No, I think you’re right. I totally misread that. My bad.
Not to stir the pot or anything, but that sounds suspect to me…why go to a “free page with just text links” when there are zillions of free pages with pictures?
Sorry, it just strikes me as not being truthful, on his behalf.
Since my Lady chimed in, I feel like I should add my 2 cents here. Her assessment is spot on. A lot of my fascination with porn tends to go with my voyeuristic tendencies in general…it’s very titillating to peek in on people. I love my wife, and really (I mean REALLY) enjoy making love to her, but the voyeurism is just a fixation I have…so we’ve figured out non-porn ways to satisfy it. It basically boils down to taking photos of her and us, and then enjoying those later…she certainly doesn’t understand the attraction (she has no idea of how sexy she is), but it doesn’t bug her at all- certainly not as much as the idea of me watching other people.
We do engage in the use of movies as foreplay- though sometimes it almost devolves into MST3K. But the togetherness is the thing.
Of course, there are lots of grades of porn, and what bothers one person might not bother another. Some women can deal with hardcore stuff, but hate cheesecake, others are the reverse. My Lady can deal with me watching the sex act, but doesn’t like me looking at lingerie photos- because that’s less a matter of sex in her eyes as it is attractiveness. Some are okay with movies, some are not. It;s just a matter of talking and figuring out what your SO’s motivations are, and what the problem is.
- stonebow, off to see what his Lady thinks of hentai…
Well, I see two ways of dealing with this: wipe the history so she doesn’t find porn links on the computer any longer, or put some work into helping her get to the point where she’s not always too tired and disinterested to have sex. Personally, I’d try both.
You say she’s working and going to grad school, and presumably she’s coming home and doing at least part of the household work. When you have that much stuff crowding your mind through the vast majority of your waking hours, thoughts of sex don’t just get put on a back burner; they tend to get shoved off the stove altogether. That makes changing gears and getting in the mood to have sex a pretty difficult proposition. It takes some time and effort; you can’t just hear, “Hey, how 'bout it?” and fall on your back with your legs in the air in 3.2 seconds, even if you could back before you got so busy and stressed, when sex was always in the back (and frequently the front) of your mind. (I’m not saying that you expect her to do that, it’s just a general statement.)
Seduction and attempts to lighten her work load would probably get you laid more frequently. Especially the lightening her work load. With less work, she’s less likely to be too tired. Also, knowing that you’re willing to put some effort into this will likely make her feel like she (and by extension having sex with her) is important to you, since it would be so much easier to just sit around jerking off in front of the computer.
Out of curiosity, if you need something to get you going, why are you even jerking off in the first place? I mean, if it were really a matter of just being sexually frustrated, it seems like you’d already be rarin’ to go. If it’s just that you happen to feel like looking at some naked women and jerking off, there’s certainly nothing wrong with that, but it seems rather disingenuous to frame it as a matter of having to do something when the missus won’t put out.
This is perhaps the silliest question I’ve ever heard.
Suffice it to say, if you don’t know, there’s no way I can explain it to you. 
Women are weird.
Well, if she’s giving it up less than once a week, I don’t think you have any explaining or apologizing to do. That’s ridiculous to expect your man to go so long without. If she doesn’t like it, then she should get a leg up more often.
Actually, my porn of choice is literary rather than photographic. Somehow the pictures in my mind are more exciting than the ones on the internet (less silicon too).
Mrs. **Drachillix ** here
I’m surprised that my husband doesn’t view porn more often, although City of Heroes does feature some skimpy costumes.
Seriously, he must just be wiping his history.
What few things he’s downloaded he doesn’t keep for long and the images I’ve seen I don’t find offensive or odd or inappropriate. We are pretty open about our needs so nobody’s feeling left-out or neglected for long.
I love the idea of my BF looking at porn … in fact, I recently wrote some erotica wherein I watch him masturbate to porn that I gave him. We can’t agree on whether I had more fun writing it or he had more fun reading it. 
I think it’s more likely that she just has a lower sex drive than he does. Seems to me that being busy only affects your sex drive if it isn’t that high to begin with.
I work full-time, am taking two graduate classes, take care of my own household, and run a Toastmasters club. I still have a very high sex drive, and especially get very turned on by thinking about my BF, and I jump him every time I see him (which averages just once a week … I need to talk to him about that!).
One of the things I like best about him is that he doesn’t make me feel like a freak for being so damn horny. 
This brings up an interesting point. I am quite often astounded at the number of women that read bodice ripper novels, or the erotica by Anne Rice or Jacqueline Cary (sp?) but find photographic of cinematic erotica objectionable. But in my mind, porn is porn.
It’s just a difference in what you find titillating, I guess. But it’s all fantasy…and in an open, loving relationship, it shouldn’t be a problem.
So much for taking into account different sex drives etc.
I find this statement to be really harsh–“giving it up less than once a week”? ; “go so long without”? WTH?
Sex is as individual and idiosyncratic as other appetites–why all the judging?
In my marriage, porn has been a horribel and detrimental issue. Talk about issues–there are too many to go into here. I will say, though, that porn became a control issue and weapon–ugly doesn’t begin to cover it.
Suffice to say that I was anti-porn for a long time and am just now starting to kick around the idea of watching it with my husband. I have not made that rather huge (for me) leap, and may not–but that’s another thread.
I think (given my own experience) that the OP has alot of work to do–he needs to SHOW his SO that he really is turned on by her and only wants to have sex with her etc. And that porn is just a tool, not a threat to them.
Good luck. IMO, if you don’t do this–things can deteriorate quickly.
Cool, I am being mistaken for a female. Usually, I am accused of being an over-macho, knuckle-dragging, drooling idiot.
My wife will be pleased that my feminine side is coming out.
And that may be the case. Either way, the solution was for him to erase his history every day so I never see it. That way we’re both happy. And FWIW, I do enjoy porn and erotica myself. I know its weird, but I’m happier not seeing his porn (even the pictures of hot women) though I like sharing mine with him. I know I’m a hypocrite but I can’t help it.
That could well be the case. Or it could be that there are other problems in the relationship, and those problems are affecting the couple’s sex life. Even women with very high sex drives won’t be too eager to get it on with their SOs when other important parts of the relationship aren’t going well. If Doppleganger’s girlfriend is feeling unloved or unappreciated, or if she has doubts about Doppleganger’s emotional commitment to her, or if she’s unhappy about something else significant in their relationship, she’s not going to want to sleep with him all that often. Her innate sex drive might not have anything to do with it.
Since we are professional pornographers, that would be pretty weird.
But aside from that…of course not! And I think women who do are pathetic and ridiculous, assuming their man isn’t freakishly obssessed and unable to enjoy sex without it. (I didn’t read all the responses, so if any woman has piped up with how offended she is and now she’s even more offended…oh well, sorry.)
I lost my rant to the wrath of the hamsters, but it boils down to this:
- Some men masturbate a little bit when they can’t get any.
- Some men masturbate all the time instead of spending time with their SO.
Obviously, the latter is a problem, and is very much the SO’s concern. The former doesn’t mean anything, except that the man in question has a ferocious sex drive and wants to quiet it without making a big deal out of things. I’m going to partially agree with Indygrrl: if your SO looks at porn, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you, it probably just means that he’s not having as much sex as he wants or is accustomed to. I’m not going to go as far as she did in saying that it’s thusly your responsibility to open up your legs; but I am going to agree that if you don’t want to have more sex, you’re just going to have to deal with it instead of making your SO starve himself. Basically–if it’s not affecting you, why should you dig it up and make a huge issue out of it? Don’t dig up my shit, I won’t dig up yours. I made an analogy in my hamster-eaten rant that went like this:
*Some people masturbate a little when they’re not getting as much sex as they want.
- Some people have a small glass of wine to unwind after a long work week.
- Some people masturbate all the time instead of spending time with their SO.
- Some people drink wine by the bottle instead of going to work and spending time with their loved ones.
The latter two are big problems. The first two are the business of one person (the one who’s doing it) because they don’t affect other peoples’ lives.
Isn’t that a little jugmental? Everyone here (almost)seems to be blaming the person who doesn’t like porn-they’re insecure,they have a problem. Maybe its the other way around; some people think its cheating; when I am in a relationship, theres no one else Iwant, if I did, I would leave and try to get that person. To me, porn is like living in make-believe world. YMMV.
I guess I’m one of those women who could have body image problems (I’m fairly large), if my hubby weren’t always telling me how sexy he thinks I am, how much he loves to make love to me, etc. We have a pretty active sex life, probably three or four times a week (not bad for old farts in their forties ). Therefore, it doesn’t bother me when he looks at porn. He rarely seeks it out, but has a buddy who emails it to him all the time, and he looks at it. Sometimes it’s so impressive, he shows it to me! If I thought for one minute that he’d rather be with one of those women than to be with me, we’d have a problem. If he was spending his emotional and sexual energy on them instead of me, we’d have a problem. But he doesn’t, so we don’t.
Me, too. And I’m the one who’s less likely to initiate or respond to overtures for sex. I’m being unfair, I know, since my husband still wants me, and I’m lucky in that. We don’t have sex often enough to make him happy, and he’s said so, so if he looks at porn, part of the reason is my fault.
He looks at it, but he’s discreet (he’s learned to switch windows fast!) and it depends on the kind of porn he looks at. If I found out he was looking at anything with kids/animals/rape, I’d be very upset with him, and would seriously consider what that meant to our marriage.
If he put porn before me, that would be a serious issue, too.
But to be honest, I don’t like him to look at porn. However… I like to look at porn. Hypocrite? You betcha. I’m the one with a large saved folder of sexy pictures, stories and videos on my machine, not him. I also have some kinky interests (legal ones) that he doesn’t share, so I like to indulge in fantasies via porn sometimes. Also sometimes if I hate my body, it’s easier to look at porn than actually get nekkid. Dumb, I know, and I’m working on diet and exercise.
I don’t really want to know what kinds of stuff he looks at, so I don’t snoop in his web history. I think everyone deserves some kind of privacy—there are things that we like that we may not feel comfortable sharing, even with our partner, and some things that we may like to look at, but not ever do in ‘real life’, and I wouldn’t want someone judging me on my fantasy material.
Well, perhaps there are a few comments that have bordered on a judgmental attitude, but I’ll echo the sentiment that looking at porn is a natural thing. It’s not nasty, dirty, or cheating on anybody as long as it’s for entertainment and not taking the place of actual intimate contact with your spouse or SO. Porn can be just another component in a healthy sex life.
I am in a relationship: a strong, healthy one, and both my husband and I look at (or read in my case) porn. I don’t want anyone but my husband, and I feel absolutely confident that he doesn’t want anyone but me.