"I don't have any naked pictures of you." Porn discussion.

In My Humble Opinion
1

I have a good sex life. More importantly to this discussion, HE has a good sex life which I know through conversations and stuff and the fact that he just got laid about 12 hours before this incident. Over-sharing perhaps, but it’s relevant.

I had a four hour CPR class this evening which let out after two hours because we were all re-certs and didn’t spend a bunch of time asking questions and needing repeat demos and guidance and whatever. So I got home at five instead of seven, after picking the seven year old up from the friend’s house he was playing at. Settled in in front of the computer because now I have to email my instructor and blahblah and it was logged on to his Windows account with a Facebook log in page up. Thinking he must have been finished with whatever he was doing (and the fact that he was playing Fallout 3 and didn’t say anything at all when I grabbed at the laptop) I closed that out and underneath that was another window with porn.

GASP.

I don’t really care about porn all that much. I don’t partake mostly because my imagination is better than anything I ever have seen the few times I’ve looked, but I get that some people do. Fine. Even so, I was like “OH I SEE” and got all chick-ish because, honestly, I’m hugely pregnant and feel unattractive enough as it is without having tall, skinny blondes with huge tits right in my face. :confused:

So he makes a comment that he didn’t get any this morning (apparently 4:30am no longer exists; he must have meant this morning since the sun came up :rolleyes: ) or whatever, and I was like whatever dude because, really. So then there was the whole “If that’s what you’re attracted to, then what am I?” discussion because, even without being pregnant, there is no way in hell I am competing with THAT. So then he said “I don’t have any naked pictures of you.”

And all I can think is “YOU WOULDN’T LOOK AT THEM ANYWAY, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” except I know I’m probably overreacting.

Still, even if he DID have naked pictures of me, they sure wouldn’t look like that.

So WTF is up with porn anyway? For the guys who do look at porn (still photos, not live action), would you substitute the porn you normally look at with naked pictures of your wife if they were available? Because, honestly, I think he’s full of shit on that. And, for the women… I dunno. I already know I’m being at least a little unreasonable, so I don’t need to hear that. What do you think?

2

You are pregnant and emo right now. If you were not pregnant you would probably be at least somewhat saner about this issue.

Porn is not about you being inadequate, or not his type. Clearly he loves you and is turned on by you. Porn is about the fact that guys are inherently visual in nature and like to look at bunches of different things. He probably also looks at brunettes with small boobs too. It’s not that they’re blonde and big-titted, it’s that they’re naked and getting fucked and dudes like watching that.

It’s just the way guys are.

3

It has nothing to do with how he feels about you. Guys just like looking at pictures of naked chicks. Lots and lots of them. You could look like Megan Fox and be fucking his brains out 24/7 he’d *still *be surfing the internet for porn.

4

Ditto. Really, truly couldn’t have put it any better. The vast majority of the time porn isn’t about the SO one way or another. Any more than watching Indiana Jones means he finds you inadequate as a travel companion.

That said… he did make a pretty lousy excuse. I have had pictures of SOs in the past. And I did use them for personal recreational purposes. But I still looked at pictures of big-titted blonds and others. The more personal pics were special and treasured, but they were not the only inspiration I used at the time.

5

Don’t let the hormones affect your mind. You have an override switch in there somewhere. Would he look at porn if he had naked pictures of you? Of course he would. Speaking as a guy, it is a ridiculous question that makes no sense whatsoever. Men really like pictures of naked women, the more the better and it is as simple as most women liking shoes. All us started that process at a young age and there is nothing you can do to stop it except force him to lie to you. Don’t try to relate to it in your own terms because it won’t make sense and will just make you angry.

6

Another vote for don’t worry about it. I won’t go as far as Dan Savage and claim that ALL men look at porn and women just need to deal with it (because I’m sure there are SOME men who don’t, somewhere, and hate to generalize to such an extent), but yeah, all men look at “porn”, some more than others.

As a woman I look at porn sometimes, regardless of whether I am “getting any” or not.

He’s not cheating, he’s still fucking you, so he looks at/jerks off to some naked chick now and then. JMHO.

Congrats on the impending baby, btw. :slight_smile:

7

I’m not really all that crazy about it. We’re not fighting, I’m not giving him the silent treatment, nothing like that. My issues are really just his implication that he HAD to look at porn because he didn’t get any, which is bullshit, plus the idea that if he had pictures of me he wouldn’t have been looking at porn, which is also bullshit.

Yeah, but he’s the one who said it. “I don’t have naked pictures of you” like, I would so much rather look at pictures of you and I totally would if I had them but, since I don’t, I have to settle for these other naked chicks instead. Which I don’t actually buy for a second.

Thank you. :slight_smile:

8

x2

9

I really like this analogy. I just got through looking at a bunch of shoes on line which I have no intentions of buying, just looking at. That’s just like all the naked chix guys look at with no intention of doing anything with but looking at. :slight_smile:

10

I think you’re self depreciating a bit much here-- I promise you: if he had pictures of you all naked and slutty, he’d beat off to them on the regular. I don’t even need to know your husband to state that as a fact.

That said, he’d certainly still watch other porn. It’s just a thing folks (visual folks, who tend to be mostly guys) do. It has nothing to do with you, your hotness, or the frequency in which you guys bump uglies. I mean, clearly he is into you- you’ve got a little bit of proof growing inside you :p.

When I was younger- like 18 or so- I went on my boyfriend’s computer for one thing or another. I stumbled upon his porn file (secretly hidden on his desktop as XXX— clearly, he was doing his best to hide its very existence) and of course took a look at what he was. . .well, taking a look at. I first saw girls with ENORMOUS natural tits. Don’t get me wrong, bless him for digging natural tits and I actually do have a damned big chest myself, but they ain’t that big. For a split second, I got a twinge of, “Whoa, I can’t look like that. . .” and all the other horrible things that flood into your mind.

Then I clicked on the next thing. “Mom’s Anal Adventure Part 1.” Well. Not only do I not partake in anal, but I am also not a mother. Then “Mom’s Anal Adventure Part 2.” And three and four. That twinge from before started to go away, because- ya know- at 18, I really wasn’t looking to fulfill any MILF fantasies. Still though, I couldn’t help but think- “Gosh, I can’t fulfill this fantasy for him. . .”

And then I clicked again. GILF porn. Fucking GILF porn. God. Fucking. Damnit. Well, my tits might be big but not as big as the girls in his porn, I might not be willing to stick things in my ass or be a mom, but I sure as shit am not a grandma nor do I wish to have my body suddenly give up the fight against gravity so I could fit that fantasy. Boyfriend tried to say his computer had. . . a virus! Yeah! A virus! That’s the ticket! A virus that um, puts, uh, videos in his special XXX folder on his desktop. Yeah!

Yeah, I didn’t buy that. I made fun of him for weeks. We moved on.

The point is: fantasy is just that- fantasy. Even if your husband whacks off to watermelon implant having blonde bimbos, does not actually mean he has a real desire to stick his dick in such a woman, even if afforded the opportunity. Or maybe he would in a different time, place, and universe. But now he wont, because he’s married to and in love with his beautiful wife. We can all be attracted to and turned on by different things at different times- I’m sure the same goes for you, missy! :slight_smile:

11

Yeah, he’s full of shit, but hey - at least he cared enough to try to think of shit that sounded good and you might believe. :smiley:

12

What Shagnasty said. You confronted him about it, and whether that confrontation was filled with crazy or not (I’ll take your word that it wasn’t), it was still important enough for you to mention. Lots of guys have grown up with the still all too true stereotype of the SO not liking pron and not wanting you to watch it, so we hide it. When you “confronted” him, you pushed him to “hide” it behind the excuse that he didn’t have porn of you.

Don’t bring it up, and you won’t get lies.

13

This, right here.

14

Who would want nudie pics of someone they can see naked every day of the week?

Sorry, that wasn’t very reassuring. Guys looking at porn is harmless if:

  1. It doesn’t slow down real life sex and affection, or

  2. You’re white and all his porn is Asian, or any other combo, or

  3. The bulk of his porn is stuff you won’t do, or

4)It’s not just porn but stuff involving women he knows online or in real life

The truth is that any attractive women we see, we want to see naked.

Tell your man to do a little googling on cleaning up his surfing habits, turn off the damn PC and pay attention to the love of his life.

15

I’m not a dude but let me speak for the dudes around: who wouldn’t? It’s a pretty lady and. . . she’s naked! In real life AND pictures!

16

The fun would be in taking the pictures, more than looking at them. I’ve done this and it is a lot of fun, but if she’s right there and available, I’m not going to be looking at the pics very often. But I might surf some online nudes, just because I can.

I don’t know, I could be wrong but I think most guys behave this way.

17

Yeah, he’s real sweet like that. :stuck_out_tongue:

Really? I can’t bring it up AT ALL? Because it really wasn’t a “confrontation”. It was RIGHT THERE and it surprised me and I commented. He got a little defensive (probably because of what you said about SOs not liking porn) and when he said the thing about not getting any this morning, which seemed to me like he was trying to turn it around and make it my fault so how dare I get upset (which I wasn’t at that point), that’s when I got chick-ish. You want to look at porn, fine. But don’t try to say it’s because you’re real life is lacking somehow.

Anyway, it went downhill from there with the “But what about ME?!” and being all dumb and whatever, but he “lied” way before I got confrontational.

18

… not applicable? Your number one is true, two is not.

Wait, wait, wait.

You’re saying it is harmless for a man in a committed relationship to look at naked pictures, or whatever, of women he actually knows? Because I’m not upset that he was looking at porn, not really, but I would absolutely be upset if he had a collection of material from the real women in his life.

I’m not sure that’s rational, but there you go.

19

First of all, guys are visual. All guys. We like pictures, because we like to compare and contrast the differences among all kinds of chicks. It’s like we keep a mental reference on all female naughty bits or something. It doesn’t matter if we are attached or not, we still like to look. It doesn’t mean we will act on it or anything, it just means that we like to look. We could be married to the most gorgeous chick we ourselves could imagine, and we would still look. It’s just the way we are.

Are we comparing you to the pictures we look at? No, not really. You’re our significant other. You’re different, but in a good way, because we know that although we are able to look at those other chicks, we will never be on the same footage with them as we are with you. You’re ours; we (for want of a better word) possess you.

Would we change that? Well, that kind of depends on you and how you act. Drive us crazy by suggesting to us that we’re doing something wrong by looking, and then see what happens. Show us that you’re not self-assured and think that some paper or internet dolly is real competition, and we will surely question your sanity.

So, what should you do?
(1) Don’t panic or jump to conclusions.
(2) If it really bothers you, find a photographer that takes boudoir shots.
(3) Above all else, don’t scream, yell, or get confrontational.

20

Guys are hard-wired to want variety in sexual partners, because your genes are apt to get passed on more if you bang ten different women once than if you nail the same woman ten times.