others have suggested, renting some DVDs and watching some together might make her see that it’s not such a big deal.
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Hubby and I went through something similar when I was post-partum after our third child. It amounted to a lot of misunderstanding, and we’ve since devised a way for us both to be happy with it.
Perhaps talking to him about it would help? I’m hoping you’ve misunderstood his “not liking to have sex very often with me”, but if that’s his actual stance on the whole deal, then he’s being incredibly hurtful.
I look at porn. If I yelled at him, I’d be a hypocrite as well. Although I prefer literotica.
Porn is healthy. Most of it, anyway. It’s a good, normal outlet and men tend to be visual.
All sex is not and does not need to be romance. Sometimes sex is just sex, you know.
Elysian,
I just wanted to send a hug. 
Your words resonate with me. Body image issues are so hard to deal with!
I think in some ways it’s difficult for others to understand the thought process involved. I know when I am having irrational and yet so powerful self doubts in that area - it’s the hardest thing to talk about. For me, part of the problem is that it makes my husband angry because he does not understand why I can have such physical doubt, but he’s a naturally much more assured person which is something I can’t understand…
I’m babbling, sorry, just wanted to send a comforting thought.
Thank you so much, and hugs back. Every once in a while I post something really personal on these boards and then kick myself because I think people will not understand, and then someone does, and it’s absolutely wonderful. Thank you 
I’m a little disturbed by the fact that you feel you have to ask your SO’s permission to masturbate when she isn’t interested in having sex. It’s got a weird passive-aggressive vibe to it. As long as it’s not affecting your relationship (e.g. in the ways kimera described), how and when you masturbate is none of her business. At the same time, it’s polite to be discreet about it, especially if you know she’s not thrilled by porn.
I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating to porn, especially when one partner wants sex more often than the other. But don’t make it a power play, in either direction. Don’t give her say over how you masturbate, but don’t use it to make her feel bad about turning you down for sex either.
I found some porn on the boyfriend’s computer, and I was curious so I checked it out. Some of them were the nastiest pictures of ugly women with oversized fake horrible breasts and I got really disgusted and sad. I couldn’t believe he looked at that stuff. It was the kind of stuff I’d make fun of, you know? It really really upset me. Later he explained that he went to a free page with just text links so he had to download stuff before even seeing it and thats why he had stuff that was, to say the least, “not attractive.” But it really fucked with my head and I couldn’t help it. I felt like I had lost respect for both of us after looking at that crap.
Under most circumstances, I have no problem with porn, or with my boyfriend looking at porn. There are some things that bother me. No kiddie porn, no animal porn, nothing violent or degrading. Also, I come before porn (so to speak). I once had a boyfriend who turned me down for sex, and half an hour later, I found him jerking off to Internet porn. Please note that I said “once had”. Our relationship went into a downward spiral shortly after that.
I think he meant he turns to his cyber lover after he’s asked his girl to have sex, not that he’s asking her permission to masturbate.
But, I could be wrong. I dunno.