I noticed that some guys will mention their girlfriend or wife when you start talking to them and some guys wont unless directly asked.
One time at work this older approached me in the parking lot man asked me if my hood of my car is open and i said yes it won’t close, it might needs to greased or I might need a new cable.Then he told me that he will try to put some greese on it sometime during his shift to see if it will close.I said sure and thanked him.Then i asked if he knows how to open it and he says he does.Then he mentioned that his wife`s brother works with cars
Another time was when i took my car to the shop to get something fixed not too long ago.Then when it was time to pay at the front ,i dropped my debit card on the floor by accident and the guy at the cash said sorry, thinking it was him that caused it but i said oh no its okay i drop things all the time.
I then added “my friends told me that i have butter hands”.Then he said he is the same way and he mentioned the fact that his wife only lets him keep the old stuff because he is so clumsy. I thought it was odd that he mentioned his wife out of the blue because I don’t think bringing up his wife relevant to the conversation at all. In my mind I was just making a small talk as a customer and not flirting . I wasn’t even attracted to the dude
On the other hand,my crush never mentioned his live girlfriend in front of me. One time I came to work wearing make up for the first time and he complimented and told me I looked good Then we made a small talk and I asked him if he ever goes out in his spare time and he just said he does to a pub sometime but he used to go out allot when he was in school. I also asked him where he lives and he just said the south part of the city.He never slipped the girlfriend in the conversation.I found out when he recently told another older lady at work that he hasn’t came to work regularly because his girlfriend is sick and he is staying home taking care of her. The lady told us what he said when he left the room. That’s how I found out.He doesn’t know that i know.
So do guys who bring up their SO immidetely in the conversation think you are flirting with them? Also how about guys who don’t mention their SO ?
Mentioning a spouse or significant other is a way of avoiding someone getting the wrong idea about their availability. I tend to work it into conversations with someone of the opposite sex or even some of the same sex.
As far as someone not doing it (1) maybe they just don’t worry about such silly things, or (2) they wouldn’t mind a little flirting.
I’m 62 years old and I have no misconception whatsoever that a young woman would have any reason to flirt with me. When I mention my wife in conversation, it’s because I think it’s relevant to whatever I’m talking about. If I don’t think it’s relevant, I don’t bother.
Both of your examples made sense to me. Especially the second one. You said your friends told you something and he said that his wife tells him basically the same. Sounds like normal conversation to me.
Maybe not relevant in the sense that it was something you needed to know, but I can easily believe, in the examples that you related, that those men mentioned their wives just because that’s where their train of thought happened to take them.
Not saying this applies to anyone here but this thread is kind of an example of how things work for different people.
Straight people are very casual about rubbing their sexuality in your face. Gay people are expected to avoid mentioning their partners because it might make someone have to explain gay sex to their kids or something…
If I think a woman is interested in me and I’d like her to know right off the bat I’m not dating I will mention my girlfriend early in the conversation. Other times though, it just happens to come up and it don’t mean nuthin’.
My general attitude is like your crush, Barnes66, in that I don’t talk about my private life in case it comes up in conversation. I won’t talk about my girlfriend unless we’re chatting about significant others, but some friends will bring up their SO in every conversation.
I do too, in situations where there could be some ambiguity. I once received a PM from another poster, about a hobby we both have. She used her real name, which revealed her gender (her username is genderless). We started an enthusiastic conversation about our shared interest.
In one PM, she mentioned some personal stuff, and I gave her a compliment - but mentioned my wife, to suggest that I was trying to be nice rather than creepy.
Evidently, I still sounded like a creeper, because that was the last PM I got. But that’s exactly why I mention my wife in situations like that.
I just totally flaked, and I think you had already started the fountain pen thread. You were totally not being creepy at all. Your compliment was quite hilarious.
I had to look back and see what the “personal stuff” was. I got a laugh out of that. I’m still pissed off about that guy dumping me without giving me that pen back. Ass.
I do not know about other folks, but when I mention my wife, it is because she is a large part of my life, she just comes up in conversations. Much of my live revolves around her.
My wife tells me that other ladies are interested in me. I am so dense in this area, that I never notice this happening. So, no, I do not mention her because I think that you-all want to “hook up”. She & her activities are just some of my favorite subjects.
The few times it has been brought to my attension that some woman is seriously flirting with me, then I do bring my wife into the converation. This is very rare. I think this has happened twice in the last 30 years.
The examples in the OP don’t sound like non-sequiturs intended to ward away girls…they sound like normal conversations to me. Seems like you might be reading too much into this sometimes.
Furthermore, if it were the case that guys kept unceremoniously dropping this in, I think you should consider the possibility that it is something about your own behaviour / body language that is prompting this.
No snark intended, my own experience is that girls would sometimes drop in out-the-blue mentions of boyfriends in the past, even though most of the time I wasn’t trying to flirt.
Nowadays, this almost never happens to me, even when I am flirting, just because I got better at putting people at ease, and finding interesting stuff to talk about.
A reflection of the fact that this person, like many, many, people has, perhaps recently, had an experience where someone unexpectedly made a pass at them. And it left them wondering if their own open friendliness had, perhaps, sent the wrong signal. Note to self, maybe mention a spouse more. This has absolutely nothing to do with the OP and is all about the spouse mentioners recent experience.
In the course of normal human relations it is perfectly normal to often refer to those with whom we most interact on a daily basis. For most people this is their spouse. Nothing in either conversation mentioned lies outside of this explanation in my opinion.
For whatever reason the OP, is so self absorbed as to think everyone else’s every reactions/ comment must somehow be about them. (I’m hoping its not this one!)
When making conversation, you try to find things in common that you can discuss. Lots of my “things in common” are going to be related to my wife. I might also mention a close friend or another family member, but I spend a lot more time with my wife and tend to know more about her.
You are exactly right and this is a great observation. No doubt most straight people do not perceive themselves as “rubbing their sexuality in everybody’s face” or “shoving their lifestyle down everybody’s throat” just because they casually mention their bf, gf, or spouse in the course of normal conversation, as described by the OP. But gays who do the same are constantly accused of “flaunting” or being indiscreet.
Like, it makes me laugh every time I hear one of these hysterical (as in crazy, not as in funny) anti-gay ranters go on a tear about how they don’t want gays teaching because then they’ll have to explain gay sex to little Johnny or Suzy. WTF?! Loons.
And here I was trying to be so careful about putting not putting your business (or identity) out on the Dope! (I even took the word “romantic” out of “personal stuff”.)
I’m glad that you took my comments in the spirit in which I sent them. I was afraid you though I was a pervy weirdo. I mean, I am a pervy weirdo, but I don’t want the whole SDMB to know.
