When Exhaustion Sets In

With the semester almost wrapped up, this has been one hell of a whirlwind weekend. I spent all day Saturday digging through a project trying to make something work and I kept running into walls every which way I turned. I stayed up until 5am Sunday morning trying to get something. Finally conceding defeat for the night I slept for four hours and then woke up for the day. I worked at the local game store and then headed to the lab in the vain hopes someone from my team would show up.

No one did.

I began facing the idea that I might not pull this semester out. Without a C in this class it would time for me to pack it up and head home. I was building an email to send the professor to show him my bad situation with teammates not showing up at all for this part of the project. I had sent 6 emails trying to coordinate meetings and no one showed up.

Then I got an email from one of the guys at 8:30pm saying he couldn’t make it but he would meet this morning. And he seemed really calm about it all. Too calm for the project to be due today at 1pm. So I checked the schedule again and it turns out it isn’t due today, it’s due Wednesday. This gives us a small glimmer of hope to get something to turn in, but I’m still trying to meet with the Professor. I have emails going back to Nov. 22nd trying to get the team coordinated to meet and we have yet to meet at all. So I’m trying to do the impossible by doing a 3 man 2 week project in the next 2 days.

I’m waiting for him to show up for our meeting, he said he might be a little late so I’ll hang out another 30 minutes and then I’m heading out. I need to buy an umbrella and get to the bank.

I’ve got 2 weeks left. This is supposed to be called ‘dead’ week but the supposed definition is completely the opposite of what it is. This is supposed to be the week where we don’t have anything to do. When school is dead so we can prepare for finals. Instead it’s the week that will kill me. I’ve got a project due Wednesday as well as having a paper and project due Friday.

Exhaustion is setting in. I’ve slept too little and worked too much. I probably haven’t eaten enough or drank enough. I’m not really keeping track anymore I just go and go and go until I can’t go anymore. It’s all I can do at this point.

Exhaustion is setting in.

After this supposed meeting (I don’t hold much hope, can you tell?) I’m heading to the bank and then maybe snag something for lunch. Then I’ve got class. After that I’m heading to work at the new job where I’ll be until 7pm tonight. Then I’ll take a bus back to campus and meet up with my team to work on the Friday project.

I’ll keep you all updated concerning my status this week.

The truth is I almost wish I got dismissed from GT. Then the pain would stop. Then I could relax a little and not end up with these weeks and weeks of pure undiluted stress pumped intravenously into me. I almost wish this.

But at this point it’s a matter of honor. I’ve been here for more than 3 years and I’m more than halfway done. I’ve climbed this much of a mountain. Sure I’ve been gimped and never done that well at it, but I’m here aren’t I? What would I think of myself if I failed?

I hate failure. I hate to fail at anything. I don’t want to let myself down on this. But there are times where I can’t take it. Where I need to hit that eject button and just call it quits at school. And yet I can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to do it.

Sometimes I want to fail. Then I realize I wouldn’t be very happy about it all.